Monday, January 28, 2013
I could start this whole blog post off by confessing that I haven't been doing what I said I could be on my last blog post. I certainly would not be lying in the slightest! lol
But I'm not going to travel down that road at the moment. What I am going to say is that I got up and worked out this morning!!!! I'm very proud of myself for that. I kind of did a little on-my-own combination thingie...I did some upper body shadow boxing to get warmed up and raise the heart rate and then I grabbed the dumbbells and went to town on my upper body. I won't lie - it was HARD. It's amazing to me how much my fitness and endurance levels have decreased already after slacking for several weeks now.
The other thing I did today - I tracked my food (so far) for the day. I'm going to keep tracking EXACTLY what I eat. Like the extra cup of coffee I had but didn't need. Tracked it! I may not stay in my levels today, but I'm going to track it and see where I end up.
I had plans to go to my son's house down in LA this weekend, but we didn't end up going because I was truly in pain from my knee. Sleeping through the night isn't happening because I'm so uncomfortable...so when I do shift position I'm reminded why I'm uncomfortable and it's a vicious little circle that is keeping me from getting a solid night's rest. So that leaves me tired during the day and when I'm tired my willpower goes out the window. So I'm really working on fighting that battle this week. Being tired and in pain should not equal eating whatever I want. I need to remember that...because as I said before - losing some of this extra weight will only HELP with the knee recovery. Pounding that in my head!!! :-)
I am also holding on to the fact that I see the Ortho this week. Just a couple more days and hopefully I'll have some direction, even if I don't have all the answers just yet. You know it's funny (yeah, not really funny-ha-ha...but funny-not really) because when I first scheduled the appointment with the Ortho and it was still two plus weeks out, I was sure that what was going to happen was that the knee would improve, well, at least not be ridiculously swollen, and they would look at me like I was crazy...well, I don't think I have to worry about that anymore because I swear for all I do to help it, it just continues to get worse. I seriously do not understand it at all. This weekend I did close to nothing except rest and elevate my leg. By Sunday night it was still super swollen and is now painful to the touch when before it was only painful on the inside (like in the joint) during specific motions like bending my leg. It's just weird, I tell ya! Well, hopefully I'll get some direction, right? Holding onto that for dear life...
But let me tell you, one of the things about being in constant pain is that it really does wear you down...not just physically, but mentally. It's hard. I truly feel for people that have chronic pain. You get to the point where you don't want to do anything because doing it will hurt. For me, it's going up or down the stairs. Just thinking about it sends a shudder down my spine. I have to work myself up to it...and that just makes me feel silly. But someday it won't be a problem anymore because I AM GOING TO GET BETTER!! I refuse to believe anything other than that. I WILL run again. I WILL hike again. I WILL be able to be active again. No doubt about it...
So even though these things are beating me down, I'm still working on triumphing over them! That's one thing that I will not give away. :-)