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    MAE4181   19,022
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Day 882: Doing This on My Own (But Not)

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

So, I'm back. Not for the first time, but hopefully permanently.

I know this works because I've lost over 60 pounds doing it. Then my routine gets changed and rather than adapting and accepting that I can't be perfect, I quit.

Well, it's time to accept that I can't be perfect, and this isn't perfect, and figure out how to do this anyway.

When I started SP (day 1), I was unemployed with lots and lots of time on my hands and inspired by a Biggest Loser Challenge. And I did great during that Challenge. Then it ended. And I was left floundering, begging for the next Challenge to start because I didn't know how to do this without the motivation and support of a team. And when the next Challenge started, I was back on track and did great. Thus started my Challenge dependance circle: great while the Challege was going, floudering and sinking when it wasn't, and always looking for another Challenge to join.

Then I found a job. Mid-Challenge. And I couldn't deal with the sudden time restraints working put on my Challenge participation. So rather than just admit that I no longer had the time required to participate in the Challenges "perfectly," I quit. Because quitting was better than being perfect, obviously [hear sarcasm].

And once I quit, over the next year, I gained back 25 of the pounds I had lost :( [Luckily, it wasn't all 60. Or, even half :)] So, I decided to join another Challenge. And I quit, because once again, I couldn't deal with my inability to be "perfect" for the Challenge.

A few months later, I still have only gained back 25 pounds, a miracle if you knew how crappily [is that a word? I'm doing with it anyway] I've been eating.

But, I feel like crap about myself. And I'm tired of being sad and depressed and HATING myself! And so, before I give up on myself completely [and because I hate people who whine about all that's wrong with their lives without doing anything to fix it, when they can], I have come back to Spark.

Not with the intention of being perfect, but of doing the best that I can.

On my own, with the help of my SparkFriends, not a Challenge.

On my own, because I need to learn to do this by myself, without the help of a Challenge to motivate and inspire me.

Because I need to motivate and inspire me [with the help of the very supportive and inspiring people on this fantastic site]
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 1/29/2013 12:34AM

    Mae, you can do this. You have the tools you need from your experiences with challenges and knowing what motivates you. You don't have to be perfect, no one really expects perfection (except us of ourselves). Remember what Spark Guy always says start small and build from where you are. OK I paraphrased but still. It's great to see you back! Have fun with it!

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ZRIE014 1/29/2013 12:20AM

  get back on the bike and move on with your goal. emoticon

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