Friday, January 25, 2013
How did it come to this ? Those are the words in my head as I try to sieve through where little by little chipped away at my progress.
Just a few months ago I was celebrating hitting the 50 pound lost mark, I felt good, I was never out of breath, life was simpler.
Then little by little my drive had gone away to exercise, little by little those wrong eating habits crept back into my life and indeed little by little the 50 pounds lost dropped to 40, 30, 20 & finally where I am now 15 under my original weight when I started on sparkpeople.
It's amazing how we have all these little victory which snow ball together to help us win battles, for instance in my case, as simple as being able to bend over while stood up to tie my shoe lace instead of being sat down or leaning on something & cocking my leg up to make it possible, or playing full games for my local soccer team & at the end thinking I could play another game as I'm not exhausted.
But little by little the small skirmishes are being lost & now battles are going the same way, I am just really struggling to get a grip on things & get back on track because I just don't seem to have a drive I did, where I could get up early workout, eat, prepare a meal later for work, then work & come home & sometimes hit the gym for a second time in a day.
The worse part is when you look in the mirror. . . . Week on week you look at yourself, week by week you see more of yourself disappear towards the person which you wish to become & it makes you feel awesome but the last month or so I have regressed to where week on week I'm seeing the old me come back & I suppose that kicks me in the teeth & makes me feel worse.then I do what I always did, turned to food which helped snow ball the problem once again & take months of hard work & reduce to almost nothing.
How did it come to this ? Because you let it !
That's the realisation which I have to take in, it's a bitter pill to swallow but it's true, we can all blame Our childhood, our work, our family for how we got big but eventually we have to realise, we have control over our own lives, what we eat, when we eat, if & when we exercise. All decisions which we make are our own & we have to stand by them, right or wrong.
I have had a big relapse on my program, & going around blaming everyone but me for it happening isn't the way to get round it, I need to keep looking in that mirror every morning & not be disgusted at how far I've fallen recently but look back to heights I soared but a couple months ago & try to hit that place again before trying to better even that part of my life.
So for one last time, how did it come to this ? Because you let it !
How's it going to get better ? Because your going to work hard for it !