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Tuesday, January 29, 2013

UHH! I hate that I haven't been taken my vitamins again. I was doing good again then stopped again.
I hate that I cheat!! I made those cake pops for Joey's birthday party. For the icing you have to buy a little tub of icing and a bag of chocolate chips to melt together to dip them in. We had chocolate chips left over so guess who ate those? Yep me. We also had a vanilla tub of icing left over because we bought that just in case I wanted to decorate the cake pops with it. I ended up drizzling melted peanut butter and chocolate over them instead so we didn't end up even opening it. Well guess who did open it and ate it all up? Yep, me again.
It's like I have absolutely no will power some times! I did start putting turkey pepperoni on the boys pizza any time I make it for them because then I won't end up picking at it too. The meat grosses me out too much. I wish I could slather everything with meat. lol!
I also need a good kick in the bottom for exercising. I could easily be working on my upper body, something. I could kick the boys out of their game room at night and do a yoga dvd. Something! I had made my goal to get 15,000 steps a day to kinda force me to get my butt on the treadmill. I'm doing good if I get over the 10,000 in lately. Which I do most days. But I know my body needs more than that.
It's like I'm so all or nothing.. ALL THE TIME! It's like I'm in 110% and I go go go full force. And then I fizzle. This knee thing is not helping but it's not a big enough excuse. Also the baby thing is not helping but again, not a big enough excuse.
I was really hoping with the cruise right around the corner it would perk me up to want to get swimsuit ready. And I do feel a tiny spark in there somewhere trying to catch hold. And then there's my fitbit which I still do love, but apparently I need it to physically push me around.
It's like I feel this mini me inside trying to come out, trying to fight for pep and motivation and drive and energy but it's trapped right now for some reason.
I have been so proud of all these things I'm getting done, and I still am. But I need to get back my pep and drive and motivation for exercise again. It's all kinda centered on that. I had better will power for not cheating with bad foods, I took my vitamins, I drank a million gallons of water, everything kinda falls into place when I work my butt off literally.
I've got to figure this thing out. I HAVE to make a plan of action. Is it the winter? Is it my knee? Is it the baby? Is it a combination of all of the above? And what can I do about it?
Is there a place similar to where I was going before that will watch babies, that is just as cheap? Is that the answer? Then I could take her with me during the day. Would that screw up her nap or feeding schedule? Could I work around that? Is my problem that I NEED to do group exercise like Zumba and yoga outside the house?
I think with my knee I need to stick with yoga. The boys and I have "dance parties" and it still hurts when I do that. But I am going to make the commitment today to look for something.
I have to do this for me. I deserve to be happy. And I am happier when I exercise and get out around people.
I'm feeling better already just talking it out! Getting it all off my chest. The search is on!! :)

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I agree, do not beat yourself up! Darn frosting. I did the same thing recently when I could not get the craving out of my head for literally months and decided to buy some frosting to put on some gluten free cupcakes. Well, the cupcakes didn't pan out, but the frosting and a spoon were available. Eeks! I ended up tossing the half tub I had left the next morning. But kicking myself didn't help things along, it just allowed more guilt to seep in, and that was more detrimental than the calories.
    So now I am trying to ask myself what I learned from that emo eating? Well, I know that the pull of yucky sweets is still strong with me, and I still cannot have those things in the house (no matter how much my husband protests). And that's a battle I need to fight daily.
    But we can do it! And you have come sooooo very far. So this was just a minor hiccup.
    Next time, put turkey pepperoni in the frosting tub.
    That will stop ya!
    1873 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/31/2013 12:01:44 PM
    Oh how well I know. I worked so hard last week did not eat one sweet thing logged all my food got on that scale after the first week and gained 2 lbs that just discourges me to no end I feel like what is the point!!!!! I know I have to keep trying, but that makes it very hard. Faith
    1875 days ago
    You're like me.. very all or nothing. And some days I have no will power. Like yesterday, I worked out and ate perfect. Then at night I remembered that there was chocolate in my fridge. So then I rationalized that if I ate it all, I wouldn't have to worry about it another day. Sooooo I ate all the chocolate. There was a lot.. of.. chocolate..

    Anyway, just keep pushing forward!! You can do it!
    1875 days ago
    I also have a cruise coming up and I personally found that I was putting too much pressure on myself to look amazing for it. I am funny that way, emoticon sometimes too much of a goal makes me want to lay down and quit. So now, I am just focusing on cleaning up my act one day at a time. It seems to work better for me. You have an amazing spark team and you have incredible energy.
    1876 days ago
    Thinking of other ways to make your plan work is exactly what you need to do. I have struggled with knee pain myself; finding something that doesn't bother it is key. Thankfully a cortisone shot every 6 months has been helping me stay active without pain; strengthening my legs with weight lifting has also made a huge difference for me as well. I hope you find what works for you. Keep on keeping on girlfriend!

