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Erin and the Secret Pants Conspiracy (dum dum DUM!!!!)


Thursday, January 24, 2013

So hooray for me, I'm 60 pounds down!!! What does that mean? It's time to buy new clothes, right? YES!

Well...

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You won't believe this, but the universe is against me. They are hiding all the pants!!! Seriously, no pants ANYWHERE!!!

Let's step back a bit, and I will explain.

In early December, my pants were already starting to look a little big on me. I knew that I didn't want to deal with the holiday shopper madness that would be coming in a few weeks, so I thought I'd get a jump on things and buy new duds pronto. Most of my clothes at that point, even the shirts, are looking big on me -- the shirts I can get by with until winter is over, but the pants, as you all know, don't stretch as far. But, I was going shopping, right? So time to buy both!

I go skipping la-de-da into J.C. Penney's, which has been kind of a godsend for me -- reasonable, basic shirts and pants that I can buy in different colors, fit me well, and don't break the bank. Skip, skippity skip goes me, trekking over to the area where my favorite brand of shirts lives. But...no brand. No clothes. Instead, there are these garish oh-my-lordy Day-Glo neon clothes that -- HOLD UP, YO -- JCP has released under its own label. And in the process, they are no longer carrying my favorite brand!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Have I mentioned that I am NOT a shopping kinda girl? I like to know what works for me, go in, try it on with a smile, buy it, and leave. That makes me uber happy. But having to start from scratch and try on everything in the store? ICK, no!)

I tried to be open minded and try this new brand -- because hey, I may need to work along a roadside one day and want the drivers to be able to spot me in pitch darkness -- but really, they are crappy clothes. Bad colors, bad fit, bad quality. NOPE.

So I accept that there will be no new shirts that day. I head over to where my favorite pants live, intending to buy a size down from what I'm wearing.

NO PANTS!!!!! Apparently every woman in my size has decided to buy all the pants FOREVER.

I try on other styles, other brands, and zilch. No go. I head home a little frustrated but figuring I'll try again somewhere else another day. Which I do, and no luck. Grrr....

A few weeks later, post-holiday, I pop into another store where I've had some luck in the past. And hey, I find a pair of jeans! Woop woop! But the ones I try on are the really dark ones, and I would rather have a more medium-colored pair, especially since I'm trying not to go crazy with clothes until I reach my ideal weight -- a medium color would be more versatile, I think. So I search. And search.

Well! These sneaky same-sized ladies that bought my JCP clothes have decided to buy all the jeans too!! I try the internet for this store, and they don't have any either! What is happening!!!

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So here we are today, and I caught my reflection in the mirror at work. I don't know about y'all, but I go through periods where my pants look great right after they've been washed and tighten up a bit, but soon after they stretch and make me look like Ms. Baggy Butt Lady. It is definitely time to buy. But I'm a little hesitant to even venture out there again because I don't have a lot of patience for shopping and am not in the mood to spend hours searching the shops. It's looking like I'm gonna have to, though. Sigh!

Have I mentioned that I wanted to replace a pair of work shoes I love, and can't find a new pair of THOSE either?

Okay, okay. I get it, woe is me for needing to buy smaller clothes, but man! Couldn't they just leave me one thing, one scrap of clothing to give me hope? I think I'll have to take action this week -- I will put on my Super Erin Shopping Warrior costume (complete with cape) and go out and face the department store world of endless racks and rolling shelves and I will vanquish the evil pants thieves!!! Boo yah!

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Well, maybe. We'll see how I feel!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
MONICA_W 1/27/2013 12:54PM

    Heaven forbid, you may just have to venture out to a new store, or pop into your favourite one more often. I bet if you sweet-talked one of the sales people, they might call you when the new pants arrive in store.

Welcome to being average-sized. emoticon

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1PEACEBUNNY 1/25/2013 11:43AM

    I don't know whether to laugh at your story or Mrs. Badass (Sexbobomb)comment so I laughed at both. It could be worse you could still be searching for your pre-60 pound pants but you're now a sexy 60-pounds less woman....just still all the skirts before they decide to round them up....lol! Thanks for the smile and I want to be this lucky/miserable one day over pants! emoticon emoticon

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SEXBOBOMB 1/25/2013 10:43AM

    Dude, my husband claims there's a "Fat Guy" in our town who gets to all the shops ahead of him and buys all the clothes in my husband's size.

It's now gotten to the point where we'll go into Target or wherever and the Hubs will go off to the men's department only to return empty-handed.

"Nothing?" I'll ask.
"Fat Guy already got 'em." he'll say.
"That greedy b#stard!"

Maybe you've got your own "Not-really-fat Girl"!
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BEMILLER30 1/25/2013 10:01AM

    Hahaha you are so funny! I hate clothes shopping too...well I like it better when I'm at a lower weight I guess. But I still hate trying to find a specific thing b/c it's like it doesn't exist.
I'll look forward to hearing how your shopping day goes. I hope you find some pants! :)

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AHTRAP 1/25/2013 1:11AM

    They never do warn you about that "You're gonna have to get a new wardrobe" side effect of getting healthier, do they?

Hope you can find a store that hasn't fallen victim to the "They bought all the pants!" conspiracy.

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BRADMILL2922 1/24/2013 11:33PM

    HOLD UP YO? I had to take a minute to stop laughing when I saw that before I could continue reading! I'm looking forward to the blog about how Super Erin Shopping Warrior does and it should come complete with pictures! Hopefully you can find some pants and shoes coming up! I can't believe those ladies took all the pants and shoes! Good luck!

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EMMAEKAY 1/24/2013 9:48PM

    I'd rather have a Baggy Butt than a Massive Muffintop!

I have been having the same problems. I put off getting new exercise pants for as long as possible, but I have to buy a new pair this weekend because these ones... basically fell off during Zumba yesterday. hahahaha

Oh poor us, we're too small for our clothes!

Hope you find some rockin' threads soon, lady!

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DAUGHTEROFTWIN 1/24/2013 8:55PM

    Funny Blog, Super Erin! Nothing is more frustrating than getting excited to clothes shop, only to find ...zilch. I've got a favorite JCPenny brand also. Now I'm worried they may no longer carry it. Fingers crossed for good luck tomorrow.

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GRACEMCC45 1/24/2013 8:52PM

    Hahahahah, thank you for a laugh before bed!!

I know the feeling, except usually for me it's about household organizey stuff, like "I've invented this wonderful contraption in my brain, why doesn't it exist?"

The pants will come, stores are just rebuilding stock still from the holidays. And it's better to be a successful Baggy Pants McGee than be a down-trodden Muffin Top Mabel.

Let me know how your shopping goes when you do find some pants! I love and dearly miss clothing shopping - it gets SO much more fun as you get to a more satisfying size!

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NGCHILD 1/24/2013 8:50PM

    Holy cow you have had an adventure! If you are into second hand -- you might try ebay or goodwill for pants. I hate it when stores no longer carry your favorite things! So frustrating!!

I wish you much luck!

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