Good Afternoon Spark Friends!
We have had a very relaxing weekend. In 1991 I had my very first panic attack. By 2004, it became difficult to even leave the house to go to work. I did the things I had to do such as go to work but my world was quickly becoming smaller and smaller. This was the catalyst that moved me into therapy for an abusive childhood. I had never tried therapy before and it opened my eyes about a lot of things and really helped me with the anxiety disorder. I have chosen not to take medication for it and I'm aware that I no longer have anxiety most of the time. I still struggle somewhat with a travel phobia outside my comfort zone but was able to take a trip this past summer to a place 100 miles away. I even enjoyed most of the trip! When in the midst of a panic attack, I am stuck in the past or I am way out in the future. I am definitely not living in the moment.
The weather yesterday was gorgeous. As my hubby and I played outside with our 14 year old puppy dog, it reminded me of when we used to take him to doggie day care for play dates. They have play equipment for the dogs. The romp and play and pee all over the place. Between 11 and 1, they have "siesta" time. They get a snack, the lights are dimmed and classical music is played during siesta time. He absolutely loved it and we took him there because we love him. Due to a knee surgery 5 years ago, he no longer goes and appears to be content to run and play here with us.
Anyway, this got me to thinking about how much he lives in the moment. He eats when he is hungry. He drinks when he is thirsty. He pees when he has to pee. He plays when he is playful. He rests when he is tired. The thing he does the best is to give love and joy to whomever he comes in contact with. Well, with the exception of the cat across the road or the squirrels that sometimes wanders into our yard. He loves to bark and chase them.
As I think about my panic attacks and how our puppy plays, I am aware of how he lives in the moment and how I don't live in the moment during a panic attack. During an attack I am worried about "what if" and he simply enjoys "what is".
As I reflect on that, I realize that my hubby and I are kind of like our puppy dogs Higher Power. He knows we will take care of him. He knows we have always made sure he's fed and taken care of. I know he feels our love. We are his source for everything. I know my hubby and I would do anything to make sure he is protected and taken care of because we love him so much.
With that thought in mind, how much more must my Higher Power (God) love me? God loves me so much that he wants to make sure I am protected and taken care of. God is my source. Sometimes I forget and try to make "me" my source. That's what happens during a panic attack.
This week, I will work on living more in the moment. Most days and moments I do that well and I will learn from my puppy dog today. I will eat when I am hungry. I will drink when I am thirsty. I will pee when I need to. (Okay, I already do that one well).
The only thing different I will do from my puppy is to drink from a glass instead of the toilet bowl.
I hope you all have a great "living in the moment" kind of week! Linda