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"I Hate Thin People"

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Yesterday I walked into an office in the middle of a conversation that three heavily overweight women were having. They acknowledged my entrance into the office, but I kindly stood to the side of the desk where I was to be assisted and patiently waited for them to finish their conversation. It didn't last long, but here is what I overheard.

Woman A, speaking of a woman who was not in the room: "... and she was already thin, then went and lost 20 more lbs! Now she's underweight! Now she needs to gain weight!"

Woman B: "Yeah, she says when she eats out she divides her portions in half. And all she eats for lunch here is a salad."

Woman C: "I just don't understand thin people."

Woman A: "I know! I HATE thin people! It just doesn't make any sense! I don't see how anyone can live like that! I will never understand it."

Ok- so there I was, listening in. Obviously, the first thing I felt was insecure. Because remember that I am a morbidly obese person who has lost a significant amount of weight. I immediately felt fat again. Because why would they carry on a conversation like that in front of someone who is thin? I felt like I gained a hundred pounds in an instant. But that feeling passed rather quickly. My irrational thoughts come and go as I go about my day, and this happens quite frequently.

Then I felt angry. Would it have been acceptable for three thin women to carry on a conversation like that in an office, in front of customers, about a fat person? But I got over that pretty quickly also, as I began to feel sorry for these women.

I used to be like those women. I couldn't understand people not stuffing their faces constantly... which was precisely what I used to do. I know that people are overweight for many reasons, but ultimately... it takes a pretty good amount of food to be consumed on a continuous basis to gain and maintain as much weight as these women were carrying. This is how they live their lives, and they likely ultimately feel some shame by their weight and intimidation in the company of women who don't have the same habits- like this woman they were talking about.

I don't really know the point of writing this blog. I come across this same scenario often. But yesterday I was taken aback by the various emotions I felt in response to walking into that conversation.

First I felt fat (because if I weren't fat, they wouldn't have said those things in front of me). Then I realized I was wearing size 4 jeans that were loose on me.
Then I felt angry. But how could they have known that the person they were speaking in front of struggled for years, and suffered, and cried, and fought against all odds to shed an entire person's worth of weight (133 lbs).

Then I felt sad.

We just never know what's going on in a person's mind when they use such strong language- the word "hate" carries a great deal of power. And it's amazing how "little" a person can be, despite the large amount of space they are occupying, to think nothing of hating another individual.

Be mindful of what you're saying, and upon whom you are projecting your feelings and emotions about your own self!

And no matter where you are in your journey, please try not to hate yourself!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNY160 2/2/2013 6:43PM

    Wow. Lots of insight from a brief experience. Spot on, too. I have had the same experience with a female in-law family member who seemed mad at me when I lost 53 lbs. I couldn't figure out why she was being so stand-offish, but I gave up trying to figure it out. The rest of the family was very supportive and encouraging. I have since gained 30 of it back, and now this person seems to be fine with me again. I guess misery loves company?

Strangely enough, I experience the same thing with family get-togethers and meat. I don't eat meat. Therefore I am weird, or a troublemaker, or picky, or (insert negative adjective here). I never make a big deal about it. I eat before I go, or I bring something meatless for anyone to share. But the comments were there, and overheard, and it hurt even though I know it's stupid. BUT the last time I went to one of these get-togethers, there were a number of meatless options, AND one family member (bless her heart) made two versions of her soup--one with ham, one meatless--just so I wouldn't feel excluded or have to eat sweets all night. Gotta love those with heart, ya know? But it just makes me think that, given patience and enough time, people come around. I'm hoping that the women you overheard felt bad later and maybe know in their hearts that slamming "skinnies" is as bad as slamming "fatties". No one should be slamming anyone.

Comment edited on: 2/2/2013 6:46:38 PM

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ROCKINMOM776 2/1/2013 11:19AM

    "Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people..." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

Small-minded, insecure people talk crap about the people they WISH they could be.

I'm proud of you for holding your tongue. Their rudeness was very ugly, and certainly very unprofessional. Shame on them.

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AMBROSIAHINO 2/1/2013 8:52AM

    its their jealousy speaking, don't let them get you down

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PIPSANDMSMAMA79 2/1/2013 2:58AM

    I didn't read everyone else's comments, but my thoughts are that I'm probably one of those women. Not really, because I'd never be that rude, and I don't hate anyone, but I have uttered those exact words, "I hate skinny people" Not because I hate them, but because I'm jealous. That is probably how they feel and why they carried on their conversation in front of you. They feel bad about themselves and it makes them feel better to talk a little smack. Also, everyone knows its better to be fit and in shape and even "thin" than to be obese and they probably feel like they have a license to say something because they feel that they're the victims. You have nothing to be worried about because you've worked hard to get where you are, you look great and once (and hopefully so) they decide to make the journey to get fit they'll realize how much commitment and dedication and even sacrafice it takes to get to where you are. emoticon

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MEGYSU 1/31/2013 11:41AM

    I think these ladies probably carried on their conversation BECAUSE you are a thin person. I think people that are mean spirited tend to want to be overheard, to let you know that they think you are abnormal because you're thin.

