The Obsessive Control Freak in Me.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Did I tell you I was trying to lose weight?
I am immersed.
I bet there are some people who can get up, figure out their meals for the day, check their spark page, schedule their exercise and move on with a normal day.
That person is not THIS person.
I am Obsessed.
I have to be.
It's who I am.
When I begin something like losing weight, I take it on, all of it. Recipes, Calorie Counters, Labels, Exercise Equipment, the whole nine yards.
It stays on my mind all day, everyday, I have never learned how to calm down and just do whatever program I am doing. If I am going to exercise, I will do it every day, think about it all day, and wonder if I should do more at the end of the day. My full attention will be on it.
It's not all I talk about, thankfully, but it is what I think about.
While I have never investigated if I have an obsessive disorder, I am pretty sure I do and I saw that same trait in my dad growing up. My husband says, "well you didn't get it from a stranger". He's right. My dad did whatever the new thing was...until it was overdone, and he exhausted by it.
I am trying my best not to follow in his footsteps, but I do find the same things that he enjoyed interesting. When my dad learned to make wine, he made wine all the time. When he learned how to make bean sprouts in a mason jar, he went nuts and made tons of them, and sent all of us ming beans and screens so we could do the same. And the list goes on and on and on.
I am positive that my downfalls on weight loss in the past were due (in part) to this behavior of mine because it actually can be exhausting at some point.
Now is the time for me to try some new behaviors, because I fear that if I don't that when I lose the weight, (and by the way I AM going to lose the weight) I won't know what to do with myself. Learning self control for me, is not just about the calories and the food, its about turning my mind off on whatever I am doing, just enough to still do it, but not obsess over it.
I am going to work on that project today. ALL DAY. LOL
until next time, stay strong, be happy, We CAN do this.