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insane basketball game

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

I've been falling off the wagon, self sabotaging, but this is not a blog about falling, it's about jumping back as soon as possible. I want to get back in a healthy groove.

As I've been observing the different parts of my mind at work, I've noticed there are 3 main players: the rebel, judge and victim. And it's like watching an insane basketball game, when the ball is passed between players, and whoever has the ball is the focus of my attention. The victim is the star player, and wants to be right, wants to say: I told you so, I can't win, the odds are against me, I'm hopeless and helpless. The victim, in order to be right, passes the ball to the rebel, who sabotages my weight loss efforts with thoughts of deprivation, cravings, and overeating. The rebel passes to the judge, who blames the rebel and then the victim, and the victim dunks the ball and gets the so-called satisfaction of being right.

I want lower the volume on the cast of characters; don't believe their points of view; lower the volume; tame my mind, and get back to thinking clearly. It's hard when the game gets going it has it's own momentum. I have to blow the whistle and send the team to the showers.

I start by observing that this is going on. Then focusing my attention on what's real and physical, and not mental. (more to come)


Going to Spin class after work today.

Minutes this week, running total:
Cardio: 150
Strength: 140
In calorie range:
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  • LE7_1234
    The analogy that seems to work best for me is The Committee. I have a whole series of "Inner Me"s on the committee--Inner Child, Inner Teenager, Inner Mom, Inner Beancounter, and so on. The "meetings" tend to go best when the "real" me, the evolving me, takes over the meetings. I can't ignore any other committee member, but I do have to take the time to understand their real agenda. Once I do, it's easier to find an action my current me can take that suits us all, as it were.

    If your basketball analogy seems to work best for you, I wonder if you could recruit a few more players? Players who could, for instance, co-opt the rebel into making you a stunning success story against all odds? Maybe you need to pull the judge off the team, and retrain her as ref? Yes, there might be times when the players on *your* team commit a foul, but sometimes life throws you a foul, too, ya know? Get that inner judge working on when to cut yourself some slack instead of saying you''re too slack... The victim may need validation--someone to acknowledge the rough patches you've been through, without allowing that inner victim to melt into a puddle of self pity. Hmmmm. Maybe what you need is a coach for your team?

    "I want lower the volume on the cast of characters; don't believe their points of view;"
    Lowering the volume is fine, but I'd be careful about not believing their points of view. You have these characters for a reason. If you try suppressing or ignoring them, you're likely to see them come back stronger. You can believe and understand the points of view without believing that they're telling the whole story.
    1882 days ago
  • CARRIE1948
    Interesting analogy
    1884 days ago
    Take it a day at a time and work on small goals. When you reach one go for another until you can get back on track full time. Small victories build confidence.
    1885 days ago
    1885 days ago
    Ah, this was a great way of describing that mental struggle! My rebel is so powerful that I can't even let myself think the words "I want to go on a diet" without backlashing, so I sympathize. Maybe the trick is recruiting a whole new kind of player... or maybe it's just changing the game altogether?
    1885 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1885 days ago
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