Sometimes it's easier as an overweight person to convince yourself that being slender is abnormal or unattainable. Then you're not doing anything wrong, you're just not superhuman like those crazy fit/skinny people.

Well I, for one, am going to continue to strive to be one of those crazy people - and your dedication and candidness provide me with motivation and the knowledge that it can be done, and done well!

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JADOMB 1/30/2013 6:38PM

    Intolerance and ignorance is found in any and every group. That's why it irks me to hear people talking like this too. That is also why I laugh at folks that think they are special or that they aren't or can't be, racist, bigoted, hurtful, sexist, etc. Most are just ignorant of the true meanings.

That being said, one is going to run into this all day long the more they are around people. Sadly, our society, the media, etc. has pretty much normalized bad behavior and language. So we just can't expect to never run into this garbage.

But we can control how it affects US. We all have to learn to have thicker skin and knowledge of the the truth. Then it doesn't matter what ignorant people say. ;-)

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JIGGILY 1/30/2013 4:29PM

    Firstly, you are amazing, congratulations on such a great weight loss, true motivation. Awesome.

Thanks for sharing, this is a very insightful blog.
I think the main thing here is it is easier to say nasty things in a group and voice your opinions, negativity feeds negativity, each leading the other on.
Yes, they are jealous this lady is self disciplined, yes they are jealous they are not, it is a shame, but instead of seeing someone who is looking after themselves, their own self worth is so low they can only be disrespectful.
As for not seeing you, again, I think they were in full flow and probably were so caught up in their sniping the didn't actually realise you were there.

So many people do not realise the actual words coming out of their mouths at times and they can be very hurtful.................unfortunate but true. Having been on the end of hurtful and vindicitve comments I now think that, ok I am over weight but do you know what at least my mind is healthy :) and the rest of me will be soon too!

Thanks again, this brought out so many emotions.





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RAMONAFLOWERZ 1/30/2013 12:57PM

    You are amazing. I think every single member of Spark can relate to this post in some form or another. You showed great restraint, because I would have said something... Most likely calling them out for talking about someone who isn't there to defend themselves and the whole "until you walk in their shoes" bit...

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SADWHITEWOLF 1/30/2013 9:19AM

    People judge.
They assume.
It is one of the sad aspects of human nature.
Worse is when they do in a group.
It's called prejudice, not matter what form it takes or who it is aimed at.
It is not okay.

The best you can do is see it for what it is and move on.
It IS SAD.

You are beautiful (always were) and have won your health through stuggle and strife. Don't let petty jealous gossips ruin that for you ever.


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BOOKWORM27S 1/30/2013 7:27AM

    I really related to this blog. I've been in similar situations, and I'm ashamed to say my pride was actually offended. I felt like I was not being acknowledged as one of the "hated thin people" they were gossiping about! I know, these situations bring up all kinds of twisted emotions! Thanks for sharing, I'm glad I'm not the only one that had mixed emotions to witnessing random conversations like this.

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SUSIQZER 1/30/2013 7:25AM

    I'm speechless. And sad for them. You, however, are awesome.



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SPARKONSKATES 1/30/2013 7:15AM

    I'm glad you shared this blog. Thank you. This happens to me at the ice rink. It hurts. Same here . Use to be obese and made fun of as the "Fat" skater back then. People do need to take care of what they are saying and who in front of. My sister n law is so much like them. Very hurtful. I too feel sorry for them all that they haven't gotten the chance yet to figure out how to work on themselves instead of putting everyone else down. Me- I don't hate thin people. I use them as inspiration and motivation
Good for you !!

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CECISMOMMY09 1/30/2013 4:45AM

    feel sorry for them...because to make themselves feel better they had to try and bring you down@!!!

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GODS_TEMPLE 1/30/2013 12:22AM

    I guess you are now so thin they couldn't see you standing there...

Some people have no common sense at all. No matter what you are talking about, when a customer enters you should put a hold on your conversation. Did they not know that talking about a co-worker in front of anyone else is plain old 'rude', even if they would have been discussing what clothes she had on, or anything else?

