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Thursday, January 24, 2013

Thanks again for all the comments on my last blog. Depression can be a hard thing to explain, and people who suffer from chronic depression don't always get empathy or understanding. It really isn't a problem with being lazy or something you can just shove down deep inside you and slap a smile on your face. It's almost like a poison...if you let it sit inside you, it will eventually make you even sicker, but if you can let it out, you'll have a better chance at recovering.

Mentally I am in a better place than I have been the last few weeks. Maybe not necessarily positive, but more of a neutral state where I don't let much get me down, but I'm not happy-go-lucky either. I'm just OK. Which is certainly better than where I was, so for now, we'll go with it and hope the upward trend continues.

I do have a lot of fatigue still hanging around though. I don't think it's necessarily sleep-related. I slept a solid 7 1/2 - 8 hours last night and was pretty awake this morning. It's more of a body fatigue and a mental fog. I'm pushing through it to get my exercise in, but it's taking a herculean effort to even get household chores done at this point. I suspect it's part of the depression, but if it's still around in a month or two of my good exercise/diet routine, I'm making a doctor's appointment. I want to make sure I can walk in there with no excuses and say look, here's evidence I'm eating well and exercising. We need to figure out what is causing this.

So I managed 2 days on the bike this week for about 30 minutes at a time. My right thigh is grumbling a bit, but that may be more due to the strength exercises. I am also doing strength training two days a week for each area. It's actually easier to do it with the weight machines at the Y and give my arms a good workout. I'm doing those after my bike, since I'm already there. I focus on abs and lower body on the off days I'm not at the Y.

I'm going to try to work in some Zumba on the Wii on Saturday while B is at work (no class tonight, dinner with my parents). That'll give me 3 days of cardio this week. Next week, we're going up to four - Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. After that, I'll try for five, but I don't know how consistent I can be.

I'm definitely doing things differently this time. I'm not going full-force with calorie cutting and a 2000 weekly calorie burn right at the start. I think that was probably part of the issue last time with my injuries and burning out so quickly. This time I'm trying to gradually increase exercise minutes and lower calories. The scale is not moving much at this point, but I'm trying not to stress about it. I really want to do this long term and not fall completely off track again.

In non-health news, I've decide to give WoW a chance. I downloaded it last night and am trying out the trial version. I usually go with Runescape because it's cheaper, but I have to admit, WoW has some beautiful graphics.

Have a good day!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Good job getting your exercise in!!

    It's been a long time since I fell in one of those canyon holes, but wow, what an amazing analogy. It's so true. I'm glad you're on your way out of yours; I hope the fatigue is better soon, too.
    1851 days ago
    I'm sorry to hear about your depressive monster rearing it's ugly head. You are right, people have a very hard time understanding sometimes. Even if they want to. To someone who has never dealt with any kind of mental health issue, the "get over it" thing is all they can comprehend.

    I hope you continue to feel better. And great job on still getting some exercise in. That has to feel like the equivalent of moving a mountain.

    Take good care of yourself!

    1854 days ago
    Sorry to hear about your depression. That can definitely be a tough beast to wrangle. Sometimes just being okay is what you need, and hopefully an emotional upswing is on the way for you, especially in light of your fantastic workout plans for the near future.

    When it comes to fatigue - I totally know where you're coming from! In my case, it turns out to be one deficiency or another. The big one was iron, as apparently I have iron deficiency anemia to begin with and is common when you're on a calorie restricted diet. Once I supplemented my diet with lots of spinach, red meat, a one-a-day multivitamin and an extra iron vitamin, I felt much, much better! That took care of about 90% of my fatigue. The other 10% usually stems from not getting enough protein or fats (monounsaturated and polyunsaturated) in my diet. When I'm feeling clunky, I usually have about 3-4 oz of grilled chicken or pork tenderloin before bed and I feel amazing the next morning! Just a though in case it's something you haven't tried.

    Sometimes our ideas of what real "achievements" are can really get us down. Most of the time I want to whine about it, it's because I'm not in the single digit pant sizes, or I've never been on vacation to somewhere exotic or I've never had x amount of dollars in my bank account. In times like those I really forget the great things I've done - the friendships that I've maintained and rely upon, the fact that I made the commitment to become healthier and how much I've achieved there, even if it means having a salad instead of a greasy burger and fries, etc etc. Although smaller and less traditional, those are still accomplishments! Sometimes, even if it's not in our nature, we've got to stop and genuinely pat ourselves on the back for the little things and the distance between us and the dark places we have come from.

    It sounds like you've got a great handle on making improvements an achieving your goals! That's huge! I'm sure that those accomplishments will be yours soon!
    1855 days ago
    WoW was my hole... Be careful with that, I almost lost myself in there and the only accomplishments I had for 3 years were its "Achievements". I loved it and I still do, but I haven't played for 3 years; I know that if I start again, I'll be lost.

    As everything it needs moderation, which I didn't have. If you control it, it's simply an amazing world.

    1855 days ago
  • KELLY19770
    I know you got this! I'm like you, just suddenly starting to *wanting* to do this again. It's amazing how the holidays and winter can just derail everything!
    1855 days ago
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