Friday, January 25, 2013
My SparkCoach Community Task for today is to update my blog. I'm supposed to share my "three things" today. I'm not sure if those are supposed to be three certain things or just three things of my choosing. Since I'm not sure, I'll discuss three things currently on my mind that are affecting my journey.
1) Focusing on the positive instead of beating myself up on the negative. I have had issues with binging over the past few years. I have phases where I will go without binging for a few months and be able to stay on my healthy plan but fall back into a binge cycle after. I'm currently in a binge cycle. It started with the holidays (Thanksgiving) and has waxed and waned since then. I haven't been able to get a solid two weeks in of being binge free since then. Instead of beating myself up about my binge episodes of the past couple of months, I am going to try and focus on the times that I was able to make it through the day without binging. I am also going to try and become more aware of when these feelings creep up so that I can find a healthier substitute to deal with my emotions rather than going on a weekend long bender. I've also decided to take the pressure off of trying to lose my latest binge cycle weight as fast as possible. I need to start learning how to adapt a healthy lifestyle into real life and not be so regimented because clearly that isn't working.
2) My alcoholic father. When I was a kid, my dad had a drinking problem. He was able to turn things around and quit drinking for nearly two decades (or so I thought.) Growing up, he always tried to instill in me to be careful with alcohol. This past Saturday it came to light that my dad's problem was back... when my family found him passed out in the bathroom from secretly drinking himself into oblivion. Initially we were unsure what had happened to him. Did he have a heart attack? A stroke? Because he was sneaking drinks we had no idea what was going on. The EMTs brought him to the hospital where we found out he had a BAC of .399 (almost 5x the legal limit). So many emotions have passed through me since then. Anger, hurt, fear, worry, etc. I guess it really is a life long battle but I didn't really expect my dad's monster to come back again. Part of me also worries about myself and my future. I don't have a drinking problem myself but I do feel like I use food as my drug of choice as my dad uses alcohol. I am worried that I won't get my binging under control or I'll finally feel like I will but will end up having future setbacks like my dad.
3) "If goals don't scare you, they're not big enough." -Tom Holland. I signed up for a half marathon and boyyyyyy am I scared! I just need something to focus my attention on that's healthy and not related to the above two points. Yikes!