Thursday, January 24, 2013
I finally made the decision to register for a half marathon in May. Unfortunately, it has become all too apparent that when I click that registration button, I will also be filing divorce papers at the same time. The line has been drawn in the sand.
My husband has never been a supporter of my running. He went to two races, making sure I knew he didn't want to. He doesn't run, doesn't "do" running and has no interest. I respect that. What I don't respect is his unwillingness to support me. I would do anything to support him in any endeavor. I would never make him feel like less of a person for wanting to do something outside of his comfort zone. I would never make him go to his first race--be it 5K or half marathon--alone. This is what I have done.
But tonight--when I told him I have decided to do it, it just became apparent that we are too different. I feel like I have the choice of doing what I want to do, thereby ending the marriage, or doing what he wants me to do. No one should ever have to face that choice.
I've always felt our marriage was a team partnership. I always thought I had a part in our relationship. I no longer feel that way. I feel like it's his way or nothing. I'm afraid to speak up for myself because he just gets angry and defensive. So...we just don't talk.
I'm tired, I'm grumpy and I don't know what to do. Do I follow my dreams or do I settle? I wish I knew.