It's been quite an up and down kind of week here. Following my size-14 victory on Sunday and triumphant 5 mile finish on Saturday and Monday I've been kicking the CRAP out of my goals. I've been well within my calorie ranges each day this week in spite of yesterday being 'food day' at work. More importantly, I have shut the voice up inside of my head that tells me that I don't have time to exercise. I've gone to the gym both Tuesday night and Wednesday night after work and got it done. More importantly, I'm feeling pretty darn good. I feel energized, focused, and dare I say healthy.
The downs this week? Well, eating an entire box of Skinny Cow Fudge bars and calling it dinner.. Then there was the whole fear of the treadmill thing. You see, with it being so darn cold here I Can't get my miles in outside. No way! So, I decided in true stubborn fashion that I'd just conquer my fear: I'd run on a treadmill. Now, I don't know what it is that completely terrifies me about the treadmill - but I can think of a few things that are moderately scary. First, I like running outside because, frankly, I run really funny. I'm uncoordinated. Chances are that if someone sees me running it's only for a little while and then I'm gone. No big deal. On a treadmill? I'm there for everyone to gawk at. Second, and still in line with the uncoordinated theme, I am genuinely concerned that I will lose my balance and fall off. Yeah, I think it's a strange blend of social anxiety and fear of physical harm that keep me from running on those little rubber rolling mats.
Finally, the coup de grāce this morning was an extra 2lbs magically appearing.
Now, before everyone reminds me of what I wrote yesterday I will remind myself: It's not about what the scale says from day to day - it's about trends.
But my goodness, 2 pounds?
Trust the Training. I have to trust that I'm doing everything I can to make my body healthier and stronger. Usually I read this phrase in relationship to people who are preparing for races - trust that the training plan has taken you far enough. Trust that days of rest are necessary. Trust. I'm going to trust the training.
What I had originally wanted to write about today was a conversation I had with a coworker. She asked me a very pointed question: What do you feel has made you successful?
I'll admit it, I feel like I've been very successful and will continue to be that way. I currently wear the same size pants I did in high school (though, I think from what I read pants sizes have gotten a bit bigger since 1999) and I'm doing things I never would have dreamed I could have.
So, how'd I get here?
First thing I'm sure of: Wanting to be thin is not going to be enough for me to change my lifestyle habits. If it was that simple, I wouldn't weigh what I did or do now.
Second thing I'm sure of: Going public is the best thing you can do. It's not about the 'humiliation.' No, I believe if I felt 'humiliated' to say what I weighed then I wouldn't like myself enough to do the work that needed to be done. No, going public has unleashed such a wave of support from both close and distant friends alike. I don't even think I can adequately articulate just how much -love- has come my way by being open about my journey
Third thing I'm sure of: Without having a goal that is not weight or size related I never would be where I am. If this whole thing had been about watching the scale move or my clothes loosen up I would have given up three months ago when the scale stopped moving and my clothes fit just fine. What was my goal? To run the Pittsburgh Great Race 5K. I signed up. I paid. I committed. Now I can't stop looking to do more.
Fourth thing I'm sure of: When you find what works for you, whatever it is, ask yourself if it is something you can and will do for the rest of your life. If it's not? Well, then it doesn't work for you.
A week or so ago I posted a very unflattering race photo as proof of what I look like after I conquer a hill. Well, now I have video proof of how much the girl ahead of me should have feared for her life. Start watching at clock-time 1:01 (video time around 26:00 or so..)