Friday, January 25, 2013
I am back to working on my inside thinking as I struggle with feeling that I am not good enough; not worthy.
Today I was at the gym after being sick for 3 weeks so of course I could not work out at the same level I had before I got sick and before I put on weight. My trainer was telling me I was doing a good job, but during the entire work out I felt like I wasn't doing a good job at all. I couldn't internalize what he was saying. Since I wasn't where I had been I felt I was a screw up for the weight again and until I get back to where I was I will be a screw up. I know that may sound ridiculous to most, but I also know there are many who can relate.
I am pleased that I am back to working out, but at the same time I keep belittling myself for having a lapse in my weight loss. I seem to take every opportunity to treat myself as a doormat (what I learned as a child). It is hard to re-parent myself, but I am working on it.
So my assignment for today was to think of one thing that makes me worthy. You may not be surprised to read that I struggled with this. My initial thoughts were of what I don't do well--because I am not prefect (defective), but I kept fighting those negative thoughts.
I remembered that I must have value or I wouldn't have friends. People I know MUST see something worthy about me. I have been digging and came up with a few things:
-I am supportive to my friends.
-I will be there for them in a "New York minute" if they need me.
- I am very caring to others.
Notice a pattern?
I seem to feel worthy when the focus is on others rather than myself.
The reality is we are all Worthy just by being. We are all different and that is what makes us unique. We are like a piece of artwork. No two brush strokes exactly the same, no two paintings identical, but beautiful none the less.
Each of us is an original work of art, a one of kind and someone special. May we all see the beauty in ourselves--flaws and all.