Sunday, January 27, 2013
First question: Forgive yourself for one thing in the pastÖ
Response: I donít believe in regret, so I donít have any sad stories about dying relatives or not taking chances. However, I can think of thousands of times Iíve screwed up, and those times remain on the forefront of my memory bank. Whenever I have a moment of doubt about my abilities, I pull one or two or a hundred of these screw-up memories out of the vault and use them to prove that Iím not capable, not worthy, or just not good enough. To torment myself.
So to this end, I will list as many as I can easily recall, and put them behind me for good.
1. I forgot to pick up the rental car for my work trip today, so Iíll be late tomorrow.
2. I did not respond quickly to the emails I got this weekend.
3. I ate two of Mattís candies.
4. I took too long to pick out new make-up in the store today.
5. I was awkward in my bossís office Friday.
6. I micromanaged one of my committee members at work
7. I have lost and gained the same few pounds over and over. Gained Ė ugh
8. I snapped at DH this morning.
9. I did not respond to one of my friendís emails looking to make plans for next month
10. I took a long time to respond to one of the request to be a presenter for a college alumni event.
11. I did not do any work on my attic renovation project.
12. I did not respond to one of my Sparkfriendsí post on my blog.
13. I have not yet followed up on one of my doctorís recommendations.
14. I have overeaten often.
15. I have overspent my discretionary budget for a few months in a row.
16. I did not clear out my work inbox this weekend like I planned.
17. I wander and talk too much at work.
18. I was not very productive at work on Friday.
19. I forgot to email my old boss for his birthday.
20. I sent a note to my old boss a month ago that was not as nice as it should have been.
21. I worry about the future too much.
22. I complain too much.
23. I do not spend enough quality time with DH.
24. I have not sewn his pants like I promised.
25. I doubt myself too much.
And for these things, I forgive myself. I do the best I can with each moment and will continue to get better as life allows.
Question 2: How will your life change when you reach your fitness/weight goal?
Response: I should start by forgiving myself for feeling guilty about not having a more concrete vision, because I donít, even though I know that having a vision makes it more likely. I have done this exercise a few times before, so I will use it as a reference to copy and on which to meditate here:
I want to move towards being slim, fit, and healthy. I want to move towards feeling good in my body. I want to move towards having looseness in my clothes. I want to move towards excitement for shopping. I want to move towards better posture. I want to move towards becoming a true runner, with a runner's body. I want to move towards a healthy relationship with food. I want to move towards a focus on life and accomplishment.
I want to move towards peace with food. I want to move towards peace in my body. I want to move towards confidence. I want to move towards inner happiness and pride in myself. I want to move towards a feeling of power and hope.