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    PIXIE-LICIOUS   133,329
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Sometimes I Feel Insecure

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Wednesday, January 23, 2013



Today is day 26 of my current streak! (Previous streaks; 290 days and 13 days.)

There are only 55 days until the first day of Spring! I have a certain t shirt that I am hoping to fit into by then. Its hanging on the outside of my closet door, so I see it every day to remind me to keep working hard.

On February first, I'm going to have hubby take front and side pictures of me. I'm pretty nervous about that, because to be honest, I don't think there will be much difference since my last set of front and side photos were taken last August. I haven't weighed myself since September 3rd, but I just don't feel like I've lost much weight since then.

The reason I don't weigh myself is that I know my weakness, and that weakness is this; if I weigh myself and have a bad result, I know I will be tempted to comfort myself with food. If I weigh myself and have a good result, I'd be tempted to reward myself with food. This has always been the way I've reacted to the scale in the past, and although I'd like to think that I'm stronger now and would NOT turn to food...well, I just don't want to tempt fate! So for me, staying off the scale and just looking for NSV's (Non-Scale Victories) seems to work best.

I am working so hard to lose this weight. I focus every day on eating as healthy as I possibly can. I've almost completely eliminated processed foods from my daily diet. I eat between 1200 and 1500 calories a day. I workout, and I try to do different things. I still do my DDP Yoga every day, but recently I traded in my cardio kickboxing workout for Zumba instead. I do all the little things, like parking further away when I go shopping, and dancing while I do housework. But I just don't feel like I've lost much weight since September.

My body has firmed up in some areas, though. I have (slightly) visible calf muscles. My thighs, buns and waist are firmer. And I definitely have become stronger, more flexible and more energetic. I feel healthier than I have in years!



But I'm also feeling insecure. When I post my new front and side pictures on February first, will people be let down that I'm not thin yet? And when I weigh myself on March first, what will people think of me if I haven't lost much weight since my September weigh in?

Since I started my journey last March, I've shared it here in my blogs and I've gotten so much support and encouragement, and it has meant the world to me. So I know I don't HAVE to post pictures or weigh in results....but I want to. Good or bad, I want to be honest.

If I don't like the way I look in my upcoming February 1st pictures, or what the results of my March 1st weigh in will be, I will be disappointed. But I won't be disappointed in MYSELF, because I can honestly say that I have been doing my best. And with God's help, I will keep on trying, and trying, and trying. I know I will reach my goal eventually, as long as I never give up on myself.


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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOYFULMOMTO5 1/24/2013 8:24AM

    I totally relate. However, this journey isn't about a number on the scale, a shirt or pants size, or what a picture reveals....it's how it's transforming you & sometimes the camera just can't reveal that! So hold your head high & be proud of all you've accomplished. You are choosing life for your body! So keep up the GREAT work!!!

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MOMMY445 1/24/2013 8:11AM

    you will definitely be victorious,Pixie! have an amazing day!

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NEWCHINELO 1/24/2013 8:07AM

    Pixie,you will come out victorious!

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CICELY360 1/24/2013 8:06AM

  good blog

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BARBARAROSE54 1/24/2013 7:50AM

    Keep doing your NSV. I made the mistake of not believing the loss of 75 lbs because I could not see it in the mirror. I would love to have that person back again.

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LIFETIMER54 1/24/2013 7:30AM

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RESTORETOSANITY 1/24/2013 7:28AM

  Slower can be better :)

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LRSILVER 1/24/2013 4:55AM

    You are changing. How long it takes does not matter. Just keep pushing.

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AMANDACOETZER 1/24/2013 4:31AM

    Good luck, I know that all of us, who read your blogs, will support you no matter what the scale says!!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 1/24/2013 4:24AM

    you are doing great love.so i wouldn´t worry about the photos.can´t wait to see the photos i know there will be a diferance.hope you post them with the august one so we can see the comparisment.keep on keeping on emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHERYLDS 1/24/2013 4:19AM

    if I weigh myself and bad result, comfort myself with food.
weigh myself and good result, reward myself with food.
Oooh I definitely relate to that....
but if I don't get on that scale, I'm not sure if what I'm doing is working.

We all need to find our magic strategy.
Good for you finding yours
and I can't wait to see the pictures
because we can already hear the change
visible or not.

