Saturday, January 26, 2013
The last couple of days were dark days as I got in touch with a lot of anger and sadness. Yesterday was particularly challenging.
I have learned to not judge my feelings nor to identify with them in a personal way. I also have learned value of allowing the feelings to be there because by honoring them I can release them. I used to resist all these painful feelings, especially anger because It was "bad" or "sinful". Now that I know they don't mean anything except the meaning I gave them, I can sit with the feelings as long as necessary.
I didn't want to do anything and I didn't fight that either.
I learned a lot about myself by giving myself the empathy I have never received. I could see that my shadow self had determined that no one understood or listened to me. The blind spot and big lesson I learned is that I was a poor listener. UGH! Painful to admit!!
The ego's dirty little trick was to keep me focused on what others were doing to me, or not doing for me, in this case, and off my own faults. This was a deep seated victim pattern that has been unwinding over the past year. I can see that I hit the core of the core of this limiting belief.
It wouldn't have happened, nor would I be ready to let it go, if I had avoided feeling the feelings instead of staying grounded and present with them. Then it is much easier to get really honest and to take full responsibility for what we have created, once we see that it no longer serves us or anyone else.
I didn't fight the urges to eat comfort food, nor did I gorge myself. I just stayed with the process knowing that it would pass.
Today, I feel like a completely different person. I feel more awake and alive than ever before. I will keep facing my inner demons as they come up knowing that nothing can hurt me and I can choose whether to give my power away or step in to my power.