Sorry I've been kind of absent and silent lately. I have been reading all your lovely comments, blogs, and status updates I just haven't had much computer time (or at least, free time + computer access) lately. VERY BUSY WORK WEEK. Don't wanna talk about it!!
It ended well, so that's good, but it was VERY stressful. I did a wee bit of stress eating on Thursday, but I was Very Good on Friday. This weekend I suffered from poor planning again, but it wasn't all that bad. Could have been worse.
I did NOT get my swimming in on Friday or Saturday, but I made up a lot of it Sunday and today! (I don't normally swim Monday morning.) So I'm on track again, but that exercise will get counted in with this week instead of last week, and last week looks so pitiful and sad. Poor last week...
I'm doing okay bringing my average calories eaten down, but I think it needs to come down a little more. Again, poor planning here and there so I've had a few higher calorie days. I'm going to put some good work into cooking and prepping this week and finish out the month strong.
Other news of the good variety! I went shopping this weekend. I have a pair of correctly-sized work pants! Hooray! I also got some new cute tops to replace some of my baggy stuff, for days I don't have to be in uniform and can wear something cute. Such as today!
OMG, I just realized I missed a golden opportunity, though. The "in" stuff right now is pretty hideous. I got a couple of cute things, but the clown prints and ugly colors are in full force. I should have taken photos for a "WHAT THE HECK, PLUS SIZE CLOTHING MAKERS????" photo blog! When I go back to get tee shirts I'll get some photos. I did sing circus music as I was shopping. As you do.
Anyway. Today I am wearing a 99% new outfit! (Existing underwear, socks, and shoes, but new everything else including bra!)
Speaking of which, let me tell you stories about bra shopping. Just because. ***BOOB TMI ALERT!!!!***
Since I can't remember how long, probably since like 2007, I've been wearing a 42H from Lane Bryant. The H cup in no way fits me, but it's the biggest cup size they make and it works "okay." It's not horribly uncomfortable, nor is it obviously too small with clothes on, so I make do. I am clearly down at least one band size; when I ordered my new swim bra I measured myself at 39, so I got a 38, and it's snug but fits.
So I went to LB, obviously, because I'm still in their sizes, and it's just easier, and I have a lot of gift cards from Christmas. I was looking for basically the exact same bra I have now just down a band size or two. Mine are getting ridiculous. The lovely woman asked if she could help me and I muttered something about looking for a certain size, but not knowing what size I am now. She offered to measure me.
She measured me and announced that I'm a 40 DD.
Oh, lady. Oh. You do not even know.
I said, there's NO WAY I'm a DD. I started out bigger than H and I haven't gone down THAT much. She was like "well, try the DDD and we'll see." I said "Okay. You are coming with me so we can have show and tell and then hysterical laughter together." You know, let me just DEMONSTRATE how wrong you are, as it is far faster than arguing.
You guys? It was bad. Obviously this is not something I would ever take photos of and post on the internet, but picture like... you know "muffin top" with pants? Like that, only with boobs, and all the way around the top of the cup, and spilling out the side under the arm, and EVERYTHING. Yeah. BAD. So I was like "TOLD YA SO LADY."
My other favorite moment was when I showed her a different bra in a 38H and she was like "You can't do that. You can't go from DDD to H, at least try the G" so we had Show And Tell about how No Really, I Have Been Off Any And All Existing Cup Size Charts For Many Years, I Promise, AGAIN, some more. It wasn't as bad as the DDD, it was just what I like to call The Pop 'n' Fresh, like the pillsbury commercials with the dough puffing up. Where you get that cute little mini boob just above where the cup ends and is cutting into you because it's too small? Looks like 4 boobs, 2 big and 2 tiny ones on top of them (I also call it Quadriboob for this reason, which is different from sportsbra-induced Uniboob which is altogether more horrible). hah. TOLD YA, NOT 40G, NEXT.
Anyway, guess what size they had absolutely zero of anywhere in the store? 40H. I am impatient and cranky with bra shopping so I bought the 38Hs anyway. I figure I'm still losing, I'll be a 38 soon enough. I'll be an H or below in about 10 years when I have breast reduction surgery but that's a separate issue.
Do you know how you can tell if your bras are way too big? Go try on some bras that fit. Then when you put your own bra back on to go look at pants, you will be like "WHOA, OMG." Yeah. My 42s are RIDICULOUS. Which is sad because I have about 900 of them, built up stash over the last couple of years, and they were like $90 each. Oh well. It's a good thing to be smaller.
So that was fun. We also had a fun moment when she had me try on some other style of bra, and it made The Girls very... Up? And very to the middle? I can't describe it, but it made my body a completely different shape, in a bad way. I said to her "I know I'm probably not going to go to work and have my coworkers say 'HEY, are your boobs in a totally different place than they were last week??' but still. I just can't."
She was highly amused by me. It was a slow night at Lane Bryant, so I was kind of all the entertainment that was on offer. I put on a whole comedy show, mostly with bras, later with pants and other things.
*BOOB TMI OVER*
Next I tried on their, used to be called "houston" or whatever pant, they have some other code name for it amongst the staff. They call the fabric "The PR" or something like that. The important thing to know is it's like wearing pants made out of Kleenex. Want to know how to feel like you haven't lost any weight and are the fattest most cellulite-y person on the face of the earth? Go try on those pants. Bring a barf bag. You're welcome.
