Monday, January 28, 2013
Yep, disappear over the weekend again. Iím not certain what is up with me. Iím just not getting to do much of anything lately. Not sick or hurt, yeah the cold sucks but . . . I just donít want to DO anything. I know, personal problem Ė I just need to push past, like it or not.
Diet has been good until dinner. Then the hubbyís influence kicks in and I end up with 1,000 calories!! I keep telling him this doesnít work for me but he just wonít stop. I know I canít blame him. I could say NO to the pizza or the subway or the Chinese food but that causes 2 problems. First, I feel so wasteful if I refuse to eat it. Iím throwing money and perfectly good food out just cause I donít want to eat it. Second, my dogs have nothing on the sad face look my hubby gets when I ďwonít eatĒ. If I hear about ďmalnutritionĒ one more time Iím going to SCREAM.
See he was very supportive in the beginning, and still can be at times. But all he wants to do is watch TV and eat. Thatís how I got to be knocking on the door of 200 lbs. I CANíT go back there. Itís just so easy to sink into the bad habits with him. The problem is, for 6 days with being sick we sat and watched TV and didnít move. He enjoyed this. That was how our lives were and now that Iím ďdone dietingĒ he wants things to go back to the way they were. I just donít know what to do.
Iíve also lost the majority of my ďfriendsĒ do to my stand about not being taken advantage of. I decided a while back that Iím not doing for others who donít offer me anything in return. I will not be guilt-ed or forced into taking care of people. Iím tired of spending my time and money on others and not even getting a thank you. So most of my ďfriendsĒ no longer talk to me or better yet, talk BAD about me. Really says something for my ability to read people, hun. Not that any of those people probably would have cared, heck I could rarely get them to listen to me Ė but boy was I supposed to solve their problems. I just donít feel like Iíve got anyone with me. Alone in the life boat.
Iím starting to feel stuck and drained. I think Iím getting a mild depression on. I want to spend time with hubby but I want to exercise. I want to go out to eat but I need to watch me calorie intake. I donít want food brought home for me every time someone goes out. Candy and merlot are not what I need. I want to curl up in the corner and be left alone, but thatís not healthy either.
Iím not looking for sympathy or for anyone to solve this. I just needed to vent. Thanks.