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    NIKKICOLE83   18,235
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****Misses McMunch-A-Lots and the chica in the mirror****WITH PICS***

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Thursday, January 24, 2013

Fair warning: most of my blog titles make no sense and I like it that way! emoticon I have been munching all freakin day. It is like all day i have been one level above hunger but one level below satisfied. Basically, I can feel my stomach operating and I have been throwing things down the chute so I don't have to listen to or feel what is going on down there. I don't know why I can't feel satisfied lately? I understand part of this journey is being okay with being hungry sometimes. Today I wasn't feeling that. I think it is my inner cavewoman realizing that it is 4 degrees in Omaha today and I have much less padding than I had before and she is trying to keep me alive! Either that or my inner fat girl is throwing a tantrum. I don't know but I don't have many calories left for dinner unless I go crazy in my evening workout. Did I mention it was 4 degrees? That is cuddling weather not sweating weather. Oh well, guess I will have to cuddle AFTER P90X.

I was at Zumba with my sister yesterday. In our class, there are mirrors on each wall of the room. I hated that damn room when I was 270 lbs. I thought they were circus mirrors because there was no way I could possibly be as big as the image that was dancing in front of them. Yesterday was different. I began to wonder if they replaced the Fun House mirrors with different ones because there was no way the chica staring back at me with the gangly arms was me! I think it was the first time in a long time that I have taken in how much I have changed. My forearms were so slender that they actually looked lanky. I appeared narrow. I didn't look like ME. I looked like the person I always thought I was but could never find.

I have been heavy for so long.

I knew that at a young age. But at some point I embraced my thickness, I believe I was 14 years old. But what I thought was curviness was the beginning of an uphill battle. Here I was my senior year of high school:


You see, I didn't know I had a problem at that point because I was very popular at school. The cool kids and the nerds were my friend (I was actually a nerd - president of National Honor Society, Editor-in-Chief of the newspaper, just in cool clothes) and I had a steady boyfriend all the way through school and other boys hit on me as well. I didn't know I was obese! Then May of 2012 came around and my sister took this picture of me.



I was shocked! That was not the ME that I seen in the mirror everyday. It was like a kick in the gut. Part of me was angered that no one brought my weight to my attention. But why would they? I put on the front that I was so confident and happy with my looks, why would anyone argue that? I IMMEDIATELY changed the way I lived. And while I was changing internally, emotionally, mentally, etc, etc, it took some time for the changes in my physique and appearance to take ahold. But I didn't let that stop me.


Two weeks in, only 1 lb down but feeling better already.


Seven weeks in and I am down about 13 pounds. It was at this time that I decided I would run a 5k a month to keep myself motivated. There isn't a ton of change on the scale but I ran most of this race and finished at 37 minutes! Super proud and definitely couldn't do that before.


My engagement photos taken August 25th, three months in. I am down25 pounds from my highest weight. I didn't feel pretty on this day. I wanted results faster. I wasn't seeing the changes and was losing hope. But I told myself that it had to get better if I continued to put the work in.


A little over one month separates this picture from the previous. In that month that I stayed committed and pushed harder, the weight began to melt off. To me, I look at these two pictures and it looks like twenty pounds separates them. It doesn't. The two pictures are a difference of 8 lbs. Can you believe that??? I can't but believe me, I take very detailed records! That just goes to show that each pound is special and each pound makes a difference, so respect and appreciate each pound because it is getting you somewhere.

And today, I don't recognize myself. I have changed from a person who hated nature in every shape and facet to a person who is scratching at the door waiting to get outside. I get a high from beating my body to exhaustion and working hard. Most days, I look like this after a workout:



and THAT means I had a good time! I have cheekbones, a jaw line, my nose is a different shape, I have dimples (I had them before but my fat filled them up like botox), my collar bones are defined. This is me now:



I respect this girl. I am proud of this girl. And although I don't quite know who she is yet, I am looking forward to the woman she is becoming.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NASFKAB 3/19/2013 9:49AM

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EFFRAYECHILDE 2/12/2013 9:49AM

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ACTIONHEROFOX 2/5/2013 5:33PM

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NIQUE85 2/5/2013 9:05AM

    You are doing great! Thanks for being such great motivation for me!! Keep it up! emoticon

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PUPPYWHISPERS 2/4/2013 9:20AM

    You look fantastic! Great job!!! emoticon

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STARLIGHT30 2/2/2013 11:13PM

    Thank you for sharing - so inspirational! Go girl! emoticon

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TALLGIRL4 2/2/2013 7:28AM

    Excellent work girl

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IN102WIN 1/31/2013 8:01AM

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ICANDI4U 1/31/2013 3:46AM

    Awesome job...and blog!
Keep up the great work. emoticon

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DOTTY7267 1/30/2013 12:42PM

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STAYCXL-NOMORE 1/30/2013 10:44AM

    Great Blog , you look amazing :) enjoy that new women u have become !!!
Stayc

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BEATRIZ269 1/29/2013 12:13PM

    Thank you so much for writing this blog. You are a great writer and very witty. You have changed yourself physically in incredible ways but I believe you are a great person always and have a gift to share with others with your inspiring writing and your zest for life.