They're the ones that are mostly polyester with some rayon and spandex and no nylon, and the ones I like are mostly rayon with some nylon and a little spandex. I don't even know, it's a whole big thing. They have ten billion colors and styles of the horrible kleenex ones, and ONLY one style ONLY black of the good ones, which is even more incentive for me to lose weight and get out of plus sizes so I can shop someplace that makes pants out of things other than kleenex, because the only way I am ever wearing those other pants is if someone puts them on my dead body for the funeral, which BY THE WAY DO NOT DO THAT, I will come back and haunt you INSIDIOUS STYLE, minus the cheesy puppet ending. Just the scary crackly tree arm guy part. FOREVER.
So yeah. I found a pair in the fabric I like ("the RS" or whatever...) I currently have 4 pairs of those in 22. There was ONE 18, so I got them. Wearing them today. EEEE!!! Just like with bras, nothing highlights how ridiculously goofily oversize your old clothes are like putting on some clothes that fit. Yeah.
It's funny, I'd avoided buying new pants for a while, because I kind of like the huge ones. It's a tangible reminder of how far I've come, when I put them on and go "wow, these used to fit!" But it turns out pants that ACTUALLY fit make me feel even better. Jeans are so forgiving, it's not the same. You can squeeze into jeans that are a little small and look pretty good, but slacks are thinner fabric. You will look gross if they're a size too small. So yeah, fitting into 18 slacks for real was pretty exciting.
SPEAKING OF JEANS. Guess what ELSE I tried on!
Back in December I bought my 1 pair of 18 jeans. I could get them on, but they were TIGHT. Too uncomfortable to wear all day, or anywhere I'd be sitting down for more than 10 minutes. They've been comfy for a while now, and lately even seem a little loose in the waist. I assumed they were just stretching out, because they're my only pair so I wear them a LOT.
So I decided to try on the same exact jeans in a 16. I just wanted to see if I could get them over my thighs and hips, figuring I wouldn't be able to button them yet.
They button. AND ZIP.
They're SKIN tight, so I wouldn't wear them in public yet, and they'd be tight and pinch to sit in, but I'll be in them SOON! Maybe as soon as 2 weeks, if they already button and zip!
WOOOO FREAKING HOOOO YOU GUYS.
So that was super exciting and fun. Everything was on sale (DOUBLE WOO!) so I went ahead and bought them. They're hanging in the closet waiting for the day they fit for REAL.
So that was clothes shopping.
In other news, I'm in the plateau portion of my month again. Bouncing between 252 and 254 so far. I wouldn't be surprised if I see 255 at some point in the next 2 weeks. And you know what? I am not bothered.
257, that bothered me. Because bouncing up a few pounds put me back at 259 or 260. That's a number that bothers me.
I started Weight Watchers on January 24, 2009 at 290 pounds. I first got down to 260 sometime in June 2009. Then I went off the rails for a while, serious stress & family illness. The chart goes up and down and up and down, but I eventually reached 258.3 pounds sometime in May of 2010.
After that I gained right through October. Started down again for a few weeks, then stopped tracking and gained. Including that gain through October 2010, there are FIVE spikes like that up until June of 2012 when I started Spark People. Each time I stopped tracking and gained, I gained to a little higher of a weight, and each time I lost I never managed to lose what I'd gained, until I was up to 300 pounds. I NEVER got back to 260, or close to it, after reaching 258.3. Even before that, I got down to 260 a couple of times (including the first time I got there, I hit it ~5 times) but I could never get significantly below it.
So that's my curse point. It's like, the opposite of a glass ceiling. A glass floor. Scary - what if I couldn't EVER get below it???
Those couple of weeks I spent bouncing between 257, 258, 259, 260 were hell. AWFUL.
But now? I really could not care at all if I'm 252 or 255. Whatever! I'm down, and I'm headed down. The number makes no difference.
I think it's important I acknowledge this. Some numbers are more meaningful than others, and if I "stick" at a scary one, I'm going to have to be even more careful to stay motivated and not get thrown off track. I'll be on the lookout for more of those coming up... I'm guessing 230 will be one, maybe 210, and definitely 200.
So this is where my brain is at lately. It's going well, things are moving along. CrazyAwfulStressWeek is over. I'll be busy the next few weeks, but it's much better. A huge stressful project I have been worrying about got some real momentum and I feel much better.
I leave for vacation in Florida in 12 days! EXCITED! I'm going with a friend who grew up there. It's going to be low key, just doing Fun Stuff around her hometown. I also can't wait to see how the airline seat/seatbelt situation is going. (You may or may not know that I have A Thing (obsession) about the airplane seatbelt.) I'll dig out my seatbelt photo from October and post a comparison when I get back.
AND FINALLY AFTER ALL THIS BLABBING, here is my mileage!
The red arrow is where I am as of this morning's swim: 515 laps, 9.6 miles. I will hit the halfway point sometime this week!
The grey arrow is where I plan to be as of Saturday - at least another 160 laps, for 675 laps, 12.5 miles, 2 miles past the halfway point.
I'm on track to be a little ahead of the game before vacation, leaving me just about 5 miles to do in the 12 days I will have left post-Florida.
FUN TIMES! I already have my challenge for March picked out, and possibly one for April.