    Hugs ~ Melissa
    1876 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/29/2013 11:03:25 AM
    put all the negatives behind you - we all do it - and we all have to STOP - every day is a victory of sorts. whether it is completing a list of chores, preparing meals with ourselves in mind - making things healthy or whatever.
    no one can be perfect and perfection is in the eye of the beholder. i totally relate to the 150% or 0% mind set - but as i have gotten older, and been working at this all my life. i realize i can do my best - for whatever that is on any given day -
    i know some days will be better than others - and i know there are things i can SAY AND DO everyday to improve - i smile - smiling just makes you think better and clearer some how. i journal, blog, read and play with my dogs. i certainly talk t my dogs since they are the only ones who listen attentively and without objection or interruption LOL
    anyway - you are aware and that is the main thing. you cannot change what you do not acknowledge. be the person you know you are!! BB
    1876 days ago
    i understand. sometimes it's just really hard to find the motivation you need....feeling down physically is a big hurdle to jump.
    i hope you can find something you enjoy doing so exercise is FUN and something you look forward to. emoticon
    1876 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    I don't want to ruin your mojo but berating yourself for not getting to 15,000 steps when you do get to 10,000 seems pretty counterproductive. And yes, you probably do lose willpower because we have only so much to draw on at a time. It can be bolstered sometimes with positive thinking, but it's not endless. That's why we have to have REASONABLE plans.

    I'm also going to say something that will seem outrageous but in my 6 years on Spark I think I have seem more failures over this one thing than anything: baking sweets. We are LYING to ourselves 90% of the time if we think we can do this and have the stuff around for it unless we have been eating moderately without major slip ups for at least several months. It's not forever, but consider taking a break. You can still buy sweets for particular occasions and plan to have no leftovers. Your children will be fine.

    1876 days ago
    Everyone has days like this sometimes. Don't beat yourself up over it. Your doing great already, just keep trying. Eventually you will get even more motivation to stick and keep you going. But don't fret little things. Birthdays are an even harder time to stick to a routine, just like holidays are. Besides winter is a pain in the butt, I know it tends to get me down, but I refuse to let it for very long I get up and find something else to do especially when I really want to snack on something not so healthy.

    emoticon emoticon
    1876 days ago
  • PUNZIE73
    Been there done that! Someone on SP once compared letting one day of bad eating decisions to getting a speeding ticket. You wouldn't let that ONE act ruin your driving record by then continuing to speed and breaking other laws would you? (Cuz that would be just cray-cray!)

    But I've been there, usually at night destroying an otherwise successful day with some bone-head choices like inhaling an entire bag of potato chips! You've recognized what you've done to sabotage your efforts but you HAVE NOT GIVEN UP and that's the important thing. Get knocked down seven times - STAND UP eight. Here's to a new day of making choices that will help us reach our goals! You got this! emoticon

    1876 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/29/2013 7:45:19 AM
    I hope you find a place with Zumba again. You seemed to like that so much. And I agree, I do better when everything is in place. Better workouts lead to better nutrition. Good luck today!
    1876 days ago
    I enjoyed your blog.... keep on keeping on...
    1876 days ago
    Ah a fellow perfectionist! I hear your plea! i am also a go big or go home type at the beginning and then something happens to derail my progress. But I am doing something different this time. This time I am incorporating exercises I can do throughout the day. So instead of 15000 steps I walk up and down my stairs. And I don't treat it as a workout. I do this on laundry day when I normally go up and down stairs anyway. I just focus on activating those glutes and hams when i do this. Do you like to dance? have a dance party with your kids in the game room. Need to do strength training? Start bench pressing your baby! She will love it and you can get off your guilt trip. I have desk job so I make a point to take the stairs as much as point. I also use the restroom that is the furthest away from my office. It's little things but I think it's helpful for people like us to keep us on track and stay motivated. Dont forget to give yourself cheat days. Sometimes you have to go back in order to move forward. Remember we want progress not perfection. emoticon
    1876 days ago
  • CHELE0329
    Sweetie, I so know how you feel. I am the same way...I set goalds I go hard for a day or two, and then nothing...its like an all or nothing kind of thing. There is a few things that might help there a gym close by your house that has daycare? If so that would be your answer, plan to go right before the baby takes a nap. If not, how about a friend, aunt or grandmother that could come over for a an house even mayb e twice a week, to watch the baby while you exercise and take some "Me" time. Sounds liek you have alot going on right now, so beat yourself up. Everyday is a new day to get it right. I started setting myself small daily goals, and I started writitng them down, this kind of hold me accountable...I am on week 2 and down 7 lbs, so its working for me, thus far. Plan your afternoons around the baby...example, when the baby takes a nap around say 1pm, thats the time you workout...even if its watching tv and marching in place during the tv show, anything....hope this helps you some...good luck! Keep your head up, you got this!!!
    1876 days ago
    Don't beat yourself up. I think winter months are harder for staying motivated. but, continue to chide yourself and as long as you recognize that you want to change back to doing all those things you mentioned before, you can, get there. emoticon
    1876 days ago
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