I think you did a wonderful job of holding your tongue. I don't know if I could have done that!

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ROCKMAN6797 1/29/2013 10:46PM

    Ugh...I, too, feel sad for those who can only feel good by tearing down a fellow human being. Why? The longer I maintain the more I wonder why it took so long for me to get to where I am. I love this healthier me and want to pay if forward to all that will listen to me. But there is such a thin line between paying it forward and sticking your nose where it does not belong. The one thing I do know is that no good ever comes from talking bad about others. I wish more people realized this.
Thanks for sharing your feelings. It certainly must have been a roller coaster of a ride but you survived and are stronger for it.

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RUNNERRACHEL 1/29/2013 9:01PM

    Great blog. I agree with the others that what these women were saying does not reflect about other people but more about how they feel about themselves. Jealousy and envy have a lot to do with why they say they hate thin people. I think we need more understanding about others and it's important that we not judge anyone by their size and weight. Some people feel that they cannot attain a certain lifestyle or size and so give up and decide that they don't want what others have. And it's important not to judge anyone because we don't know all of their Circumstances. Thank you for sharing

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SPUNKYDUCKY 1/29/2013 6:43PM

    Nice blog. I feel sad for their need to tear down other people regardless of what they are tearing them down for. Good job working your way through the situation and having a healthy attitude in the end and realizing it was about them, and their fears and insecurities and not about you

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ASHPATCH11 1/29/2013 6:21PM

    good blog as normal!

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CAMAEL100 1/29/2013 3:54PM

    Like we say in Ireland - the thin woman is obviously a 'thorn in their side'! She irritates them as she is proof that one can be thin but one has to eat less in order to be thin.

It also sounds as if this woman is not someone for whom being thin is easy. She obviously has her strategies to maintain her weight. So that probably annoys them as well that she is motivated to stay healthy.

I also got the 'you have lost enough' 'you are getting too thin' sort of comments. All from people who are themselves obese but doing nothing about it. And I would never pass any unsolicited comments on their weight!

I also think they were very rude to continue their conversation and let you standing there!!!

But you have obviously come a long way mentally as well as physically and felt sorry for them!! Maybe you should let a Spark ad on their desk!!!! emoticon


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EILEEN828 1/29/2013 3:24PM

    Yes, I could relate to the gamut of emotions those ill considered remarks brought to surface. That they would make a generalized statement in front of a person who exemplifies what they are complaining about is just plain mean spirited. (No matter what the topic.) I guess it would be best to just realize that they probably had also been subject to remarks like these, and were trying to build camaraderie amongst themselves by making themselves feel like they were part of a group that had the same outlook, and therefore they were not alone. Also, it helps to remember that people use words like 'hate' in varying degrees and meanings, and in this case were expressing their extreme annoyance of the whole issue, which is something that they were feeling stuck with and were seeing no clear way out for themselves. Feeling stuck is the number one thing that weight issues bring up, no matter what the number on the scale says. Truer words were never spoken when you said "please try not to hate yourself," it is the key after all. Be glad you've realized this and be proud you found ways through all the struggles, to arrive at your best health! Kudos!

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SHMARA 1/29/2013 3:13PM

    Self hate and denial makes people say cruel , unfair things! You have your head on straight, and you have changed your life for the better. It is terribly sad that good eating habits and not being fat can be ridiculed by anyone, especially people who in fact aren't role models in that sense. Whenever I hated on anyone growing up, it was out of jealousy . Those feelings are immature, and don't require much strength. Changing your life, body, and mindset requires power! I never feel that anymore, because I believe in myself and my self worth.
Too bad this kind of rude encounter made you feel unpleasant. Regardless of who you are, you should think before you speak!

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SQUIRRELLYONE 1/29/2013 2:20PM

    Well written! A friend of the family keeps telling me I need to gain weight every time he sees me (he's Italian... so is his wife). I've taken to laughing it off because there's no malicious intent, but when I hear people talking with such venom about someone who's essentially doing things that better their health... well put it this way: I admire you for not telling them where to stuff it.

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PRINCESSAMY 1/29/2013 2:12PM

    I use to be a "Hater". Then I realized that there is a method to lose weight and keep it off. It wasn't all genetic that my mother made me believe.

