Friday, January 25, 2013
It's getting to that point where.. I am downright blue in the face, sick of being sick. When I began this quest to live a more healthy life, it was in part, because I didn't feel good every day. A general overall .. everything felt harder with all the extra weight on, feeling persisted through my days that made me often feel unwell. I was getting migraines just about every day. I couldn't sleep more than a few hours at a time, and just walking or standing for short distances left me winded.
This feeling however, is different. This is a weakness of body that I feel because all my energy is being sapped by my body fighting the infection. This is a frustration/boredom which comes with laying in bed. Of not being able to breathe through my nose, or get up and move around. Of waking multiple times in the night covered in sweat, or getting chills. This is genuine illness... and in some strange way, being genuinely ill hurts MORE now that I know what feeling healthy feels like.
I have like this caged bird feeling.. where I can't exercise or do any of the healthy things that I want to. I'm going back to work today despite not having a ton of energy or being fully "better" yet. I'm better enough that I can handle my job energy wise today and not much else.
Tomorrow though .. tomorrow I've promised myself that I am going to go work out, even if I am only strong enough to do 15 minutes of my usual 30, I am going to try. Because I honestly can not take much more of this feeling miserable feeling. I want to be healthy, and strong.. I want to continue to lose weight. I want to continue to get healthier. I had fallen behind on my weight loss goals for the month of Jan but losing four pounds means that I am only 2 pounds off my goal @ 276 instead of 274. The sooner I get better though, the sooner I can get back in the race, to catch up with myself.
About the only thing good about being sick is that I don't have a very big appetite, so it's been easy to make my choices when I do eat, healthy ones to give my body the fuel it needs to get back on track.