Monday, January 28, 2013
Forgiveness is a really, REALLY tough thing to understand sometimes. There is usually a negative "something" attached to it. Someone had to do something wrong in order to need forgiveness.......
Sometimes forgiving someone is easy. They prove to you that they are remorseful, or they promise you changes, or they show you that they are sorry. There are many reasons why forgiveness is in order.
Then there are those times when forgiveness is necessary for YOU. What if we have to forgive someone who has wronged us that isn't necessarily remorseful. Or they did something so horrendous, but in order for you to move past it, you must forgive them? What a difficult concept.
Forgiveness is for YOU not for the person whom you are forgiving. And that is a tough thing to understand sometimes.
But forgiving YOURSELF for something YOU have done??? Wow. That's a whole 'nother level of difficult......
Several years ago, I betrayed my husband. I didn't have this "sordid affair" or anything, but I did have a "connection" with someone else. This was not an ongoing thing by any means, but people got hurt.
We had many things going on at the time and this did NOT help. Needless to say, we struggled through it. He has forgiven me, but it is something that plagues me EVERYDAY. I have literally been to confession about it and have prayed about it often. It's just something that I think about a lot. I put myself in my husband's shoes and I just die inside to think about the hurt that he went through. I can't imagine why I thought it was ok to hurt him like that. What kind of person am I?
I have changed sooooo much since that happened. Not only in that aspect, but in a ton of ways. I am a good person. I am doing good things. I have plenty of room for improvement, but I am definitely heading in the right direction!
It's time. It's time to let it go. God has forgiven me. My husband has forgiven me.
I am sorry.
I am forgiven.
(With God's help.)