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IRP1114 1/29/2013 1:59PM

    Good for you in taking time to share this! I have seen my share of similar situations.... Not fun to witness at all. Sigh. I hope sharing it helped you feel better. You are an amazing person inside and out. You did not deserve to be made to feel all of that during their conversation.
This is one of the reasons I am very strict about using the word hate. Even my sister who is in college or my little brother in HS hear it from me if they say the word hate about anything in front of me. I make them think about it. It is not necessary to say I hate this teacher or things like that even if other kids do it is just not right.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. You will help many people with what you do here.
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ADELE66 1/29/2013 1:09PM

    Great blog! It never ceases to amaze me the force of emotion that weight/ fatness/ thinness seems to generate in people. But you are right, it is completely inappropriate for anyone to be generalising that way about any other group of people. That is the sad part.

Look on the bright side - you have an empathy for others that your own struggles have gifted you. You are the kind person. That's a positive feeling to be left with.

x

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SDLEE514 1/29/2013 1:01PM

    "I don't really know the point of writing this blog" to share and educate and provide insight and inspiration, that's why! so thank you for sharing. I cannot claim to understand being extremely overweight but I have definitely had "I hate thin people moments" it bothers me to no end when I see really skinny people regularly consuming Vente Frappiccinos for lunch, or on the other hand, seeing skinny people only eating a salad for lunch every day because, yeah, I am jealous. I am jealous they are so disciplined. However, I would never actually say this out loud. Regardless, we all need to be tolerant and accepting of others but especially ourselves, no matter our weight. emoticon

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GAILSQUEST 1/29/2013 1:00PM

    Wow,you have such awesome wisdom.
Having been made fun of through my growing up years,those scars don`t ever go away.
I hate gossip of any kind.I look for the good in all people.It`s sad when I hear people doing this to a coworker.

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CATNCAG 1/29/2013 12:38PM

    Wow! You are amazing! I want to lose 200 more pounds. You will be an inspiration to me not only for the weight you've lost but your beautiful soul! I have always been on the fat side of the jokes - you know being made fun of about my weight. I can't imagine what it would be like to be talked about for being too skinny! I have never hated anyone for their weight! R u serious? I admit I've been a little jealous or envious perhaps but hate is such a STRONG word! Can you imagine a world with no hate only love? emoticon emoticon

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CHRISTINASP 1/29/2013 12:30PM

    You're so right in your conclusion.
People will talk and say stupid things. 'I hate thin people'. 'I hate fat people'. 'I hate dogs'. 'I hate cats'. 'I hate it when it's hot'. 'I hate it when it's cold'.
The point is to stop hating and to choose your words carefully.

You're such a beautiful person for reminding me of this.

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AMYMARIE84 1/29/2013 12:22PM

    Such a great blog! I went through something similar. Only the person making comments was someone who had been heavy and then lost a bunch of weight and then SHE had nothing but bad things to say about heavy people that walked by. She used to be that way, she used to have to hear those comments ... so I never understood how she had the gull to say things she did.

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WALKINGMAMMA 1/29/2013 12:17PM

    Great blog! It is difficult to shed the image in our own heads of being the Fat girl.. having been the fat one in my family since childhood, it is tricky to change out mental image of ourselves.

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KATYMS 1/29/2013 11:24AM

    I loved your blog. Your success is inspiring.

I am still far from my goal (my BMI is dropping, but I am still considered obese), but I can't imagine judging someone for being thin like that. Dividing her meal in half when dining out is a good stategy since portions are huge at oh about 90% of restaurants. And heavens no, not a salad for lunch! Egads! Oh the humanity! Those ladies were absolutely textbook projecting onto their poor co-worker. I wonder if they ever try and sabotage her, I know a couple of mine do.

Congrats on your success! Don't let insecure people in you head or your heart ( I know easier said than done sometimes, but we gotta keep at it:)



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EBIELOU 1/29/2013 11:22AM

    The people making comments like this are only self-hating when they say things like this. I've heard it a lot of times directed at me by people who knew me pre-170 pounds. "Oh you've lost enough weight." "You're too thin." "You look sick." They say all of this stuff to me and I'm still in the 190s. It did bother me, but then I realized that most of the people saying this were the same people who were doubting me to begin with. "You'll never be able to lose that much weight." "You can't do it." yada yada yada

Comment edited on: 1/29/2013 11:23:25 AM

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JULIERAE41 1/29/2013 11:21AM

    There is not a feeling you described that I cannot validate. I have been on both sides as well.

I have been a thin hater and a fat hater at the same exact moment. I hated myself when I was heavy and I hated myself when I was down 112 pounds because I thought I didn't deserve to be happy. Which, I suspect, is why I gained back 50 pounds. I was more comfortable in my former sizes.

I am so sorry people can be so uncaring and uninformed. This is a cold world and you are a warm person so you were injured by the cold. Rest in the fact that you have maintained your humanity. You are a sensitive and caring woman who recognises verbal bullying for what it is.

