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    HONEYBEE42   16,745
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Frustrated


Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Well, today I managed to get a legit parking spot. Just as I turned into the lot, I saw someone get in the car and so I just waited and waited until she left, then I snagged it. There were about four other cars circling the lot at the time, but I got it! They've got some tractors flattening out some areas for additional parking today, but honestly! How could they not realize parking was going to be a MAJOR issue.

Of course, that's not the only thing frustrating me right now. Youngest son won an iPad at a church raffle in December. Oldest son has been on his case constantly, wanting to borrow it, getting mad when youngest son passworded it, etc. So this morning, oldest son decides that in the five minutes before I leave for work is a good time to discuss w/ me that he thinks youngest shouldn't password his iPad because YS had been looking up inappropriate YouTube videos (based on what OS said, I think we're talking stuff that was PG13 but had R-type search words ... of course YS is about to turn 12 so that he would be curious about sexual content isn't shocking). I'll deal w/ YS. I repeat *AGAIN* that OS is not a parent and doesn't have authority over the other kids unless I delegate it to him, and I mention some of his inappropriate behaviors and say that if he can't acknowledge that I alone have disciplinary authority that I might even have to ask him to move out (OS is 19, not working, not in school ... I know he was pretty badly damaged by stuff that happened in my marriage, but enough is enough). I told him I don't want to do that, but that he has got to step down and stop trying to parent his siblings.

So then OS says that I show too much favoritism towards YS over all the others. As an example, he stated that it was unfair when my DD (twin to YS) got a behavior concern at school, I grounded her for a week. Anything less wouldn't have affected her, to be honest. Yes, the underlying behavior wasn't that bad (playing on her school-issued technology w/ a different subject than the class she was in, say working on math in English class) but she could have avoided the problem by asking permission instead of just doing it. Then she tried to minimize it with the famous "but everyone else was doing it". More recently, YS got into trouble when there was a fight at school he was involved in--he was punched but did not hit, he just used bad language. I grounded him 3 days, and he also had to serve 3 days of inschool suspension. But the other side of that coin is why it happened--he was in PE class and his stuff (coat and backpack) that he had to bring with him because of school layout) got put into the trash can and the teacher was oblivious. He got mad, then when someone else started laughing, he felt that was the culprit (and it likely was based on who it was and my knowledge of these kids) and started name-calling. Now, quite frankly I do think it was wrong for his school consequences to be so severe. He was BULLIED and reacted and also freely admitted that he knew he had totally screwed up.

OS said that "everyone else can see from these two examples that you favor YS". I honestly do not think I do. Thoughts?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
DOLPHINSINGER72 1/29/2013 6:20PM

    Yes, those things do sound like they would be frustrating. Unfortunately I do not have kidlets, so I don't feel like I can give much suggestions on that one. I do believe in what CMROBERTS0617 has to say though. :)

I hope you start feeling feeling more relaxed.

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SAMMI4444 1/29/2013 9:50AM

    Many times, the punishment doesn't fit the crime as it does the person committing the crime. Your YS got punished not just by you, but also from the school. Wheareas the other 2 kids had to only deal with you. Kids are always going to say that their siblings have it easier than they do. It's just part of being siblings.

The 19 year old should realize he's SEVEN years older than his younger siblings and in position to compare himself to them. The age difference is too great and many things change with time also.


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CMROBERTS0617 1/29/2013 9:49AM

    I don't think you do. I'm the oldest of 3 girls and I can tell you from experience, my parents treated us differently. It took me until I was in my 20s that the reason for this was because we were different people. You had to teat me a certain way to get your point across, but if you did that to the middle sister, you wouldn't get the same results. I am now the mother of 4 boys and I know that you have to treat each child different. I think you should find some way to let your OS understand that. I was sort of like him when I was 19. He'll grow out of it. I didn't until I was about 24-25, but I wasn't living at home with mom and dad. If you need someone to talk to about anything, feel free to friend me on here and message me. I'll do my best to help.

ps. I think your YS was legit in passwording the iPad. It IS his and it was given to HIM. You could ask the OS how he would feel if the roles were reversed.

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