Thursday, January 24, 2013
Here I am, back at Sparkpeople after about a year of inconsistent activity. Since my last blog post, I've had a real hard year, and an especially rough 6 months. Without getting into it, my hormone levels have been all over the place - which, coupled with no exercise for the past 4 months, has done a real number on my body. My weight is now at a 10-year high, 144, and though my hormone levels have gone down, my weight seems to be stuck there.
I haven't had this much weight to lose in a very long time. And, though I know I did it before, it's a lot like starting again for the first time.
The first part is getting my perspective in check. Get my head right & stop playing the victim role. I have to put the last crappy year in the past & not let it effect me any more. Count my blessings. Work is going well. I am happily married. I joined a gym closer to home. I have made active travel plans. And, I have the means to eat healthfully as often as I wish.
The hard part, so far, is getting out of my bad routine. Bad is (was), not tracking, spending too much time on the couch, avoiding the gym AND avoiding running. Letting every excuse keep me from exercising ("I'm tired, it's too cold, it's not safe, I'll go tomorrow, I'll get up early, I'm hungry, I'm going to stop at home first, I need to do some shopping, I need to relax.")
I need to get out of this bad pattern. And I have a recollection of what my good pattern was like. I used to sign up for races. Set goals, then set a training program that I could not deviate from. When I was real tired, or just not in the mood - I would GO ANYWAY. I would just SHOW UP with an intent of working out just 20 mins. And that would inevitably stretch out to longer.
Back when I last lost a lot of weight, I did not lie to myself. I weighed in every week. I wrote down EVERYTHING, and I ended up with at least a 500 cal differential everyday. That is hard to do. I want to think that just eating a salad instead of a sandwich will do the trick. But, it's not that simple. It is tough stuff until the weight is off and you can maintain.
I have to commit to MONTHS of weight loss. Not a weekend, or a day, or a week here and there. I need to think of it as MONTHS of exercise, PLUS eating lightly, and better. No exceptions. Less bread, more Veg.
I wish I had someone to kick my butt right now. But, I've realized I can't rely on anyone to be my gym buddy, anyone to drag me there, anyone to tell me I look too big or take my plate away. It's a blessing that everyone has been so kind to me in these past 6 difficult months. But, I shouldn't follow suit. I need to be harder on myself. And, I need to make it an urgent matter -- not wait for some sign, or a calamity, or a slap to my face to change me. Only I can change me, and I need to change me now.