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    LOREN009   56,871
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Back to the Future Blog (BLC)

Sunday, January 27, 2013

First question: Forgive yourself for one thing in the pastÖ

Response: I donít believe in regret, so I donít have any sad stories about dying relatives or not taking chances. However, I can think of thousands of times Iíve screwed up, and those times remain on the forefront of my memory bank. Whenever I have a moment of doubt about my abilities, I pull one or two or a hundred of these screw-up memories out of the vault and use them to prove that Iím not capable, not worthy, or just not good enough. To torment myself.

So to this end, I will list as many as I can easily recall, and put them behind me for good.
1. I forgot to pick up the rental car for my work trip today, so Iíll be late tomorrow.
2. I did not respond quickly to the emails I got this weekend.
3. I ate two of Mattís candies.
4. I took too long to pick out new make-up in the store today.
5. I was awkward in my bossís office Friday.
6. I micromanaged one of my committee members at work
7. I have lost and gained the same few pounds over and over. Gained Ė ugh
8. I snapped at DH this morning.
9. I did not respond to one of my friendís emails looking to make plans for next month
10. I took a long time to respond to one of the request to be a presenter for a college alumni event.
11. I did not do any work on my attic renovation project.
12. I did not respond to one of my Sparkfriendsí post on my blog.
13. I have not yet followed up on one of my doctorís recommendations.
14. I have overeaten often.
15. I have overspent my discretionary budget for a few months in a row.
16. I did not clear out my work inbox this weekend like I planned.
17. I wander and talk too much at work.
18. I was not very productive at work on Friday.
19. I forgot to email my old boss for his birthday.
20. I sent a note to my old boss a month ago that was not as nice as it should have been.
21. I worry about the future too much.
22. I complain too much.
23. I do not spend enough quality time with DH.
24. I have not sewn his pants like I promised.
25. I doubt myself too much.

And for these things, I forgive myself. I do the best I can with each moment and will continue to get better as life allows.


Question 2: How will your life change when you reach your fitness/weight goal?

Response: I should start by forgiving myself for feeling guilty about not having a more concrete vision, because I donít, even though I know that having a vision makes it more likely. I have done this exercise a few times before, so I will use it as a reference to copy and on which to meditate here:

I want to move towards being slim, fit, and healthy. I want to move towards feeling good in my body. I want to move towards having looseness in my clothes. I want to move towards excitement for shopping. I want to move towards better posture. I want to move towards becoming a true runner, with a runner's body. I want to move towards a healthy relationship with food. I want to move towards a focus on life and accomplishment.

I want to move towards peace with food. I want to move towards peace in my body. I want to move towards confidence. I want to move towards inner happiness and pride in myself. I want to move towards a feeling of power and hope.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEEHOLZ 2/2/2013 11:40AM

    Your list reminds me so much of myself- all those thoughts go through my head too- all the time! (well, my own version)
I've been taking a bunch of e-learning classes through my work about communication with confidence, achieving results without authority etc and it's been really helping with my confidence issues at work. I also have been focusing on improving my technical skills, which also helps me feel more confident when it comes to discussing technical issues and being confident. It's definitely a work in progress, but I think those types of things are really helpful! Do they have any of those types of recourses available at your job? if not, it might be worth it bying a little book- as a guide. I didn't think it would be as helpful as it has been.

As for how your life will change? I can relate to your response in many ways too--- but I also think that trying to picture your improved life- where you are all those things- fit, strong, in control of your eating etc- can give you the edge in getting to where you want to go--- again, I'm a work in process, but I'm trying to do more "visualizing" myself.

Sounds like overall you are doing these BL challenges, which are keeping you motivated--- NICE!

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MYTHMYTH 1/28/2013 4:50PM

    I like your comment about being a peace with food. It would be great to reach that point, wouldn't it?
Good luck!!
Jane

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LE7_1234 1/28/2013 2:08PM

    I agree about the list of screw-ups--really, nothing that major. OTOH, I understand how you can have these thoughts and somehow "forget" to release them as quickly as they come. Then they just kinda pile up... Did it help just writing out the list and forgiving yourself? If not, maybe a round or two of EFT?

"Response: I should start by forgiving myself for feeling guilty about not having a more concrete vision, because I donít, even though I know that having a vision makes it more likely."

You know, to me the thing that's missing here is a way to tie the first question and the second together. IF the future you is able to forgive yourself for all that other stuff--every time it comes up, every time you're less than perfect--I bet it will be easier to get all the other stuff.


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MISSUSRIVERRAT 1/28/2013 7:21AM

    Just an observation and comment about your list of "screw-up" memories.... it seems to me that you are very strict with yourself.
Of the things that you list, only #14, 15, 21,22 & 25 show things that are of major magnitude in that they are repetitive and may affect the whole rest of your life's functioning. Even then, they are not really screw-ups but could be reframed/redefined as symptoms that you have something going on in your thoughts/feelings that needs to be understood.

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KACEYSW 1/27/2013 8:34PM

    You can do this! And you are worth it!

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