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    JORDANLHALL   5,769
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Frustrated To The Max

Thursday, January 24, 2013

First of all - sorry I haven't been able to keep up with blogs and comments and such in the past few days! I'll get right on it, I promise! Now I have about ten minutes to scribble a blog entry before going to work, so here goes.

I'm all kinds of frustrated since this weekend. Nothing seems to be going right, really. For one thing, I've been stuck in the 190's since NOVEMBER, and the scale says I gained 0.8 pounds since Tuesday. What the heck? I spend all weekend making bad choices like beer and blueberry turnovers the size of my face, and I stay at my all time low. Two days of healthy, meticulous eating and I gain weight? SERIOUSLY? It's been like this for months! I'm exasperated beyond measure.

I will admit that yes, I've fallen off the exercise wagon in the past few days. I have every intention of getting back on once this schedule disruption ends (birthday brunch here, pre-work meeting there, crazy stuff popping up all over the place!), but even when I spent time on the bike it didn't seem to affect this process of yo-yoing in a three pound range. It makes me wonder what the heck I'm doing wrong. I should be more committed to fitness, yes. But is eating too little calories a problem? Am I too low on fats or protein or too high on carbs? Should I start taking a weight loss supplement thingy like Medifast or Sensa? Are there hormone dairy and meats sneaking in my diet? WHAT IS IT?!

And it doesn't help that I'm feeling equally inept in the lifestyle department. Part of it is because I still haven't managed to get any cleaning done and I feel like I'm sifting through a sty everyday. Another part of it is that I feel like I'm going nowhere in life, spinning my wheels. I'm not making progress on weight loss, I'm still nowhere close to being able to get a new car (which might be a crisis sooner than I expect) or getting my own place, and even though I'm doing some doodling here an there and reading a book on writing novels on my lunch breaks, I don't feel like I've managed to squeeze any time in my days to be productive in things like that. It feels like I have so many aspirations financially, health-wise, literary, etc etc, but when it comes to gaining ground - even just a little bit every day - I'm a failure. It makes me feel so incapable, incompetent. A loser of the bad variety.

*Sigh* And If I've heard it once, I've heard it a million times that I tend to overfill my plate and take on too much at once. That's probably what I'm doing now, worrying about all of this stuff in one big sitting. That's the exact opposite of productive. But I will say that sometimes you have to go off and have a pity party or a session of being dejected and whining so you can get those nasty downer emotions out of the way so you can actually do something about it. So I guess that's what I'm doing here.

I guess the next step is to start addressing the things I'm unhappy with and make a change. First thing's first: Get dressed, go to work, and do an awesome job. Second: Come home and get on that fricking exercise bike NO MATTER WHAT. Repeat tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that. THIRD: Eat 1200 calories of Chipotle, because it will make me feel better and will probably make me lose weight, considering who fickle the scale is being.

Nothing to do but get out there and make the hard sacrifices necessary to get what I want, emphasis on the hard. I didn't come this far just to fizzle out now. Sometimes I've got to remind myself that, even if I only lose one pound total for the month of January, it's still a victory even if it's not as big of a win as I want. It's not about getting my head back in the game, it's about outgrowing the pee-wees and facing the challenges of the big leagues.

Work. Chipotle. More Work. Bike. I can and will do it!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ATTACKFATCAT 1/24/2013 5:17PM

    I agree with EBERKSHIRE86 that it may just be that the few days of junk are taking a while to show up on the scale as your body takes the time to digest and process all of that food.

I had this moment last week. I hate where I am at with weight loss, career, home, distance from my boyfriend...and I had a big moment of anxiety where it all piled on me.

I'm 100% behind the "I need a pity party" every now and then. We all deserve to have an adult temper tantrum every once in a while. I had mine...an all out bawling and wailing session where I just put out everything that was bugging me. Of course, only the cats heard it, but at least they tried to give me comfort by meowing and trying to sniff my face. We all need to get it out every once in a while. Life can just plain suck sometimes and if we stuff all those emotions down they fester and take even longer to get rid of. So get it all out!

Then write down a list of things that are bugging you. Put them in two categories "Things I can control" and "Things I can't control". You can't control the scale, but you can control how you eat & exercise. You can't control when your current car breaks down, but you can control saving up money for repairs or a new car. Stuff like that. Take that "Can't Control" list and put it away. Then put those away in your mind. Worrying so much about the "can't control" part has got you so exhausted you can't focus on the "can control" stuff.

With the "can control" list, list in priority. Start with #1 and write down something you can do today, this week, or next week to move that along. Once that's accomplished, go to the next item. Rome wasn't built in a day, and when you are in a spiral of negativity, it's an all or nothing mentality. I live it every day and I have to fight that battle myself.

Do what you need to do to get through today, and set some new goals for tomorrow. And we're here for the pity parties as well as the good times

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DEEZILE 1/24/2013 5:00PM

    As long as your in the game, you can win. Make the necessary changes in your eating habits and ride the horse to a healthier lifestyle. We are in this together. Don't get to upset with the scale. Your weight goes up and down during the day. The tape measure never lies. Put a plan together and try your best to stick to it. If you slip and fall, pick yourself up and continue on. emoticon

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EBERKSHIRE86 1/24/2013 4:49PM

    The weekend splurging might take a few days to show on the scale so if you weigh in monday morning and you haven't gained but then two days later you see that .8 increase its probably not a reflection of your healthy eating but of the weekend binging. Also try gauging your progress in other ways if your consistently working out and staying within ranges food wise but not seeing progress on the scale maybe your lossing inches instead do your clothes fit better do you feel better do you have more energy all these things are reflections of your work not just the number on the scale. But the other thing to consider is that if what your doing doesn't work change it are you staying within ALL your ranges or just calories? There is a big difference between 100 calories of fruit and 100 calories worth of junk try paying more attention to your fats/carbs/protiens see if balancing that out more will help you see a move on the scale. Try a new workout, interval workouts are famous for torching calories maybe you just need to mix up your routine. Stick with it!

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CAGMUAHFO2 1/24/2013 3:01PM

    I completely understand how you feel. I feel like I'm in a "life rut" too. I have all these goals and dreams but no matter what I do I'm it seems like I'm not making any progress on them.

Keep your head up and emoticon It may take some time but things do get better.

Hope you have a great day at work!!

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