Yesterday I walked into an office in the middle of a conversation that three heavily overweight women were having. They acknowledged my entrance into the office, but I kindly stood to the side of the desk where I was to be assisted and patiently waited for them to finish their conversation. It didn't last long, but here is what I overheard.
Woman A, speaking of a woman who was not in the room: "... and she was already thin, then went and lost 20 more lbs! Now she's underweight! Now she needs to gain weight!"
Woman B: "Yeah, she says when she eats out she divides her portions in half. And all she eats for lunch here is a salad."
Woman C: "I just don't understand thin people."
Woman A: "I know! I HATE thin people! It just doesn't make any sense! I don't see how anyone can live like that! I will never understand it."
Ok- so there I was, listening in. Obviously, the first thing I felt was insecure. Because remember that I am a morbidly obese person who has lost a significant amount of weight. I immediately felt fat again. Because why would they carry on a conversation like that in front of someone who is thin? I felt like I gained a hundred pounds in an instant. But that feeling passed rather quickly. My irrational thoughts come and go as I go about my day, and this happens quite frequently.
Then I felt angry. Would it have been acceptable for three thin women to carry on a conversation like that in an office, in front of customers, about a fat person? But I got over that pretty quickly also, as I began to feel sorry for these women.
I used to be like those women. I couldn't understand people not stuffing their faces constantly... which was precisely what I used to do. I know that people are overweight for many reasons, but ultimately... it takes a pretty good amount of food to be consumed on a continuous basis to gain and maintain as much weight as these women were carrying. This is how they live their lives, and they likely ultimately feel some shame by their weight and intimidation in the company of women who don't have the same habits- like this woman they were talking about.
I don't really know the point of writing this blog. I come across this same scenario often. But yesterday I was taken aback by the various emotions I felt in response to walking into that conversation.
First I felt fat (because if I weren't fat, they wouldn't have said those things in front of me). Then I realized I was wearing size 4 jeans that were loose on me.
Then I felt angry. But how could they have known that the person they were speaking in front of struggled for years, and suffered, and cried, and fought against all odds to shed an entire person's worth of weight (133 lbs).
Then I felt sad.
We just never know what's going on in a person's mind when they use such strong language- the word "hate" carries a great deal of power. And it's amazing how "little" a person can be, despite the large amount of space they are occupying, to think nothing of hating another individual.
Be mindful of what you're saying, and upon whom you are projecting your feelings and emotions about your own self!
And no matter where you are in your journey, please try not to hate yourself!