Wednesday, January 23, 2013
I say I'm motivated, but then I don't BEHAVE like I'm motivated.
I think I'll have to speak to my shrink about this; I don't know why, but there's like this internal block that stops me from doing what I set out to do. I know it's me stopping myself. I just don't know why or how to get over it. Anyone else feel this way?
This week was okay. Not great, not horrific. I managed to lose 400g of the 500g I gained in the previous week. So that was a nice achievement.
We've started taking the dogs for walks in the evening once it's cooled down, it tires them out before bedtime and it gives me an extra chance to beef up my exercise for the day. Sometimes it's only 2.5km but other days it's 4kms depending on how cooperative the dogs are. Last night we got 500m in and the pug just stopped dead and refused to budge. So we turned around and went home. It was disappointing but he was tired, and I guess it's a miracle when he lasts the whole 4kms..
I've got a 5 day weekend starting tomorrow, I'm spending it at home, tidying up the house (maybe cleaning out the fridge..) and also finishing some assignments for a course I'm doing through work. I'm also going to start mapping out a weekly food plan and break it down into recipes and shopping lists. It's as much for my health as it is for our finances and budgeting.
This last week has been horrible in the mornings. I've been so tired at night and getting dodgy sleep (I think because we're still adjusting to having the dogs back) that I'm struggling to get up on time, so we end up in a mad dash out the door without having any sort of breakfast. Then I get to work and it's all about coffee and a croissant - high in calories, high in fat, all sorts of badness.
I think I'm going to do the challenge through my gym. I need the motivation and I need it to be in front of me, with a live person, and I think having to 'report' to someone weekly for food coaching and then having a personal trainer each week, it will add that extra bit of accountability where I don't want to let them down.
Funny how I'm more motivated by letting down a PT or Food Coach rather than myself.
Hubby and I have also been told that with my copious medical issues, and my impending 26th birthday, we need to seriously decide on whether we want kids or not. If we do, then I need to have another surgery on my ovaries, and then we need to start thinking about pre-natal vitamins, charting, temperatures, etc but it could take up to 10+ years for anything to eventuate or IVF could become involved.. either way it's another reason why I'd need to lose weight. Obviously being overweight hinders the process, and being pre-diabetic, pregnancy could push it into gestational diabetes and I could become insulin dependent and all this shiznit.
It's scary. We don't even know 100% if we want kids. We're kind of happy either way, it's not the be-all and end-all, but at the same time we're struggling to say 'No, not know' out of fear that if we're not pro-active about any of this, then we might miss the boat entirely.
I feel like everything rests on me, and my broken down body, to sort everything out.
It's a lot to digest. I'm a bit overwhelmed. I'm a lot overwhelmed.
Hope this week has been kind to everyone else.
Also, happy Australia day to my fellow Aussie friends :)