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LOLABLACK69 1/24/2013 2:22AM

    I see we have the same scale problem. I still haven't figured out how to change that. Since I started with this whole process of food tracking and exercising in january, I still didn't check the scale. I'm scared to death, especially since I'm still not that committed to the whole thing so I make bunch of mistakes and bad choices on the way - still.
Well, hope everything goes well for you on february first. I know I'll be cheering for you, and won't be disappointed at all! You go, girl! :)

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EATVEGAN 1/24/2013 1:38AM

    Hey. Pix, Right now, when I'm going through some stuff, (not quitting, just staying out of the loop) you are my main inspiration. I'm working on getting down on the floor and back up with a few stretches and yoga moves, but I hope to join you and Diamond Dallas eventually. So hang in there, gal. You have much to be proud of, and we who are going through it with you know that best of all. I don't think you will be disappointed in Feb or March, but in case you are, Coach Nicole says: "When you are consistent in your healthy habits, magic is happening in your body and mind, even if the scale isn't moving." She is sooooo right. Love your spirit. emoticon
Janet

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SPARKFRAN514 1/24/2013 12:32AM

    Take it day by day.
Results don't come overnight.
Change doesn't happen immediately.
Keep working towards you goals."
~ Unknown ~
I like your idea not weighting for several months but its not something i can do i have gone three weeks for the longest streak. i know you will make it into that large shirt they have a saying 6 minute miles or 16 minutes a mile is a mile I think we need to remember a inch lost is a inch not gained we are a work in progress and like one of my favorite sayings says We are on a journey not a one day hike . some times we can't see changers but others do .

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DRB13_1 1/24/2013 12:09AM

    You inspire me and are living a healthier lifestyle - that's what matters, not the scale.
Best wishes getting into that t-shirt for spring!

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GRUMBLEGIRL 1/23/2013 10:23PM

    Stick to your plan, keep trying new ways to exercise and have fun. Have faith. You are on the right path and good things will happen!!!

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TAFODIL24 1/23/2013 9:50PM

    you are doing amazing emoticon

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GARDENSFORLIFE 1/23/2013 9:26PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KARENLEIGH32 1/23/2013 9:13PM

    The reason I don't weigh myself is that I know my weakness, and that weakness is this; if I weigh myself and have a bad result, I know I will be tempted to comfort myself with food. If I weigh myself and have a good result, I'd be tempted to reward myself with food." Pixie


I copied this from your blog, funny isn't it how food is always there, it helps with sadness, happiness, disappointment, etc. You would think that something that is used for everything would be healthier for us. Strange world, huh?

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123ELAINE456 1/23/2013 8:43PM

  You are doing Marvelous!!! We are here to Support You on Your Journey. You have such a Positive Outlook and Do Everything You Can to Improve Yourself. You Can Be Very Proud Of Yourself. We are Very Proud Of You. Keep Pushing Forward. God Bless You and Have a Super Great Day. GO PIXIE GO!!!

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4RASCALS 1/23/2013 8:37PM

    Pixie no matter what happens your Spark Friends will be here for you. The picture WILL show your progress. Your doing all the right things. I'm so very proud of you. You can and will do it.



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DIANER2014 1/23/2013 7:59PM

    Pixie you are doing great! You're doing so many positive things and they're showing everyday! I am very proud of you! emoticon emoticon

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DDLM13 1/23/2013 7:56PM

    I think we all feel like that and just have to be proud of the changes in how we feel not just how we look,keep it up you will get there!!

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LISAN0415 1/23/2013 7:38PM

    Oh my goodness, you are doing soooooo well! Plus all these positive things you've done have been soooooo good foryour bosy- and you have proved to yourself how strong you really are- when you can go on long streaks like that- that shows tremendous inner strength and self love!

I think you will be pleasently surprised by your photos- and we are all proud of you!!
Lisa

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JUDYD207 1/23/2013 7:27PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MARITIMER3 1/23/2013 6:40PM

    No matter what the scale, or the front and side pictures show, your Spark Friends will be here to love you and support you. Spark Friends are one of the main reasons this program works. I can tell things to my Spark Friends, none of whom I've met, and most of whom I'll probably never meet, because I know you will understand. We've all been there for the ups and downs of life and the scale.

