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My Visit to the Dietician--Part 2

Monday, January 28, 2013

After my encouraging appointment with the dietician a few weeks ago, I decided to try her advice (and perhaps push my luck) to see a different dietician who specializes in disordered eating. I didn’t even wig out when I considered the label and called myself a disordered eater. I can claim that. I guess I didn’t put a lot of thought or preparation for this appointment. Maybe I should have thought a little deeper or maybe it was better that I didn’t have time to pre-plan but it was a much tougher appointment than I had bargained for.

I was pleased that I met with another dietician who did not leave me feeling lower than a snake’s belly. She couldn’t have been nicer or more knowledgeable. What I didn’t seem to comprehend going in was that she was going to challenge some of my disordered thinking and leave me feeling vulnerable. She never attacked or was negative about what I have believed or done, but she did dig past my surface answer and try to pick apart the twisted ball of emotions that is attached to some of my habits.

After that appointment, I tried to do what I did when I was first diagnosed with diabetes, go out and eat. It left me feeling really hollow. Then I came home and did more ”I’ll show you” eating: still no satisfaction. Just hollow desperation. I have spent all evening wandering to the kitchen trying to find something that will soothe the mental upset I am in. Nothing works. I can’t even find anything I want to eat. If that isn’t strange enough, I found myself forcing me to eat anything because it was justified or something. I was force-feeding a binge, even though my body said, “Nah, not worth it.” This is a new one for me. Scary.

I know there are a lot of things brewing subconsciously after this appointment, but I have to wait a bit to figure out what they are. I needed to talk this over with someone, and my Sparkfriends were the first people I wanted to talk to. I am sort of in a numb state right now: like I was sideswiped and haven’t come out of the shock yet. I am hopeful in the days and weeks to come I can start to figure it out. Although it is leaving me feel a bit off balance tonight, I have to believe that this will help me on my journey to lose weight and live healthier once and for all.

Any thoughts?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Linda, I believe you have had a breakthrough! Going down this road with anther tool in your pocket, this is the last time and you are gonna make it!! I am excited for you, too!

    Raelene (formerly WascallyWabbit, now WascallyWone)
    1850 days ago
    Unfortunately I can't offer muc advice but please know that I am here for you. I know you will work thru this and come out on the other side smiling!

    I like DD's post. I agree with her. You are facing the why's and are going to head them off before the binge starts. Try logging your feelings. Are you going to meet with her again??

    emoticon emoticon
    1851 days ago
  • SUNNY89
    At least you are facing these issues. You are looking at changing them. Though change is often never easy. I know I often go at it kicking and screaming. Maybe now that you tried the force fed binge you can forward and be positive about the change. Best of luck to you.
    1851 days ago
    As unsettling as this has been I find it very promising since I think getting to the bottom of these feelings and thoughts has got to be beneficial in the long run. Here's a thought....take a pad of paper and start jotting down some of these feelings, attempted coping strategies, results....just a few words such as

    anger...binge on xxxxxxxxxxxxx....hollow

    As you fill a page with this sort of thing I suspect you will be seeing things pretty clearly and no it won't be an instant resolution but you will go to your next appointment armed with insights. Oh, perhaps as a second part of this would be to follow each line with three other words that might reflect other coping anger.....walk or call a friend or spark etc.....and the feeling that this might evoke.
    1851 days ago
    as they say here on spark:

    if hunger is the reason, food will do the trick.
    if hunger is not the reason, food will never solve the problem.

    also, it sounds to me like this second dietician is going to be successful.
    1851 days ago
  • KELPIE57
    Hmmmmm........ can I give an allegory?
    You know in the morning, before the sun has had a chance to burn off the early mist, sometimes you can't tell which direction is which. But the sun is there, ready to come out. Maybe that's where you are, so hang on in there, and the sun will come out! and burn away some of the mist that is surrounding your relationshhip with food at the moment.
    Hang on in there, you can do this!

    1851 days ago
    emoticon Hang in there!!
    1851 days ago
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