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If pants fall in a grocery store, and no one sees it, is it still a NSV?

Monday, January 28, 2013

Short answer: heck yeah it is. Funny thing, it took me a while to recognize it as such, and then only after reading about Emma’s (emmaekay) Zumba adventures. She mentioned needing to Macgyver herself a new belt, and I thought about a time, long ago, when…well, let’s just set the scene, shall we?

Once upon a time, and a very good time it was, a moocow…wait, wrong story…it was a light and refreshing morning when our hero (me!) went to the gym. I remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was Saturday, a whole TWO days ago. I was wearing a well loved pair of sweatpants, so loved that I’d failed to replace the drawstring, which had fallen to the ravages of a washing machine a few months before. Owing perhaps to the shorts worn under the sweats, perhaps due to leaving my wallet in the car, no mishap occurred on the way to the gym. Afterwards, however, afterwards was a slightly different story. Unencumbered by gym shorts removed due to an incident with a water bottle’s wayward cap, and burdened by a wallet and phone in addition to the jingle jangle of my keys, the sweats had a looming date with gravity.

And this encounter would take place, not in the privacy of a vehicle, or within the safe walls of my domicile, but rather in public, at a grocery store. For, you see, I had need of a few sundry items. Of which sun dried raisins were one. In order to procure these items, I ventured directly from the gymnasium to the nearest Kroger store. As I set foot within its hallowed and marshmallowed halls (on sale for 99 cents!) I noticed the weight of the wallet, sadly a weight born not of monetary heft, tugging upon the elastic waistband, dragging it groundward.

It was, then, an entirely good thing that I only had need of those three or four items. It was less of a good thing that those items were widely spaced through the store, and I didn’t know where one of them was located, such that I had to wander a bit until finding a kindly aproned one who could guide my steps. For at each step, the waistband fell a few millimeters. After a dozen or so steps, millimeters were measured in inches. By the time I got to the end of an aisle, I had both hands in my coat pockets, trying to discretely return said waistband to its former heights. The discretionary movements weren’t always so elegantly performed; on occasion, direct action was required, with hopes that no one was looking.

Usually, people walk around with guts sucked in, a pretense at health. That day, the opposite applied, as the belly was pushed out in an effort to make the sweatpants behave.
Those ten minutes inside that grocery store were a hilarious torture. I felt grimy from the exercise, and grungy in those sweats, constantly wondering if anyone was looking at me, and internally laughing my butt off about the absurdity of the situation. I shouldn’t have worried at all, really, as it was a Saturday morning, and I was hardly the only one in sweats, hardly the only one looking as if they were dashing in for a quick pickup, uncaring about what the world thought of them. But hey, when your pants are falling down, you kinda can’t help but freak a bit, y’know?

But in retrospect…that’s a solid nsv right there, since these sweats didn’t previously have this problem. That offending waistband used to stay put, without necessitating hitching up. I’m not sure exactly where the pants misbehaved, as the tape measure professes no major differences below the belt since July. But, I’ll take it, and gladly so.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KJDINSC 1/31/2013 9:13AM

    Partha, you crack me up!

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1CRAZYDOG 1/29/2013 8:55PM

  emoticon

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JR0124 1/29/2013 8:15AM

    I have accidentally flashed my neighbors carrying in groceries once but my hands were full and I couldn't stop so I just hopped in the door. Then I collapsed in giggles....

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NEW-CAZ 1/29/2013 3:02AM

    ROFLMREO
Brilliant post. Gonna share this one!

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BLONDE2B 1/28/2013 10:51PM

    Love it! What a great NSV and what a great story! Are you sure you shouldn't be applying for jobs in writing?

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PRIZM96 1/28/2013 9:29PM

    emoticon Pants on the ground! Pants on the ground! Lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground! emoticon

Except you're no fool in my book! What an awesome NSV! Great job!

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MARYJEANSL 1/28/2013 9:26PM

  Chuckle! I had a skirt do that once - at church. I walked around with one hand clutching the waistband to keep it on, in particular since it was a tad long, and I was at constant risk of stepping on the hem, which would have...well you get the picture.

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2LABS2LOVE 1/28/2013 9:22PM

    emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/28/2013 9:22:32 PM

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KING_SLAYER 1/28/2013 9:16PM

    You should have just let them go and kept wandering like you had no idea your pants were on the floor. If someone pointed it out to you, you could have just said "they do this sometimes", and kept on shopping! Grats on the pants falling down, has to be a good sign!

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CURTIOSITY 1/28/2013 9:14PM

    Ha! Thanks for the Wayback trip to UNC philosophy 101 as well as for the straight skinny on you trip to Krogers.

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STILLWATERSSB 1/28/2013 9:11PM

    LOL That was great! That happened to my stepdad once when he had lost weight. His pants fell down around his ankles in the midst of the grocery store and I had to pretend I wasn't with him!

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JULESJET 1/28/2013 9:04PM

    Haha! That is an absolute NSV for you!
And a very funny story, too!

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KANDOLAKER 1/28/2013 9:03PM

    LOL - great blog. Thanks for sharing. Needed a chuckle tonight. Here's to many more NSV for you!!

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ANDY_54 1/28/2013 8:10PM

    LOL--How's that song go? Pants on the floor! Pants on the floor! (obscure American Idol reference). emoticon

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KMM1123 1/28/2013 7:38PM

    Bwahahahahahaha! Thanks so much for sharing!

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SEXBOBOMB 1/28/2013 6:17PM

    LOL -- pants down on Aisle 7!
emoticon
Congrats on your svelter self!

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KRISTA-GIRL 1/28/2013 5:58PM

    AWESOME blog and AWESOME nsv!! Way to go. :-)

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LEXIE63 1/28/2013 5:43PM

    Oh boy! I'm in danger of that with my jeans. LOLOL
And of course it counts as a nsv!
How could it not?

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MISTY_MOUNTAINS 1/28/2013 4:24PM

    This is the most delightfully hilarious thing I've read all day!! Thanks for sharing your misfortune... haha. It's a painful thing to let the old comfy sweats go, but now I think it might be imperative.
emoticon

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EJRANVILLE 1/28/2013 4:23PM

    Where do you shop? Just want to be on the lookout ;)

Hey, NSVs are the best.

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EMMAEKAY 1/28/2013 4:15PM

    Oh man, that is probably the greatest NSV in the history of Spark. I thought my pantsadventure was hysterical, but this was excellent. I can totally imagine you furtively looking around, trying to hitch up your pants.

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DONNATINWV 1/28/2013 4:10PM

    You are a funny guy!! I haven't laughed this hard in a while! Thanks, I needed this.


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LAURAAT 1/28/2013 4:02PM

    Oh, how you made me laugh! I love your blog...and what an awesome, aweosme NSV!!! Sorry to see those old sweats go, all broken in and comfy to perfection. But at the same time, what a good feeling to be able to pick out a new, smaller pair! emoticon

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ROBERTSONHLA 1/28/2013 3:53PM

  emoticon I am laughing with you, I promise!

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WHOVIANGIRL23 1/28/2013 3:52PM

    Laughed so hard I actually started coughing.

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