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Don't bother reading this, just needed to vent

Sunday, January 27, 2013

I feel like crap. I feel like a worthless human being. I feel like a waste of oxygen, with no benefit to this world. And all because I can't manage what I eat.

I know I'm not a waste just because I'm fat. I mean, for goodness sake that's probably the most absurd thing ever. I hate it when people are pitiful for no reason, like I'm being now. Total chorus of "Nobody likes me, everybody hatese me" going through my head. I'm no good company. I want to go home from Aaron's just because I don't want to be around anyone right now and have it rub off on them. I want to stuff my face with potato chips and ranch dip. I want to tear my fat off by the handful. I want to never eat again. I want to go throw up everything I HAVE eaten. I want to go sleep for a thousand years, or be in an all white room with nothing in it and feel clean. I feel dirty carrying all this extra weight. I want to go run ten miles but know if I do I'll be a gasping, staggering mess. I want to clean my house from top to bottom, have everything ordered in place so I feel like I've got some sort of power over my life.

Obviously I'm depressed today. I don't know why. Probably because I'm not getting the nutition I need because I'm eating crap.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Here is a hug for you! I hope you will feel better soon. emoticon
    1722 days ago
    Well, Sad Sack, I guess that some folks did actually "bother" to read your blog!

    Sparkpeople have been through the "crap" and we can tell you that better days are ahead---but it takes the resolve to change our habits! The problems did not happen overnight, and the cure won't happen overnight---BUT you will find support and compassion here, really!!! I want you to reach your "happy place" and discover that life is worthwhile. The tips here are from very caring people, if you want to vent and scream, we'll listen... and care... but you have to take action for yourself.
    And, yes indeed, I need to heed my own words here.... Good luck to us!
    1723 days ago
    Whether it's actual depression, just a bad day, or you're PMSing, exercise will probably help. Just do it.
    1724 days ago
  • ADZY86
    Ah I have been here SO many times! emoticon One day I can feel on top of the world and excited about my progress, the very next day I can feel so down, depressed and like I am fatter than ever! I've never understood why that happens!

    You've done the right thing, blogging about it. I know now that when I'm feeling down, I need to just ride it out, because the next day WILL be better. Let your feelings out, and then when you're feeling better you can look back and try and think of what triggered such a low feeling. I know for me that it can sometimes happen when I've eaten badly, or when I'm bored. Of course, sometimes there is no reason at all.

    We're all here for you. Keep reaching out to Spark and you'll get as much encouragement as you need emoticon
    1724 days ago
    I'm 55 and for the life of me I still can't tell you why one day I feel so great and competent and the next day I can't do anything right.

    1724 days ago
  • JO88BAKO
    Totally understand where you are coming from. You are worth it. You can do it. You will do it. Get a good nights sleep. That is very important. In the morning, tell yourself I am worth it. I can do it. I will do it. Say that several times. Baby steps. Try making a good choice. One good choice at a time. It can get better. It will get better. You are worth it. You can do it. You will do it. This is what I tell myself many times a day to keep on track. Be sure and drink plenty of water. emoticon
    1724 days ago
    I agree with everything Reyningsunshine says. Bad days are f**king horrible and we want to scream and cry and just have the emotional breakdown we need to have. Grab a pillow and go hide somewhere and just scream into it for all you can and then scream some more. I think we all view life as unfair and we all view what we've done to ourselves as freaking unfair and wish we could go back in time. So vent as much as you want but know we are all here for you and we completely understand 100% how you feel. emoticon
    1724 days ago
    Been there. This sounds stupid but if you want, try this: Take a moment and just smile. Or laugh. Whenever we smile the action sends chemicals to our brains that make us feel happier! Weird, right? As for feeling clean a good bath may just "cleanse the euphemism." Best of luck! These things are hard but we push through them.
    1724 days ago
    Guess I'll go eat worms...


    Some days just suck. I'm not sure why, but they do. It happens to me, too. Next time you feel like this, DO go out and run, or DO go and clean the house- but don't punish yourself. Put the frustration into some kind of good use. I once was so upset I biked for three hours straight while crying... but hey, I felt a lot better after even though the problems weren't solved. I guess it just makes you feel like the problems CAN be solved instead of being hopeless.

    Remember you are loved and wonderful- everybody on Spark would agree with that ;)
    1724 days ago
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