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Inside Out

Friday, January 25, 2013

I am back to working on my inside thinking as I struggle with feeling that I am not good enough; not worthy.

Today I was at the gym after being sick for 3 weeks so of course I could not work out at the same level I had before I got sick and before I put on weight. My trainer was telling me I was doing a good job, but during the entire work out I felt like I wasn't doing a good job at all. I couldn't internalize what he was saying. Since I wasn't where I had been I felt I was a screw up for the weight again and until I get back to where I was I will be a screw up. I know that may sound ridiculous to most, but I also know there are many who can relate.

I am pleased that I am back to working out, but at the same time I keep belittling myself for having a lapse in my weight loss. I seem to take every opportunity to treat myself as a doormat (what I learned as a child). It is hard to re-parent myself, but I am working on it.

So my assignment for today was to think of one thing that makes me worthy. You may not be surprised to read that I struggled with this. My initial thoughts were of what I don't do well--because I am not prefect (defective), but I kept fighting those negative thoughts.

I remembered that I must have value or I wouldn't have friends. People I know MUST see something worthy about me. I have been digging and came up with a few things:
-I am supportive to my friends.
-I will be there for them in a "New York minute" if they need me.
- I am very caring to others.

Notice a pattern?
I seem to feel worthy when the focus is on others rather than myself.

The reality is we are all Worthy just by being. We are all different and that is what makes us unique. We are like a piece of artwork. No two brush strokes exactly the same, no two paintings identical, but beautiful none the less.

Each of us is an original work of art, a one of kind and someone special. May we all see the beauty in ourselves--flaws and all.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PRINCESS1309

    I can relate to you. Whenever I backslide I beat up on myself. I know that life is not perfect, and I don't expect perfection from others, but for some reason I am very hard on myself. I was that person in school that needed the 100% A.

    You have come a long way. Rejoice!!!!!!!!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1849 days ago
  • MACMOM57
    You can do it. Love how honest you are with you self. Keep going you can do it.
    1852 days ago
    1853 days ago
    Clearly your friends find you worthy.
    Your plan of healing the inside along with the outside is a good one.
    I wish you the best my friend,
    1853 days ago
    First: I want to thank you for this heartfelt blog. You have touch my heart and I feel what you are saying. I can relate.


    You have so much to offer in you so please treat yourself lovingly and don't be so hard on yourself.

    You have been sick so it take time to get back to where you were before. You will get there again. I see determination in you and strength.

    Hugs emoticon
    1854 days ago
    I know if I told you I had been sick and felt bad about my performance at the gym you would be one of the first to remind me that I had done my best. I hope that you can give yourself a break. Don't imagine others saying bad things about you and don't allow you to say it to yourself. I am working on that.

    You can do it. I know you will. We will do this together. We can do it. We are strong.
    1854 days ago
    We are hardest on ourselves. I often wonder why, considering we can be the biggest cheeleaders for people we barely even know. I do know the inner battles in life.

    I don't know your faith, I was told this once, and hold it dear: "God doesn't make junk!"

    We all have set-back. A few years ago, I was doing great getting up early in the mornings and going to the gym. Then, it was like I was just tired of it all-kept my gym membership though-paid for it, but barely used it.
    Try not to be hard on yourself. You were ill-and now you are getting healthy again. Try and remain positive. There is always someone in life who is going through a worse time then you. Today may be a rough day, but tomorrow....oh wow....who knows what tomorrow will be like.
    1854 days ago
    Always worthy
    1854 days ago
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