Day 882: Doing This on My Own (But Not)
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
So, I'm back. Not for the first time, but hopefully permanently.
I know this works because I've lost over 60 pounds doing it. Then my routine gets changed and rather than adapting and accepting that I can't be perfect, I quit.
Well, it's time to accept that I can't be perfect, and this isn't perfect, and figure out how to do this anyway.
When I started SP (day 1), I was unemployed with lots and lots of time on my hands and inspired by a Biggest Loser Challenge. And I did great during that Challenge. Then it ended. And I was left floundering, begging for the next Challenge to start because I didn't know how to do this without the motivation and support of a team. And when the next Challenge started, I was back on track and did great. Thus started my Challenge dependance circle: great while the Challege was going, floudering and sinking when it wasn't, and always looking for another Challenge to join.
Then I found a job. Mid-Challenge. And I couldn't deal with the sudden time restraints working put on my Challenge participation. So rather than just admit that I no longer had the time required to participate in the Challenges "perfectly," I quit. Because quitting was better than being perfect, obviously [hear sarcasm].
And once I quit, over the next year, I gained back 25 of the pounds I had lost :( [Luckily, it wasn't all 60. Or, even half :)] So, I decided to join another Challenge. And I quit, because once again, I couldn't deal with my inability to be "perfect" for the Challenge.
A few months later, I still have only gained back 25 pounds, a miracle if you knew how crappily [is that a word? I'm doing with it anyway] I've been eating.
But, I feel like crap about myself. And I'm tired of being sad and depressed and HATING myself! And so, before I give up on myself completely [and because I hate people who whine about all that's wrong with their lives without doing anything to fix it, when they can], I have come back to Spark.
Not with the intention of being perfect, but of doing the best that I can.
On my own, with the help of my SparkFriends, not a Challenge.
On my own, because I need to learn to do this by myself, without the help of a Challenge to motivate and inspire me.
Because I need to motivate and inspire me [with the help of the very supportive and inspiring people on this fantastic site]