What does it take?
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Okay.... how many times can I fall and get back up? How often can I say, "That's it... starting tomorrow or next week I'll get back at it?" Why do I keep falling down and giving up? It's really not ALL that hard and I know the health benefits, see results, feel good, enjoy the team support and have a real sense of myself when I'm at "it". So why the giving up and self-sabotage? This January I weighed in at the very heaviest I've ever been. That's not okay with me. I want to be a good role model for my kids. I want to feel good about myself. I want to feel sexy. I want to feel energetic. I want to be healthy. I want to feel okay in whatever I'm wearing. I want to accept myself fully and completely. I want to change. So why am I not willing to work for it? Am I lazy? I've pondered this, and I'm really not. I work hard at so many things without giving up no matter what. But I think that's part of the issue. My life is so very full that there is very little me time and very little down time. Am I self-sabotaging? If so why? What am I afraid of? I don't really think I am on purpose, but could I be and not know it? I don't get it. It's not like I can't stick to things or I'm a quitter. But I am kind of all or nothing. If I didn't need to eat ANYTHING to live, like quitting smoking, I think I could totally do that... But I suck at moderation. I go to the end of the spectrum on anything I like - crafts, hobbies, books, movies, food, everything. Now if only I could learn to love the gym. :)