Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Today I saw number I haven't seen in a while, a seven. As in 276, as in .. I've lost 4 pounds, as in ... I've finally broken my 280 plateau. This morning when I woke up, I had to pull my pj bottoms up as they had fallen down my hips where they're normally held up by my belly which over the last few weeks has been shrinking. All of me looks like it has been shrinking, in subtle ways. My thighs look leaner, my butt looks ever so slightly smaller, and higher. These small, subtle changes were things which seemed like lies I told myself to feel better since the scale wasn't budging. I actually stepped on the scale and off the scale three times this morning because I thought maybe I was standing on it wrong, my eyes were playing tricks on me, or it wasn't properly level, or ... something.
It just seemed strange. Nothing for two weeks and then four pounds just .. gone. But there you have it I guess. Good things come to those who umm.. wait? This whole process of losing weight sometimes feels like it is magic. We tell ourselves it's a simple equation of calories in and calories out, and eatting more healthy and exercising more, but to me it feels like there has to be more to it then that. Otherwise how do you explain my ex boyfriend who was tall and skinny as a rail who never worked out and ate enough food for three linebackers never gaining an ounce, where as I ate fresh veggies and fruit, tried to be active and was still tipping the scales entirely too close to three hundred pounds? Some of it has to be magic, or different body chemistry.
The other really insane thing about losing 4 pounds? Yesterday I had a burger and fries from mcdonalds that I am pretty sure was close to my entire days worth of calories. For some reason I can not explain I was just craving red meat. I craved that hamburger so bad... that as I was eating it, I didn't even feel guilty. It felt like the best thing I had ever eaten.
I should feel guilty .. but I don't. I feel balanced and healthy, and happy with myself because for the first time in a long time, I -heard- what my body wanted. I know I sound a bit nuts, but years ago, when I wasn't this unhealthy, I use to know what my body wanted. I knew when I was full. I knew whether I wanted to eat sweets, or I wanted an extra helping of broccoli with dinner. I knew what my body craved, I knew how to set limits, and when to indulge. And yesterday, for the first time in months, I -heard- my body speak to me again.
I am sure this just sounds like justification, but to me it made me feel more committed than ever to stay with Spark People. Because whatever -this- is, it is working.
Must be my lucky number seven.