Saturday, January 26, 2013
Weird things are happening to me today!
Last night, I did the Havening technique before bed, put on my iPod to listen to the pre-op instructions, laid down and shut my eyes, and woke up halfway through the second track! The one Iím not supposed to listen to till I feel Iím ready to have the gastric band fitted. I simply switched it off and went back to sleep.
I slept so well that when I awoke, I really didnít know what day of the week it was, it took me a while to come round.
Iím not a great breakfast eater, but today I was hungry, so I sat down to a small bowl of muesli. A tasty one, all nuts, fruits and seeds. In order to eat more slowly, Iíve been eating it with a teaspoon, today, Iíd eaten no more than half a dozen spoonfuls, chewing studiously, when suddenly I realized that I was Bored!
Yes bored with chewing, bored with swallowing, bored with the taste! I left the bowl on the side for a while, in case I rediscovered my lost appetite, but after about five minutes, by which time the muesli had absorbed all the milk, and congealed into one lump, and looked even less appetizing, I gave up and the rest went into the bin.
I had coffee with a neighbour, then decided to walk to the big DIY store in Sutton, promising myself a pasty for lunch when I got there. It was only later, when I was walking home, that I remembered that pasty. I had walked past the pasty shop, past the McDonalds, without even thinking about food! There have been past times, when either on one diet or another, I would have chosen not to have that pasty, but I would have felt sad, a bit deprived, maybe even virtuous about having made the Ďright choicesí. Today it didnít even occur to me! Lost in my own thoughts, food didnít even register on my radar!
I walked the long way round too, in both directions, a distance of about six miles, in 90 minutes! Itís not flat either. All right itís hardly the Highlands, but neither is it Holland. Sutton is distinctly lumpy.
Later, at home, now I was hungry. I had a peanut butter sandwich. One slice of bread, one teaspoonful of peanut butter, not exactly over the top. I managed half of it! I simply didnít want it any more! Not so much full, as just didnít want it, It joined the muesli in the bin.
And my mood!! I have always been a cheerful, positive, glass half full person, but I have my moments. I have a violent temper, once itís roused. Yesterday, I had two fairly simple DIY jobs to do, and they both went badly wrong. Usually that would have led to, in no particular order:-
Snarling visceral rage! At the whole unfairness of the universe!
Tears of frustration
Lots of stamping up and down stairs
Self hatred at the general uselessness of my muscles, and because I was going to have to ask my son to do it, and he has enough to do already.
Depression for most of the day.
Yesterday, did I care?
NO, NOT A JOT!!!
In fact, at one point I had to come down off the ladder because I had a vision of how it would look to someone else, and I was shaking with laughter.
Was it worth having a hissy fit over four overtightened screws and a £1.99 light fitting from B+Q..... NO
Would it hurt me to ask for assistance .... NO
Would my son mind me asking.... NO, (actually he will laugh with me at the story, and enjoy feeling masculine, superior and useful).
Plus, in myself, I feel so well!!
I have an added BOUNCE
I have more BOING in my bungee!
This evening I have lamb shanks for dinner, I wonder how much of it will go back into the slow cooker (crockpot) for tomorrow!
So itís one week till I have my hypnotic Gastric Band fitted. I will weigh myself, adjust my ticker, upwards unfortunately, take my measurements and wait for it to start.
But, perhaps, unbeknown to me, it has already started.