It's a Long Way Down
Saturday, January 26, 2013
I obviously didn't keep up with my food blog. It was partly because of the weird stares from coworkers when I capture my food shame on film, and partially because I was too tired to get on here at night. However, I have been in here entering my weight about once a week. I actually was losing for a little. It wasn't because of my great new outlook on life, but stress. I've had tons o drama with childcare issues, and the list goes on. When I get super stressed....I just stop eating. That was why I lost like 5 lbs, that I have already gained back. I am getting relay frustrated with this whole weight loss thing. I'm about in tears at this point, and considering the idea of bariatric surgery. I have seen several friend slim down, and become the people I always knew they were on the inside. I have also watched them have chronic health problems like ulcers. I even had one friend pass away hours after her surgery ( the part that scares me). I have two kids, and that is such a huge risk, but I also feel like I'm on a road to self destruction over my weight. I have pain everywhere in my body, I'm always tired, I can do the things I sued to even 30 lbs ago, and it's frustrating when nothing looks good on you, or you can enjoy doing things with your kids. Blah.
I have inquired about bariatric surgery in the past, I'd say about 6 years ago. I was told that once I lost 10% I would n longer be big enough. I'm fairly certain that now I would possibly qualify, and my health factors would play into it this time as well . I just feel like it's cheating, or that people would think less of me because I did it. I would love to have my old life back. Hec, I'd like to walk on my feet without pain, and not have a fat face. I'm sure if I bring it up the Dr will just try to give me advice in how to change my lifestyle. I know all this already, but it obviously hasn't worked. I just want to be the person on the outside, that I know I am on the inside. What do you think?