Saturday, January 26, 2013
I need to get this off my chest because I have been annoying the crap out of my family since 10AM and I even resorted to the internet googling stupid *DUH* type questions all to resolve my feelings about how crap-tastic my long run was this AM...
SO, weather in RI has sucked, real bad. It is bitterly cold, single digit cold with wind chill factors so bad I don't even feel entirely comfortable typing them out. As such all this week, against ALL my sincere wishes and desires AND after running a frigidly cold 3 mile run on Tuesday in which I thought I would DIE, I kept it to the treadmill until my long distance run today. Last night it snowed. However, I was determined that come h3ll or high water I was going to run outside NO.MATTER.WHAT.
SO, this morning I woke up to fresh snow on the ground which I knew was trouble but it was not as bad as it has been. Just a light covering perhaps an inch or two at most. It was freezing beyond belief as I knew it would be but 15 degrees seemed warmer than it has been all this week. SO, I knew that running around my neighborhood on sidewalks would be rather dangerous because I knew for sure I would end up slipping. Therefore I got myself out of the house by 8AM and headed to the Cranston bike track to attempt my long run.
Now I knew d@mn well before I even set foot on the bike path that obviously I would be running on snow as obviously no one plows the bike path. BUT, I figured, not a huge issue since as I mentioned this was rather a light dusting not major snow. As soon as I stepped foot out of the car with my heat blasting the wind hit me and it sucked. Of course I forgot my running gloves so for the first mile and a half my fingers were frozen solid until I warmed up.
What I hate about doing the bike path is that it is boring, just trees really and this is a route in which I have to run half the distance up and then back. On the way up it was not terrible once I got used to the wind and cold. There were some areas that were not so bad and there was only a thin layer of snow but then there were some areas under the trees that were pretty packed down with snow and footprints due to the accumulation of snow from the past snowfall. That part was hard. It took so much energy seriously to pick my legs up off the ground and keep moving. On one hand the impact to my knees and shins felt good but then my legs started to ache because of all the maneuvering I was doing. I did not feel strong at all. Then my mind started the negative thinking. I started blaming all my treadmill running on my dismal performance because I know d@mn well that treadmill running is not the same as the outside.
Anyhow, I did okay during the run up the path but on the path back I let myself get defeated. At 9.10 miles as I saw a slight hill and packed snow which I knew would be hard to push through and the wind hitting my face and my nose running, I let out a small groan and stopped. I stretched out my legs and my calves and thought *sh!t* I still have almost 2 miles to go!
The last two miles I walked and ran. I HATE that. I am not one of those people that can take a walk break at specified interval and make my workout great and feel good finishing too. Nope, soon as I walk then I start walking more and more and running less and less. At this point I felt like sh!t, I knew that I could have just hacked out that last 2 miles. Why did I stop?? I have run 5 half marathons at distances longer than 11 miles, why was I copping out now? Was I getting soft? What about my marathon in May? Was I going to make it??
So, I made it home feeling sorry for myself and telling everyone who would listen about my crappy run which now I am sharing here on Sparkpeople too. I just wanna know that this was not about me and that 15 degrees in wind and snow can make even a decent or mediocre runner such as myself have a tough time. I wanna know that my run next week of 12 miles will not turn out the same. I wanna know if I am weak or if the circumstances were just not in my favor this morning.
I had some serious self doubt and when I came home I seriously googled (which DH and DS#1 keep picking on me about) things like..."is it harder to run on the snow" or "is it harder to run in the cold" things I most certainly now the answer to but was so fragile I needed to read words for reassurance.
Anyhow...I realize that we all have bad runs and I cannot dwell on it but I am not going to lie and say that for today this will weigh on me. I typically start my Saturday with my long run bright and early and then for the rest of the day I float on through with my normal errands feeling very satisfied with mission accomplished...not today.
SO, I just need to figure out how I can fight the mental battle that I am sure is going to come about next week when I have a longer run...it's that much harder to recoup after a crappy run...