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    ANNIEONLI   45,177
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Clarity in saying "no"

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I was just sitting here thinking... well, actually on my drive around town today to get stuff done within an hour's timespan for personal reasons... and as I popped by the office to bang out some work real fast, it occurred to me that there can really be some wonderful clarity when you say "NO - that doesn't work for me" when it actually means something....and then to actually embrace it as such.

This can be in many scenarios when you think about it... at work, at school, with family, with organizations... especially if you constantly say "yes" - "yeah sure, no problem, I will figure it out" - but the detriment comes unto yourself when you are loading yourself with extra baggage that doesn't really belong there because you "are the fixer" or "it's just easier if I do it myself".

I am the classic "Yeah, no problem, I got it" person. I have great pride in the fact that I can fix pretty much everything you throw at me. I will FIND the answer if I don't have it. I will FIX you.

And I will also beat myself up if things don't go the way things are planned... especially when the group dynamic comes into play (more heads thinking sometimes throws logic out the window - in my humble opinion).

And I will also feel bad about not being able to help as much as I can.

Hold on a second here.... about the above two scenarios I just wrote about... I am much better than I was 5 years ago... I am going to give myself credit where credit it due on that point. If you don't want to listen to reason and logic, and do what you want, go ahead - it's on you.

AHA! See? Progress!!! emoticon

Anyway, back to saying "no" - well, sometimes, it takes the unwanted and unneccassary burden off your shoulders . . sometimes it frees up time that you didn't know you had . . sometimes it empowers oneself to actually move forward instead of holding oneself back . . sometimes it will disappoint another for a minute, but bring joy to you for an afternoon! . . sometimes it saves one from oneself (and we can throw in a foodie staying-in-range reference here if you like).

Why is this thought process coming out of my brain now? Well.... my very active son is home sick for another day - and it is the busiest day of the week, that would end at 7pm on a normal day....we have been going on and on for weeks, and I am a bit tired. Well, now, he cannot go to school or anything after school because he is sick.. the answer of "no" was given to the religion teacher, the orchestra teacher, the elementary school teachers that he could not go in to school...and on my end, it was a a bit freeing to say to my friends: You guys have to figure out carpooling this week..because I can't do it.

Normally, I have no problem with pitching in...trust me, I do plenty, probably more than ... but this little hiatus was unexpected... and freeing in many ways.

Saying "no" sometimes for the right reasons is what I am really talking about I guess... Saying "No" too many times in other areas is just as bad as saying "yes"... it's the balance of both, the yin and the yang, the homeostatis of peace and understanding that really needs to come about to be.. I don't know what .. a complete being.

OK - getting deep here. But you get my drift... or at least I hope you do.

So now to saying "yes" to me again...to tracking, to drinking that water (I cannot believe I have slacked on that part!) . . to things that make me... SMILE! emoticon A walk, playing piano, reading.. soulful things. emoticon

You never know how thing are until an "Aha" moment comes along....and what I am learning, is that there are many more that I ever thought!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DWEXCEL 2/3/2013 7:55AM

    Hello My Dear Friend!

Having been your Spark Friend for sooooo many years, I know exactly what you are talking about when you describe the "old you". You have certainly come a long way, and I am so proud of you and so happy for you.

And I feel your peace.

Love ya!
Donna emoticon

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ANNIEONLI 1/30/2013 1:01PM

    It's a catch-22 Amanda!
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-AMANDA79- 1/30/2013 11:07AM

    I have trouble asking for help at work. I need help and they are there to help. What's the big deal? My mother always said, "Don't ask other people to do something for you that you can do for yourself." It stuck. LOL. I think all the people in your life that keep asking you for stuff need to learn that one!

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DALID414 1/29/2013 3:22PM

    How can you stop drinking water? I tell the boyfriend: when the apocalypse comes I'm gonna shrivel up and die (cuz I drink water ALL day).

Have a emoticon for your thoughts

Comment edited on: 1/29/2013 3:23:27 PM

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OAKBORN 1/29/2013 11:39AM

    I grok this deeply and am getting my own NO point...

And it is okay to take care of yourself.

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2JUSTME 1/29/2013 10:46AM

    I have learned over the years that there definitely is nothing wrong with saying NO! It can have a calming affect on your daily life! emoticon

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