Monday, January 28, 2013
Okay.. I'm back again. I kind of gave up on last week, between the bad stuff that happened and PMS I pretty much was eating my weight in food every day, and guzzling soda like it was crack (seriously, is there crack in Dr. Pepper?) and I pretty much did the whole "Screw it I'll start new next week" thing. So yea. Now I'm sitting here drinking a cup of coffee and eating my Fiber One 80 calorie cereal... the chocolate kind of course. It's actually pretty tasty I must say. So were the Girl Scout cookies that I ate last night...Either way, eating so bad all week has made me very sluggish and tired.
I managed to hurt my back somehow on Friday, so I'm not actually sure if I will be able to work out or not today. I'll probably try, or I'll just focus on getting my eating back under control and then worry about adding in the exercise in the middle of the week. I don't know. All I know is I feel icky and bloaty and icky. My hands are swollen from sooooo much salt over the week. And my back hurts. So health wise, I feel like this week is starting out kinda eh, but that's my own fault. I just need to focus, get back on track, and I'll be fine.
I just wish that I would stop comparing myself to my 184 pound self. I feel so whale like now, and I felt so tiny when I was 184 (even though I wasn't) and I keep beating myself up over it, over gaining all this weight again when I had worked so hard to take it off in the first place. When I'm working out, I look down and see all the jiggles and yucky, and instead of feeling proud because I AM working out to get rid of it, I'm just disgusted with myself. And I need to figure out how to stop doing that. But I can't figure out how. I'm stuck, or at least I feel like it. Stuck in negativity. I don't like being stuck.
So I guess this week I have to focus on getting back into a good attitude/space. Usually I start feeling better after the first 1-2 days of eating right again, so hopefully by midweek I'll feel like myself again.
I hope everyone had a good weekend, and will have a good week.