I just realized that I'm not talking much about food or diet or exercise.
I guess my mind just isn't really 'there'. Although I have checked my tracking and I have been within my range every day. I will say that yesterday's food choices were not as high quality as I might have preferred - not enough fruit and veg. Exercise was only a few weights and cleaning house. Still, I'm feeling good.
I've been truly pondering the 'whether or not' of graduate school. My goal has been, for a very long time, to become a licensed counselor. Something really nudged me last week - ok shoved me like a boot to the backside - to make some progress on this decision. After a lot of consideration, and really looking hard at finances, I think I will have to go to a state university, rather than a private school. The trick here will be getting admitted as all programs in California are strained and impacted at this time, but I will apply.
I try to look for the serendipity in life before I make my decisions. I used to always just use my mind, my head, to rationally make a choice. Truthfully, by putting my heart aside I often made choices that looked great on paper, but which made me personally miserable. So with my heart engaged, I looked for some confirmations. Besides the fact that people who know me often come to me for a shoulder to cry on or ear to hear, perfect strangers and people I barely know do the same. I joke that I can walk into a bank or grocery store and by the time the clerk checks me out they will probably have told me all about their day, if not their entire life story - it's true! Friday I went to my dentist, because I had a chipped tooth. Before he even began to work on me, with his mask dangling around his neck, he proceeded to tell me all about his daughter's recent automobile accident and how he madly rearranged his vacation in Cabo (he had been there 1 day) to get to her side. He then spilled the beans on his confusion and worry about getting back into the dating scene now that he is a widower and how it has been going thus far including who has dated and why and wondering how to 'not hurt anyone's feelings' as he goes along. Seriously, he told me the most private details all in a span of 15 minutes, with his dental instruments poised in hand. When he was done, he looked really stunned that he had even mentioned it. In my head, I just chuckled. Yup... I just do that to people. It felt like a nod to my ambitions.
I can't start a program until fall, 2014 (the deadlines are insanely early to apply). Until then, I have to generate some income and I have gone back and forth as to how to do that. That was the other thing that occupied my mind and put tension in my shoulders all week. I am checking into becoming a licensed clinical hypnotherapist, simply because it has been so beneficial for me . I've looked at three schools that are within a commuting distance that are accredited, have well-educated staff and proper supervision. I'm also looking at a coaching in core strengths certificate program from the University of San Francisco. My goal is to start sooner, rather than later, in the 'helping' profession and to be able to work out of my house and around my grad school schedule.
It is a bit frightening and daunting because I don't want to make a mistake - in choosing training or grad school or starting to work on my own. We are financially precarious, and I don't have much savings left. Still, I am trying to balance my head and my heart in this matter.
And.... at the same time I am working on ME .. my fitness and my nutrition. I've continued the trance work and the newest thing I have noticed is an increased ability to 'slow myself down' when I need to.
Do you ever have a panicky feeling if you have let too much time go in-between meals and you find yourself suddenly very very hungry? Well I usually do. I'm not sure if it is a fear that I won't get enough to eat, fast enough, or if it is just that I am uncomfortable with that really hungry feeling, even when food is right there in the house. That feeling started to rise up in me a little yesterday, as I was on the phone with a friend who was having some real family issues. The call was so very long that I missed lunch entirely and it was well into time to start preparing dinner. I caught myself feeling really anxious, so I shut my eyes for just a second (I stopped chopping the carrot first) and paused to b-r-e-a-t-h-e. I thought of my color for the day, I recalled some of what my trance work said .... "you are in control, you make good choices..." etc. Within 10 seconds I was perfectly fine, went on with dinner and forgot all about it.
That was a total WIN.
I can't wait to see how this next week goes!