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    MEDDYPEDDY   131,745
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10 gr of chocolate...

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Bought som candy for daughter yesterday before I picked her up from the bus... she says she likes licorice and chocolate the most so I took mostly that kind...among those something called "coffee beans" that has a tast of coffee in them. Daughter did not like those and the morning after (30 minutes ago) I found them piled up beside my computer... irresistable, took four, they tasted absoulutely wonderful, melting on my tongue... this is a kind of "all is lot, eat away thing" but there were really not many so I wieghte the ones left and all toghether it was probably eight grams, being not optimistic lets say ten... track ten grams of milk chocolate is 51 cal, no catastrophe at all.

But my disorder keep telling me that "all is lost" - it will be interesting to see what I will do on the rest of this day...

I also have a desperate meltdown as I have suddenly gotten the true image of myself into my brain - it was those pictures from my borthday that made me aware what I really look like... and thinking about going to Barcelona in june to do hooping suddenly frightens me. Had I not already paid the deposit I would cancel that engagement because I know that most other participant will be young women and then maybe two or three little older but surely there will be no mor odd fat swedish woman that does not even hoop well... These are normally things that I just donīt realise until it starys and then I donīt care and I usually have fun... but this time is no fun, I wish I at least had enlisted daughter as well but it was so much trouble getting her free from school and discussiong with her father... had she been old enough I would have sent her on her own now because I think that camp would be REALLY fun for her, but she is only twelve and it is not realistic.

SO there are many desperate plans running through my head now "how much can I lose in foru months" "what if I..." and I do know that whenever I get desperate it ends up with many binges...

It is one day at the time, today I only have to deal with that chocolate... that is to accept that it was really nothing catastrophal about those coffee beans, I can continue a healthy day!

On the good side - temperature is -2. It is cloudy but I donīt mind, it is nice to be able to get outside without having to breathe through a scarve...
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILLYHP1953 3/26/2013 1:10PM

    Acceptance...I try to remember to love my body because without it my spirit and mind would not be here on earth. I sure could take better care of my body (and my spirit and mind, too) but it is what it is. I keep trying one day at a time.
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KRZYKAT3 1/28/2013 12:19AM

    one step at a time, you were acccpeted to right? right? so forget your shape, do your best to continue on with your plan and head out for a joyous adventure you LONG to go on!! ENJOY and DO NOT BINGE!!! I am sending the emoticon to make sure you do NOT let that little emoticon talk you into any BAD habits...

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CHRISTINASP 1/27/2013 10:01AM

    emoticon Whoa, whoa. You're a beautiful woman, Meddy. Don't forget that.
It is very clear not just your appearance but your psyche too is beautiful.
Don't let negative thoughts get the better of you and drive you away from an adventure, something that you looked forward too. Also don't deprive other participants there of the joy of meeting and getting to know you. Please.

Comment edited on: 1/27/2013 10:03:38 AM

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PHATPAT18 1/26/2013 9:04PM

    One day at a time is the best way to think about getting through any obstacles.

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AKELAZ 1/26/2013 4:22PM

    MP - you got the chocolate fears under control with logic and now you know you can do the same with Barcelona. If I started calculating the maximum amount of weight I could lose before a certain event it would totally send me into some major binges and I suspect you are the same. Just take it steadily and let Barcelona take care of itself. It'll be fine when you get there and get involved in the hooping - which you plainly know in your heart of hearts. Hold that thought and the future - and Barcelona - will take care of itself.

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TOMSGIRL9 1/26/2013 10:26AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KASEYCOFF 1/26/2013 10:20AM

    One day - one day - one day at a time. Just keep repeating that, Meddy, because it will get you through this.

Wish I did hoops, because if I DID, I would go with you - then they'd have two odd fat women who do not hoop well, lol!
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JOYINKY 1/26/2013 8:37AM

    You are absolutely right! "It is one day at the time, today I only have to deal with that chocolate... that is to accept that it was really nothing catastrophal about those coffee beans, I can continue a healthy day!"

History is NOT destiny!

I too would have anxiety about Spain and it has nothing to do with my size and surprisingly my age seems to be a social asset in those situations. But, that doesn't overcome my introverted tendencies and while I'm usually fine "in" the situation I experience a lot of anxiety anticipating it. If it's important to me I just have to push through. You will have fun; you always have fun! Enjoy each day as it comes!

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BECKYSFRIEND 1/26/2013 7:08AM

    A little bit of chocolate can be a good thing!

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OOLALA53 1/26/2013 6:18AM

    Just enjoy moderate meals all the time and keep working at dropping the random eating. I've found the more I am satisfied at meals, the less important other eating has become. I'm happier with less at meals, too. Even if you haven't lost anything in a few months, you will feel more relaxed about food. Regarding the hooping, there will be a variety of opinions, likely. But it sounds like you enjoy it, so it will be an adventure right up your alley! emoticon

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CHIASMA 1/26/2013 5:47AM

    I can totally relate to those lines of thinking.

Hooping in Barcelona sounds like so much fun! I'd wager that you'll have a great time no matter what you weigh or how awkward you feel going in.

And a little bit of chocolate is good for both your mind and body. Think of it as a positive thing you've done for yourself rather than a cheat.

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TCANNO 1/26/2013 5:31AM

    You must remember that is takes 3500 calories to put on one pound so 51 cals is no big deal only in the mind. Don't do it too often and all will be ok, so stop knocking yourself, you are doing great.

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Comment edited on: 1/26/2013 5:32:14 AM

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