Thank you for reminding me to respect that one pound. I am grateful for that particularly today.

You look amazing!!!

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PRESBESS 1/28/2013 6:26PM

    You look absolutely amazing! You've put in the work and it shows. Keep it up!
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SUGAR0814 1/28/2013 3:48PM

    Wow! You look great! A true inspiration! emoticon

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CAKEMAKERMOM 1/28/2013 12:17PM

    You've done a lot of hard work and you can see the results! Keep on Sparkin'!

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EUEK098 1/28/2013 11:48AM

    We're proud of you too, you've done so well, keep it up, am rooting for you.

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YULLABELLE 1/28/2013 10:45AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BLKLILY 1/27/2013 2:22PM

    YOU look emoticon and deserve it.

emoticon on meeting your goals!

I wish you many more beautiful things to come emoticon

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MISSB8604 1/27/2013 1:13PM

    Girl, I am BEYOND proud of you. You have worked SO hard and have come SUCH a long way. Just amazing.

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DIANER2014 1/27/2013 12:49PM

    Congratulations! emoticon I'm very happy for you! You've done an awesome job! You look wonderful!

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JENNY160 1/26/2013 7:38PM

    I am so happy for you, and your hard work has paid off! You look awesome, and cold-weather-be-damned, you have a right for cuddlin after the sweatin' (and for those of you who think that was a dirty thing to say, read her blog--it's a weather and exercise reference! Really people, minds out of the gutter, ok?)

Comment edited on: 1/26/2013 7:38:32 PM

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WRITINGBLUEHAWK 1/26/2013 3:26PM

    Good for you! You look fabulous.

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JOANNHUNT 1/26/2013 2:40PM

    The POWER is within you. You will succeed. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GRAMPIAN 1/26/2013 10:18AM

  Wonderful!

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NEWMOM20121 1/26/2013 9:27AM

    Well done. You look amazing (in all the pictures).

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FERFEY02 1/26/2013 7:28AM

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BLUEJEAN99 1/26/2013 1:58AM

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JAMER123 1/25/2013 11:30PM

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You are an inspiration to many people. Keep up your great work & attitude!!

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DAWNSINGS9 1/25/2013 11:02PM

    I love the way you write! Your story inspires me. Thank you for sharing it with us!

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1MYSTERY_LADY 1/25/2013 10:40PM

    emoticon

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LIBBYL1 1/25/2013 10:04PM

  love this! Thanks...

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SJKENT1 1/25/2013 9:57PM

    way to go!!! you look fantastic

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MARYJEANSL 1/25/2013 9:37PM

  You look just great! I always enjoy seeing the before and after pics people have, because they are very motivating to me. Keep up the good work, and be very proud of yourself!

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IAMAGEMLOVER 1/25/2013 8:46PM

    emoticon Who look fabularous darlin' emoticon

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SCOUTMOM715 1/25/2013 8:42PM

    Love this blog!! You look fantastic!! emoticon

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HEART4HOME 1/25/2013 8:41PM

    Way to go. Thanks so much for sharing your journey. Love your confidence. Your hard work has paid off. Well done!

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LILSHINE 1/25/2013 8:10PM

    First lol at the dimples cute. Absolutely love the blog post. You are starting to accept that you're really awesome and you're doing this! Go for it and keep seeing into that mirror a beautiful woman continues to emerge.

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NEWTINK 1/25/2013 7:43PM

    You look amazing emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KBRADFORD88 1/25/2013 6:33PM

    you are rocking it. Hope you feel as beautiful on the inside. Best wishes emoticon

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A_NEW_JAN 1/25/2013 6:13PM

    Good work!

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ALIDOSHA 1/25/2013 4:40PM

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CJYOUCANDOIT 1/25/2013 4:40PM

    You are inspiring and amazing! Thank you for sharing your story. You give us hope and strength to keep working at it. Congratulations!
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PAPER_WINGS18 1/25/2013 4:08PM

    Awesome blog, girl! Love it. I love that you are seeing YOU for who you really are- with all your hard work paying off! I am down ~40 pounds, but I still see myself as 249 pounds.. It's hard to break the "fat girl" mentality- not seeing ourselves as our starting weights. So I am proud of you for breaking through that and seeing how strong, fit, and even more beautiful you have become! :D

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PATRICIAANN46 1/25/2013 3:04PM

  What a wonderful job you have done............ emoticon

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KARRENLYNN 1/25/2013 2:52PM

    You look great and your success is well deserved!

Karen emoticon

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JIBBIE49 1/25/2013 2:51PM

    Great to see you featured in the Spark Mail. What an honor.

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NOMOEXCUSES13 1/25/2013 2:35PM

    You look amazing! You have worked so hard and the results are amazing! Keep rocking it! You my dear are AWESOMESAUCE!!!!

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EBIELOU 1/25/2013 2:07PM

    Amazing transformation and changE! Keep up the FANTASTIC work!

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DIANNEMT 1/25/2013 1:39PM

    Congrats!!

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NASFKAB 1/25/2013 1:23PM

  keep it up

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