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STINAMARIE86 1/29/2013 11:02AM

    Thank you so much for posting this blog! It carries with it so much detail about how hard it is to be on both sides! You are an amazing person! 133 pounds is a lot of weight! You have every right to every emotion you were feeling!

I do have to admit that I have been the bigger "little" person that has said I hate thin people! I was unhappy with myself and felt incredibly helpless in the fact that I couldn't lose weight! Have I learned a lot since I began my weight loss journey? Of course I have! Do I regret saying mean things about others? YES! But it has made me a better person! I realized it wasn't other people I didn't like, it was myself! I am learning to love myself!

Thanks again for sharing this with all of us! You rock!

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POISONGIRL999 1/29/2013 10:22AM

    Hugs being send your way. Sometimes things just hit us in the wrong way on the wrong day and it's ok to be angry and hurt.

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BEMILLER30 1/29/2013 10:18AM

    Wow! This really has me thinking too. I mean I get mad if I hear "thin" people calling someone fat, b/c I am definitely fat right now. I've never really thought about it the other way around, an overweight person saying they "hate" thin people. Hate is such a strong word. Wow
I can see how that would make you feel that way, but I'm glad you realized that hey you are a size 4 and have done amazing. I've heard and read that after losing a lot of weight like that, it can some times take a while for your mind to catch up to your body.


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ERIN1957 1/29/2013 10:15AM

    Empathy, because you have known both sides.
Ignorance, was theirs not even knowing your presents, not seeing you, because they were caught up in self.
Hope, knowing you can process; who you do not want to be in your own journey.
Forgiveness, because you are better(well/healthy) and have moved forward in your journey.
Gifted, because you have the ability to help the hurt, ignorant, the abused and the broken...because you have grown in all the right ways!
I am excited for you in this new journey and excited that within you, you can help both sides...encouraging them all to be better and support the ones who are willing to change and love the ones that get hurt!

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STSCOTT11 1/29/2013 10:14AM

    THANKS for sharing your this blog.
YOUR RIGHT so often what people are saying is NOT ABOUT YOU but about themselves.
Lots of thoughts go through your mind. Hearing those things or being told something DIRECT conjures up lots of emotions too.

I am 5"4 and got to 166 lbs. People were telling me I was too thin...I would going to disappear...that I didn't need to lose any more weight. One lady even went as far to tell me that I was now a part of the itty bitty titty committee. I get pot shots thrown at me DAILY.

Inwardly I still struggle with those forward remarks from people. People like to tell you don't worry about it...or toughen up...but the truth is there are parts of me never quite prepared for such remarks. I am partly shocked and partly offended by such RUDE FORWARD PERSONAL UNSOLICITED OPINIONS.

A few things I realized that helps me is:
NOBODY had dodo to say when I was 230 lbs. at 5"4". They only turned their attention to me AFTER I shed -65 lbs. NOW suddenly I was TOO THIN?
Each of the people where OBVIOUSLY over weight themselves.
In one way or another the same women said they ENVIED ME or WISH they could do THE SAME THING I DONE.
Now I tell myself the only reason I get the attention is because in the eys of those people they see me as someone who has accomplished something AMAZING.
Instead of being positive about it they are SO DOWN ON THEMSELVES they can't. It is not my problem...it is there's and that is where it should stay.

I still invite the women to walk with me. To go to the gym that is located IN OUR BUILING FOR FREE. To join Spark. To get WWs on the job...and whatever I am doing at the time to continue on my healthy journey.

Take it like this...YOU GOT IT GOING ON. You have earned yourself HATERS.

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CHRISBEM 1/29/2013 10:14AM

    I think it's tough - these women sounded mean, but as a fat person, I hate when my skinny family and especially when my coworkers who really do not know me start saying stuff like "why don't you have just one donut?" It's like the comedian I saw last night said - yeah it's easy to have just one donut..than another and another and another. So, for me, I hate when people, like you said, don't stop to think about what they are saying.

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WROMANS1 1/29/2013 10:11AM

  It stinks of insecurity to me. It is hard to be unhappy with your own situation and sometimes the only way that some people can dealwith that is to turn the tables and convince themselves and those around them that they are the rational, sane, "together" one. We have probably all done some version of this at some point in our lives, but I find it shocking that they would have this conversation in front of a stranger and a customer!

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B-NANA 1/29/2013 10:07AM

    It sounds like you're able to stand up to your "little voices" that try to turn you against yourself. Keep on being beautiful - inside and out.

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