Wednesday, January 23, 2013
I have a great streak going here!
I have not had a binge in 15 days. I had been having them every 5 days always going 800 or more calories over my top number in my range. This was really getting to me. I had a period before that I did well without them, so I knew I could do it again.
I am doing a reward system to keep me on a streak. I give myself a dollar each day I stay on track and a bonus of $5 for each 10 days. (I'm also doing the dollar per workout, though not trying for a daily streak.) Money has a way of really motivating me.
Settling on what to spend it on is proving to be a challenge in itself. I don't know if I want to enjoy little things, spending it as I go, or save for something bigger like major equipment. Clothes are in the medium price range. Craft magazines and supplies are a strong possibility. I'm not into mani or pedis. My husband is willing to pay for hair appointments anyway so that's no fun. But the craft mags that I love are about $15 each so that's why I keep going back to that...i wouldn't spend my husbands money on those.
Sure, I've had a nice streak going...but last night I faced a major challenge.... and was victorious! For the first time since I started my streak, I had a strong urge to give in to a binge on sweets. I haven't had sweets this whole time, which is a miracle in itself, and last night I had one of my hubby's brownies. It was within my range for the day, but after getting that gooey sweet chocolate in my mouth OOOH I wanted more! I decided not and found myself staring into the pantry...no good could come of that. Decided NOT to give in to a binge.
I pulled away, but quickly lost track of my decision to not binge and moved on to the fridge. I saw the gumdrop white fudge box, which is hidden under the bean dip, but remembered it was there, though I NEVER think about it. OH I can have ONE piece. But I remembered how enticing it is to eat it and how I've never eaten just one piece. So I backed away from the fridge. I recognized that I was needing to replace my sweet craving with doing something I enjoy.
So, in victory, I removed myself from the fridge and sat down with a magazine I enjoy. Read for a while and finished the mag. Picked up my book that I've really gotten into and got distracted by my hubby's tv show. I started talking to him about something I did that day that stressed me out and I didn't handle the best. He didn't encourage me but told me how I should've handled it. The negative is all I heard, but today when I look back at it he was probably in his own way trying to say I know you could have handled it better. meaning he was confident in my ability. I had taken it negatively and got angry inside and felt like running to the kitchen for that fudge or something equally destructive.
But I remembered the 2 pounds I had misplaced when I looked at the scale that morning and decided my anger would have to leave me a different way. He came to the couch with a bag of chips and offered me some. They are yummy and I love them, but I stubbornly said no. Usually I'm able to eat just two or three and I'm satisfied, but I was rejecting him rather than the chips and refused them.
I decided to calm down. The anger passed in 5 minutes, as did the urge to binge. If you wait a couple of minutes any negative mood you have will dissolve if you let it and don't nurse it. After a while, I got up and made two pieces of wheat toast with sugar free jam; I needed a few more carbs and calories for the day, and satisfied the sweet urge. Later I had a sugar free dulce de leche pudding. Still a sweet but all within my calorie range. I had decided I was clearly past the urge to binge before I had these two snacks, and I didn't want to set myself up for a binge today by total denial of food.
I went to bed victorious and knew that a restful sleep would reset my brain and get me off to a fresh start without anger and cravings. I had forgiven my husband and realized he meant no harm.
Today I had a couple of more victories! I was a little hungry by 10:00 this morning when I was out shopping. I drove past Chick-fil-a and thought about how I could have a chicken biscuit. I'm never by a Chick-fil-a in the morning and I love their chicken biscuits. I decided no, I can wait till lunch when I get home and have a healthier choice. Victory #1 for the day. YAY!
When I ended up at Walmart for a few groceries, I walked past pink, red and white m&ms and thought about all the yummy cookies I could bake with them as gifts. I thought about the crunchy shell and the sweet chocolate and realized I was fantasizing over having them as a little snack, but recognizing they would become a binge food. I decided to put it off, Valentines day is a ways off and there's plenty of time left to buy them. I love the holiday colored M&Ms. But for now I turned it into a victory!
When I was walking by the freezers, I suddenly remembered the Special K sausage egg and cheese flatbreads I have at home that I haven't tried yet. What a great replacement for the chicken biscuit I had wanted. I decided to try that for lunch when I got home. I got out of the store without any sweets and stuck to my list. Which is a hard thing to do when you go food shopping with a bit of hungriness.
I got home at 11 and had my flatbread. They are actually quite good and I was satisfied. They have turkey sausage and wheat flatbread. They are 240 calories. Better than mcDonald's sausage egg and cheese biscuit. I thought I'd miss the biscuit, but the flatbread was satisfying. YAY another Victory.
One victory builds on another. I'm looking forward to making this my 16th day of staying within calorie range.