Sunday, January 27, 2013
I feel like crap. I feel like a worthless human being. I feel like a waste of oxygen, with no benefit to this world. And all because I can't manage what I eat.
I know I'm not a waste just because I'm fat. I mean, for goodness sake that's probably the most absurd thing ever. I hate it when people are pitiful for no reason, like I'm being now. Total chorus of "Nobody likes me, everybody hatese me" going through my head. I'm no good company. I want to go home from Aaron's just because I don't want to be around anyone right now and have it rub off on them. I want to stuff my face with potato chips and ranch dip. I want to tear my fat off by the handful. I want to never eat again. I want to go throw up everything I HAVE eaten. I want to go sleep for a thousand years, or be in an all white room with nothing in it and feel clean. I feel dirty carrying all this extra weight. I want to go run ten miles but know if I do I'll be a gasping, staggering mess. I want to clean my house from top to bottom, have everything ordered in place so I feel like I've got some sort of power over my life.
Obviously I'm depressed today. I don't know why. Probably because I'm not getting the nutition I need because I'm eating crap.