Thursday, January 24, 2013
I'm having a bit of an a-ha! moment and am writing a game plan for the year.
How to Deal in 2013:
Career: I've just had my 6-year anniversary at my job. I love what I do, but I was getting burnt out. To deal with that, I'm starting to regularly volunteer with a non-profit that teaches people with barriers to employment how to bake, paying it forward.
Home: My fiance and I are preparing to build a house, finalizing the blueprints as soon as this week. We could be in our new home within 6 months. We've been engaged for a little over a year, and will likely elope this year. I'm ready to start planting gardens and hosting potlucks, sinking my feet into our homestead.
Money: Mint.com. Have you heard of this site? I'm a huge proponent of it, having only joined this month. I work a great job and make a decent amount of money, but I've felt cash-strapped lately. This budgeting tool is helping me keep more of my money and direct it towards a few goals -- specifically setting up a more significant Emergency Fund and paying off a little debt. It has been eye-opening to do this. l am less anxious about my bank account, truly stop and consider whether I want or need something before buying, and enjoy the things I do spend money on even more.
Transitioning off of a horrible anti-anxiety medication with the help of my psychiatrist. I may still need anti-anxiety drugs at some point, but it's agreed that the particular medication is not good in the long run, especially for women who may one day want to be pregnant. Don't worry Sparkers, I'm doing this in a healthy way and under a doctor's supervision, but yes, it has been a difficult process already. I am doing my best to be gentle with myself and recognize that I am going through a withdrawal process. I'm focusing on getting good sleep, good food, and good exercise to help keep my emotions under control.
Which leads me to derby. I have been in a bitter funk since the draft. It's been about 6 weeks since, and I'm feeling a lot better about the way things turned out. Maybe I'm just synthesizing happiness (I just heard a TED talk about this phenomenon), but I think that not being on the league is a lot better for me. I can continue to treat myself as an athlete, even if only in the rec league. I won't have to sacrifice my time, my body, and my sanity to a large group of organized and opinionated women. A lot of veteran and retired skaters have told me that I'm better off staying in rec: "You'll have more fun, no drama, and more play-time in scrimmages." I want to be able to play a sport and feel good about myself, and I think that my mental health wouldn't tolerate the league BS very long. It's good to be this self-aware, right? Or am I just telling myself this to minimize the hurt feelings? Either way...I'm going to enjoy my physical health now that I've got it. Keep riding my bike, keep skating (for fun!) with derby and on the street, keep on boxing, bodyrocking (a ridiculous class at my gym), and TRXing. I can do it for myself though, and not to please a captain or teammate. I think by the end of this year I'll not only be healthier than I am now, but I'll also be a lot stronger. And probably a better derby player.
Someone asked me the other day to describe my emotional state. I said "I'm ON IT!", as in, I'm getting sh!t done. I'm making lists and crossing things off, taking care of business. I'm making myself proud.