Friday, January 25, 2013
Okie dokie, I'm back and feeling better. I'm still mulling things over, but this is what I know. I am still working on weeding through my CLUTTER and I know this is playing a part in where I am at the moment. With so much chaos surrounding me outside, it's hard to tame the chaos inside. I'm constantly distracted by the mess, even though I am making progress with it. Not only is it interfering with my emotional/mental inner work, it is not very conducive to my spiritual inner work.
This isn't an excuse...it is a very real problem that I am working hard on, going through a lifetime of memories and "stuff" I have "pack ratted" away. Letting go is VERY hard and I'm half tempted just to throw away everything I have had packed away. If I wasn't afraid of throwing away something important, I would just haul it all out to the trash. So I just soldier through.
As for more immediate and helpful lessons I have learned from experimenting: I discovered that even though 100% whole wheat bread has more calories than my 100% wheat sandwich thins, they are denser, fill me up better and last longer than the thins.
I have learned that usually no matter what I have for breakfast, I'm hungry within an hour or two. I tried something different this week. I had oj, southwestern eggbeaters, a morningstar prime griller patty and two pieces of whole wheat toast. I felt satisfied and didn't start to feel hungry until just before lunch. Another thing that seemed to help was having some tea as I work in the morning. It keeps me feeling full longer.
I have committed myself to other little things in my quest to get on my feet again. When making my pb&j sandwiches, I won't take anymore extra tastes of peanut butter as I am making and after my sandwich is made. Oh! And no more spoonfuls of peanut butter and honey, or syrup or nutella at night when I have the mega munchies!
One good thing about the tea is I am getting more water. I drink a lot of water, but I know I fall short at times.
I am going to make the "instant" oatmeal recipe in the Spark People cookbook so I can have a more nutritious oatmeal.
This has taken me forever to write tonight. I have been at this for a couple of hours. I have admitted to a lot tonight. Stuff that I have never admitted to anyone. Perhaps I feel I need to be more honest here amongst my family. Maybe I need to do this to take responsibility "Out Loud" as it were. *Shrugs* I don't know...
What I do know is that it is past my bedtime, I'm feeling a wee bit better and not as far down in the abyss. I saw a rainbow as I arrived home tonight and I took that as a positive, hopeful sign. Of course any day it rains, I feel immeasurably better.
Good night and sweet sleep.