Tuesday, January 29, 2013
It's ok to never be you again. I have accepted that you existed in a time when my life was not my own. My life belonged to everyone else and my body was a twisted reflection of trying to look the part. You got a lot of attention, sometimes you braved being the life of the party but you always knew the truth. You knew that getting that body where it was, was a slippery slope of everything destructive just to look good. And although those habits can't exist today, it is ok that they did then. I forgive you. I forgive myself for being selfish and always wanting a quick fix. Because back then quick fixes bore confidence, even if it was false- it was there.
So know that I accept who you were and why you chose to be that way but you have to stay there. You have to stay in those pictures because even if I venture to be that size again it will be a process. It will be the culmination of lots of small steps on this greater journey of being healthy. So to you girl I left behind, other part of my past self, I release you and the hold you had on me. It's just time to let go.