Compulsive Overeater Voice versus Recovery Voice
Friday, January 25, 2013
Good Morning SparkFriends!
I took my first dose of Metformin last night and was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't as bad as I had feared. I had built up this horrible scenario in my mind that I'd be major GI pain, with nausea, cramping and diarrhea. I didn't even notice any changes in how I felt until I got up this morning and then it wasn't bad at all and it passed in about an hour. I'm hoping that it doesn't get any worse than this and that I can get by on the lower ER dose that I started on. I had the best fasting blood sugar reading than I have had in months and that's the only reading I have had problems with previously when I am eating sanely.
This got me to thinking about how I can get inside my head and "awfulize" just about anything. I had put off starting this medication because I was afraid of the side effects some people have talked about. I have two voices inside my head....my compulsive overeater voice and my recovery voice. I am learning to tell the two apart and listen to my recovery voice much more than my compulsive overeater voice.
My compulsive overeater voice is usually trying to justify and rationalize sick behavior. My recovery voice tells me I am loved and worthy of being good to my body, mind and spirit. How do I know which voice is talking to me at any given time? My compulsive overeater's voice tells me that sick is sane and that eating food out of the garbage is okay. My compulsive overeater's voice tells me that eating huge amounts of food when I'm not hungry is okay. My compulsive overeater's voice tells me that good is a good reward to give myself for being so good.
My recovery voice, on the other hand, tells me that sick is sick. It tells me that eating food out of the garbage is a symptom of my disease voice and I don't have to practice that behavior today. My recovery voice tells me that eating huge amounts of food when I'm not hungry (and even when I am hungry) is bad for my body, mind and spirit. My recovery voice tells me that moderation is the key. My recovery voice tells me that being loving towards myself and others is a good reward to give myself for being "me". There is no good and bad involved.
When I find myself "rationalizing" something, I can be pretty sure that my compulsive overeater's voice is kicking in. I don't have to justify or rationalize what my recovery voice tells me. When I get quiet enough to sit still and listen to my recovery voice, I hear the whispers of God in my heart and I know that it is good.
I am looking forward to a 3 day weekend. I need to get some exercise in this morning and head out to get groceries. I am going to try a new recipe I found here and it looks really good. Later this afternoon I am going in for a cut and highlights. I plan on having a great day and hope all of you do also!