Thursday, January 24, 2013
Ok, for those of you with a weak, or easily-offended, constitution, look away.
Yesterday was a doozy for me.
I was eating healthfully, making good choices (or so I thought), and had a big ol' bowl of an aseptic-packaged soup I got at Whole Foods. Gran Farro e Fagioli by Fig Food Co. It was kinda bland, but had an ok flavor, so I polished it off with a small veggie sandwich made with high-fiber bread.
Halfway through the afternoon, I started feeling...*uncomfortable*. That discomfort quickly festered into an unbelievable, pressurized BLOAT distending my upper gut to hideous dimensions. I was miserable. All I could hope for was this gaseous pressure to move one direction or the other! I couldn't "express" from either end, and it just kept getting worse and worse. I pressed on my gut hoping to move the bubble, but it wasn't going anywhere. I don't drink pop and can't take antacids or bicarbonates due to medications I am on, so I was forced to let this "pass" naturally.
After work, I was supposed to meet DH at the gym. I was terrified to go. What if "it" decided to birth mid-stride on the elliptical? I would be horrified. It would not be a typical runner's SBD that is to be excused as part of a runner's bodily musical repertoire. No, this thing would be a basketball foghorn blast as the clock runs out.
I gingerly started my strides at a slow pace to feel things out, and when nothing seemed to shift, I continued my workout with enthusiasm, albeit cautiously. After 20 minutes, the wind shifted, shall we say. Pun intended. I clenched and dismounted as quickly as one can with cheeks glued together and bee-lined it for the restroom.
I was so relieved to have clenched that bad-boy in all the way to the restroom, and silently thanked my trainer for being a drill sergeant with the glute exercises. The anonymity of the spacious stall was comforting as I waited for *something* to happen. Nothing. I waited some more. More nothing. I sat there for 10 minutes trying to get this thing outta me! When I realized that it had no intention of leaving, at least not yet, I decided to pack it in and go home. I whispered my reason to DH, who, grinning, said, "Yeah, that's probably best."
My painful passenger remained with me until this morning. Luckily I was alone when he left. And before I flushed, I saw just exactly what was in that soup and sandwich.