I have been feeling poorly physically and mentally these last two weeks. I have still been here, still trying to keep a spark going and having regrets that I am still so heavy and seem to make no progress.

I watched MOSTMOM1 's vlog about how she did last year, and she was saying the same type of things. Except she said something I seldom think of... "the pounds that I lost the year before keep trying to catch up with me and I fight them off". Thank you for saying that, you are the best.

It's a tough job to fight off the ones already lost, and lose the rest without plateaus, and set backs. So I had decided not to focus on trying to lose but just keep going and weather this storm. Until today,
I am organizing parts of the house, today it's...the hall closet. I found a loose picture....


This was in 1994, I was probably 230lbs I wouldn't really know because I totally avoided all scales. The shorts are a size 24. I would not have even been in the picture if I suspected that my DH was getting me in too. I thought he was just taking a picture of a 2 year old having a fit because I wouldn't pick her up while cooking at the stove. I had my 5th child earlier in the year and had not lost weight between the last 3. I maintained this weight for 6 years or so.

I am not so proud of this picture either, my vest is puffy and helps me look fatter, and I am wearing jeans, but here is today.

I am currently a size 16 ladies not W. I weigh 174. Since joining sparks I have lost 20, but I have regained 4. But if I was 230, then yes I have lost 56 lbs. Now I just need to keep going because to stop now is not where I want to be either. I really want to hit that goal of 110-120. I am only 5' tall, my bones are small, I want to be a healthy weight.

The plan is to get back on the workout plan tomorrow, I have done some exercise today and the rash on my legs is not as painful so back to P90! Track and stay within my calorie range, drink the water, and PLAY-have fun, go outside, walk at the mall in the morning, hula hoop, bosu ball, do things that make me a fun mom and a happier me.





And most of all.... I am going to reward myself with something that can help me. I am going to buy a fitbit one for ME. I bought one for my husband and he is loving it and doing great. I am jealous!