UHH! I hate that I haven't been taken my vitamins again. I was doing good again then stopped again.
I hate that I cheat!! I made those cake pops for Joey's birthday party. For the icing you have to buy a little tub of icing and a bag of chocolate chips to melt together to dip them in. We had chocolate chips left over so guess who ate those? Yep me. We also had a vanilla tub of icing left over because we bought that just in case I wanted to decorate the cake pops with it. I ended up drizzling melted peanut butter and chocolate over them instead so we didn't end up even opening it. Well guess who did open it and ate it all up? Yep, me again.
It's like I have absolutely no will power some times! I did start putting turkey pepperoni on the boys pizza any time I make it for them because then I won't end up picking at it too. The meat grosses me out too much. I wish I could slather everything with meat. lol!
I also need a good kick in the bottom for exercising. I could easily be working on my upper body, something. I could kick the boys out of their game room at night and do a yoga dvd. Something! I had made my goal to get 15,000 steps a day to kinda force me to get my butt on the treadmill. I'm doing good if I get over the 10,000 in lately. Which I do most days. But I know my body needs more than that.
It's like I'm so all or nothing.. ALL THE TIME! It's like I'm in 110% and I go go go full force. And then I fizzle. This knee thing is not helping but it's not a big enough excuse. Also the baby thing is not helping but again, not a big enough excuse.
I was really hoping with the cruise right around the corner it would perk me up to want to get swimsuit ready. And I do feel a tiny spark in there somewhere trying to catch hold. And then there's my fitbit which I still do love, but apparently I need it to physically push me around.
It's like I feel this mini me inside trying to come out, trying to fight for pep and motivation and drive and energy but it's trapped right now for some reason.
I have been so proud of all these things I'm getting done, and I still am. But I need to get back my pep and drive and motivation for exercise again. It's all kinda centered on that. I had better will power for not cheating with bad foods, I took my vitamins, I drank a million gallons of water, everything kinda falls into place when I work my butt off literally.
I've got to figure this thing out. I HAVE to make a plan of action. Is it the winter? Is it my knee? Is it the baby? Is it a combination of all of the above? And what can I do about it?
Is there a place similar to where I was going before that will watch babies, that is just as cheap? Is that the answer? Then I could take her with me during the day. Would that screw up her nap or feeding schedule? Could I work around that? Is my problem that I NEED to do group exercise like Zumba and yoga outside the house?
I think with my knee I need to stick with yoga. The boys and I have "dance parties" and it still hurts when I do that. But I am going to make the commitment today to look for something.
I have to do this for me. I deserve to be happy. And I am happier when I exercise and get out around people.
I'm feeling better already just talking it out! Getting it all off my chest. The search is on!! :)