Day 16... It's all in my head
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
When I started here on Spark, I let the system set my weight loss time line for me. I got a TON of calories and it was hard to eat all of them. So, I decided to change my goals to be more aggressive. It really felt like I had too many calories before. I was under almost every day. So, it seemed very reasonable that adjusting my goal to lose the weight faster would be easy.
Now the top end of my range is about where I was eating before making the adjustment, but it feels harder. Before, my range was 1750 to 2000 or something like that and now it's 1230 to 1580. I think I adjusted too much. I am not any hungrier than I was before, but I feel a mental compulsion to stuff my face.
I was sitting in the bathtub the other night and realized that if I follow the new plan, I'll need to lose 75 pounds by June to be on goal. That seems impossible to me. It seems like I can't even come close to that, so why even try. Once that thought ran through my mind, the urge to binge came right back with full force.
But I know... it's all my head. Spark wouldn't let me set that goal if it wasn't healthy. I am eating plenty of food each day, but knowing that there's this limit out there is driving me nuts. I feel like I shouldn't be eating at the top of my range. I feel like it's wrong to consume all my calories for a given day.
As I'm writing all this, I wonder what's wrong in my head that I feel this way? Why don't I believe I can succeed? Why do limits make me feel like I'm trapped?
All this being said, I am going to adjust my goals again to be somewhere in the middle of what's driving me nuts now and what was too much food before.