Thursday, January 24, 2013
I'm having a rough day today. This year has been one trial after another for me already, and I'm feeling very overwhelmed by it all today.
The year started out with one heck of a virus that knocked me on my backside for nearly two weeks. Heck of a way to start the new year, with a third of my sick days from work being used up in the first week of work. And then recovering from that, the lactose intolerance thing kicked into high gear and kicked my backside repeatedly and severely until I got to the point where I was afraid to eat ANYTHING in case it caused a reaction.
The good news is that I'm finally starting to see the end of the lingering symptoms from that nasty virus. Still a bit of chest congestion, but at least I can work out in the morning again. Two weeks with no work outs did NOT help my weight loss goals. I bounced back up a pound or two. I'm trying not to beat myself up about that, and most of the time I'm ok...but every now and then, when I'm feeling down, a few punches manage to make their way through to my self esteem.
I'm also starting to get the hang of this lactose avoidance thing. It's been HARD!! I love cheese and yogurt and ice cream, and sometimes I just want to sit and cry when I realize that the things I loved so much are now forbidden. Yeah yeah, I know there are alternatives, but no matter what anyone says, they're NOT the same. They have different tastes and different textures, and I'm having a hard time adjusting to those differences. I'm having to completely change how I eat and how I cook, and my family is being forced to do the same.
You have no idea how hard it is to listen to them talk about going to Dairy Queen to get Blizzards...
Because I'm having to learn how to eat all over again, I'm back tracking (or trying to track) my meals. I do NOT like tracking. It spoils my enjoyment of what I'm eating. Before, I had my breakfast, lunch and snacks more or less figured out, and the only thing that varied much in the calorie department was my dinner. My focus for dinner was just making healthy choices. I didn't need to track to know that most of the time I was within my calorie range. Now I'm having to try new foods and new combinations of foods, so I'm having to track to try and get an idea of where I end up calorie-wise.
And because I'm tracking again, I know that I'm going WAY over my calorie range most days. It's difficult for me to get enough protein without having dairy. This results in very strong cravings, and since I don't believe that completely ignoring cravings is a good thing, and since most of the easy sources of protein that I had in the house were higher in calories, it has put my calorie count way up there. I've been trying to add in other forms of protein, but as I said, I'm having trouble adjusting to the different tastes and textures.
Last night was a prime example, and part of the reason I'm having such a rough day today. I ate very well all day. I was within my calorie range, but my protein was a bit low. By bed time, I was craving protein so badly that I couldn't fall asleep. So I got up and made a couple of hard boiled eggs, with the intention of eating one that night and having the rest for snacks the next couple of days. Once I ate one, I couldn't stop though. My body shut my mind off as soon as I gave it what it wanted, and I ate all the eggs I had boiled. I ended up significantly over my calorie range and with an upset tummy from eating so much right before bed. I slept horribly because of it, and then had to make the decision this morning when my alarm went off whether it was better to get an extra 45 min of sleep or get up and exercise. Either decision tends to result in a slightly off day.
I know it's just me being whiny, but I want everything to go back to the way it was. I want things to be easy again.