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    RUNNINGWILD   135,369
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Forget the past....

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

As anyone in my BLC family knows, I *LOVE* getting to use my pretty purple bingo dauber. This weeks challenge is one of those times. This blog should, technically, take care of three of the squares on my card and move me closer to a complete black out. Something I hate is math. A blackout means I don't have to do any. Thanks for pointing that out, CHARLIE215.

Okay, here we go:
emoticon Forgive yourself for one thing in your past -
Something that I'm extremely mad at myself for is the way I treated myself and my boys in the first three years of my life as a parent. Looking back, I realize that, emotionally, I was in a very bad place. I'd like to diagnose myself as having post-partum depression but I think my real reason for the way I acted was that I was unhappy BEFORE I got pregnant and did nothing to fix it. So I ate. A lot. And I drank. Often. I folded into myself and tried to pretend that everything was okay but, at one point, I realized that not only did I not love myself but my love for my sons was only "theoretical". Horrible, huh? It took seeing a photo of myself at my second son's first birthday to snap me out of everything. I gave up drinking. I gave up caffeine & soft drinks. I gave up finishing what my two toddlers didn't. I started walking. I separated from my husband. I started caring about myself and then I fell in love with my boys.
I'm in a place now where I do love myself. I definitely love my children. Colin turned 16 yesterday, Logan is 14 and Emily is now 15 months..... they are definitely my entire world. I have to let go of that lingering anger at my younger self. She's gone. She's matured. End of story.

emoticon How will your life change when you reach your fitness/weight goal? How will you feel?
Well, this one's kind of easy because I'm where I want to be. I feel awesome. I love the way my body allows me to do pretty much whatever I ask it to do. THAT'S WHAT CHANGED. Hauling my 180 pound former self up the stairs to do laundry used to be a larger chore than the laundry itself. Now, I train for some of my events by running stairs. Lots of them. I don't have a lot of limitations. This is definitely cause for celebration.

emoticon Plan your meals for the next week.
Breakfast - cheerios (a 50/50 mix of banana and chocolate flavours), a cup of skim milk, a banana, coffee with cream.
Lunch - I've stocked up on good soup flavours and the winter chill is here this week. I'll be pairing my weekday soups with a sandwich (or half a sandwich depending on the calories in the soup).
Dinner -
Tuesday: Frozen pasta dinner (pre-run) & caesar salad (post-run)
Wednesday: Colin's birthday dinner is at an Italian restaurant. I'm not sure yet what that will be. I'll be watching my calories during the day. At this point, I'm thinking a good slice of authentic pizza and a green salad.
Thursday: Salmon, teriyaki noodles and steamed vegetables.
Friday: Chicken fajitas, mexican rice and salad.
Saturday: (breakfast) Homemade waffles with fruit, bacon & eggs. (lunch) leftovers from the prior weeks meals - TBD. (dinner) beef tacos, southwest salad
Sunday: (breakfast) Oatmeal & a banana. (lunch) soup (dinner) homemade BBQ burgers, yam fries, salad

Wow - that was harder than the "forgive" portion.
Time to watch my dvr'd episode of "Biggest Loser" and get ready for bed. It's going to "feel" like -37 with the windchill in the morning... Joy, oh freakin' joy. Can't wait. Good thing I love my job.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BE-THE-CHANGE 2/2/2013 7:36AM

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GAYEMC 2/1/2013 9:17PM

    Way to go on the Bingo challenge. I didn't have such a great weekend but I did participate. Gonna nail this game show challenge!

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BILLALEX70 2/1/2013 12:13PM

    Forgiving ourselves is the hardest thing to do. We can't go back and change anything, but try to make things going forward better.

Over the years I let my miserable marriage ruin me and thus the relationship with my daughter. We've only got a few years left, but I'm trying my hardest to show her I'm there for her.

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MARIATORA 1/31/2013 4:13PM

    Your "forgive yourself" part sounds just like my life. I was in such a bad place that I don't remember a lot of what happened all those years ago. You are a brave and inspirational woman. You are a great example of turning one's life around. Thank you for sharing.
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MIAMIA7 1/30/2013 5:15PM

    You are an inspiration my friend! It is hard to hold your head up high, move on and let go of the past but you have done just that. I will admit spark people has shown me how to be a strong woman (along with fighting my health issues). You are one strong woman!!! Hugs.

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CARILOUIE 1/30/2013 8:20AM

    You are just so freakin' awesome. You continue to inspire me - especially with the Forgive section. I have such a hard time letting go of the old me and making peace with how I used to be...

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ONE*BUSY*MOM 1/30/2013 2:13AM

    Love the forgiveness part, Penny. It's great advice. Thanks for sharing. And I'm so happy you are happy.

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CASSIOEPIA 1/29/2013 9:28PM

    Love the honesty here Penny. You have developed into a wonderful Mommy!

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BOBBYD31 1/29/2013 7:03PM

    proud of you P! you are a true inspiration

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EBERNARD19 1/29/2013 2:30PM

    You're "forgive myself" section was so honest, thank you for that. I'm glad that you are in a much better place :)

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BLUE42DOWN 1/29/2013 12:58AM

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