Tuesday, January 29, 2013
It has been some time since I blogged on here; my Life Cloth was both unraveling and being presented with new threads and possible changes in the warp and the woof and it was, as it always is when trying to untangle and order a ball of yarn, hairy going.
So I call this time of volatile and exuberant uncertainty coupled with a profound sense of vulnerability "Playing Ball on Running Water", the name of a book I picked up many years ago. I not only have this sense of change but it is also a Change and I do not always know how it is going unravel and or weave up! I am not who I was nor who I will become and I think I understand for the first time that to Live, "I" have to Die. I do not feel that I am the driving force in my life anymore, but that I am in alignment with a Power far greater than I, and this is what has helped me to both become a conduit and a vehicle and it is both overwhelmingly terrifying and exhilerating, both humbling and freeing.
I am moving into the 7th year here on SparkPeople. Many things have happened, changes have been made, fundamental perspectives challenged and refined, and not without pain as well as Joy. I see the sun sparkling in the rains on the grass, I am deeply moved. I see a person alone and afraid and I am deeply empathetic. I see how all the things that have happened over the years, the good the bad the ugly, have been pulled together, owned and woven back into the fabric of who I am now and open to who I may become in whatever Time I have left here.
I see the small and hurtful behaviors people have toward themselves and each other and I feel deep compassion, not for the act, but for the need behind the expression, and the consequences that do not result in the attainment so desired. It is hard to come to ownership, and it is hard to realize all of who we are must be embraced with full awareness of our dark and our light so that the Dark does not overcome that Light.
Keep on keeping on.