Friday, January 25, 2013
So I guess in order to change the way I think about my body I kinda have to know what it is that I think in the first place and why I think that way.
So I'll start off with what I think is sexy, beautiful. I admire the 50/60's vintage pin ups. Marylin Monroe would be my body role model. She wasn't stick thin at all, she had curves. I don't want to be stick thin, I want to be strong and have curves, I am a woman after all.
Last night I did something I have never really done before, I took a bath, lit some candles put some baby oil in the water and just looked at my body. I'm totally the type that changes as fast as I can and will avoid the mirror until I have clothes on. No wonder why I have such a poor opinion of my body, I don't really even know what it looks like.
So I was thinking about what I truly think of my body and this is what I came up with:
I actually love my feet, I've always been told my feet were weird because my toes curl under. I like that my toes curl under. My feet are a size 8, I believe that's average but I get told I have small feet a lot. I especially love my feet after a pedicure, my toe nails are really tiny and I can't paint them myself. I'm starting to like my legs. I used to hate them, always thought my thighs were too fat but now I'm starting to like the extra fat on my thighs. I do miss the muscles of my calves but I'll get that back in time. I also used to hate my legs because my skin is super sensitive and I would itch them till they would bleed. I've cut back on the amount of chemicals I use which has solved the problem. I don't like my stretch marks on my thighs but that's not something I can change, so I need to accept them, and maybe at some point love them because they are "scars" from the journey I went through. I do wish my hips were bigger but it's not something that bothers me. I have no qualms over my butt, always, always been told how nice it is, lol. My stomach has probably given me the most grief. One I have a trial of hair going down the middle which has always made me self conscious. I have always carried a little extra weight around my stomach. Well I'm learning that's because it's my body's way of saying I'm stressed. It's slowly going away. I have a bit of a muffin top going on, but it's starting to bother me less and less. I'm starting to like my curves. I have always wished my boobs were a bit bigger, that hasn't changed. I used to love my arms, I don't so much anymore because they aren't as strong as they used to be. I love my hands, they are my mother's hand. I have long slender fingers. I used to hate my nose I thought it was too pointed. I do hate the bags under my eyes that never seem to go away.
I am a "dirty" italian. Which means I have fair skin, and dark thick hair. I don't mind my dark thick hair well except for the places other than my head. I'm slowly getting over that too. I don't think I'm ugly. I do think I am beautiful, but I would never boast about it. It's funny because typing this out seems soo silly. Saying all my insecurities out loud.
I do think the human body is beautiful. I think skin looks breath taking under candlelight.