You've had so many positive NSV's. Don't let a number get you down.
Gail emoticon

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IAMAGEMLOVER 1/23/2013 6:32PM

    Do you take measurements? I do it every other month. That is where I put most of my faith. I think maybe everyone has a little bit of body distortion. We will find all the faults. I think my thighs are too large but my friend says no, I wanted to go for another 12 pounds weight loss people tell me to maintain now. All I know for sure is I am a lot more fit and healthier than I was in Febraury 2011 when I started this journey. Isn't that what counts really? emoticon

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CVRONEK 1/23/2013 6:13PM

    I am so proud of you, Pixie and YOU KNOW you will do it! I KNOW you will do it.
Confidence. NSV rock! emoticon

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JACLYN07 1/23/2013 5:09PM

    Hi Pixie.

You said 'My body has firmed up in some areas, though. I have (slightly) visible calf muscles. My thighs, buns and waist are firmer. And I definitely have become stronger, more flexible and more energetic. I feel healthier than I have in years! '

I repeat, YOU said ' I feel healthier than I have in years! '

Job done in my mind, no matter what the scale or photos show, you FEEL HEALTHIER, ARE firmer, ARE Stronger, flexible and energetic.

Count those victories, they are massive ones.

Hugs and have a grand day. Jaclyn

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MICKEYH 1/23/2013 5:08PM

    Hi Pixie, thanks for sharing another great blog of yours. Instead of loosing weight, you are getting firmer, I think that is a good thing. I would take this periods as toning period. After this period, you will lose some more. It's like a alternative way, losing and toning. So in the end results will be much better then the person just losing. I said congrats for that. *\(^o^)/*

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ROSAMARCELLE 1/23/2013 4:47PM

    You're doing your best so eventually will show, however long it takes. emoticon

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DALID414 1/23/2013 4:27PM

    Self-doubt is normal. And sometimes what we see in the mirror isn't really the whole story.

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EAGLES_WINGS 1/23/2013 4:20PM

    You are going to make it through! I am sure of it. Just an fyi: you may be putting on lots of muscle which will weigh more than fat. So, body comp can make a world of difference. You have already lost lots of weight and you are really rocking it like others have said. I have been kind of mopey lately and you brighten my day. Don't give up on yourself. Like you say, YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Hugs, Karen emoticon
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LISBETHSALANDER 1/23/2013 3:44PM

    Don't worry dear Pixie. I think you'll be surprised by the photos. Don't forget, our minds fall behind and don't actually see the changes to our bodies. Just because you cannot see the changes does not mean they're not there. You could not disappoint your friends if you tried. You continue to be an inspiration to us all.

Day 15 of my streak (thanks to your example and encouraging words).

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AUDREYBELL1 1/23/2013 2:43PM

    Don't worry about what the scales say like you said you are feeling healthier than you have in years. That alone is a BIG achievement, you haven't given up you know your triggers and stay away from them. I think I am going to take your lead and not weigh except maybe once a month or two. Like you I get so upset when I look at the scale and it says I have gained or not lost anything that day. Like this week I have been sick on steroids and some other meds I weighed this morning and it said I had gained almost 5 lbs in 2 days. emoticon emoticon

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CHARTHESTAR 1/23/2013 2:24PM

    oh pixie!!

never will you be a disappointment! we will feel bad if you feel bad- but not at what you have or have not YET accomplished!

You have put in a lot of hard work-- and sometimes the out wards results just do not come as fast as we want. Also it doesn't always end up where you think it was going to either!
I have heard that even after hitting your 'goal' weight it can take up to a year for your body to evenly distribute what you have left and balance itself out.
In regards to the pictures- they are only one way of measuring-- the greatest changes could have taken place on the inside.

So NEVER give up! you can slow down for a while and catch your breath. Keep thinking and doing positive things and the rest will catch up with you! emoticon emoticon you will get there. To much to fast is not a good thing.

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GBSLIM 1/23/2013 2:10PM

    Pixie - we are your Sparkfamily. We are here for you every step of the way no matter what. We are here to return all the love, encouragement, kindness, motivation, inspiration, and support that you have shown us. We care too much to judge you.
Proudly post your pictures knowing that you are a work in progress and although you're not where you want to be you're a heck of a long way from where you used to be.
I for one am so darned proud of you. You're my hero.
Oh yeah and if you're not comfortable getting on that scale....don't do it.
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SAMI199 1/23/2013 1:55PM

    I can only agree with what everyone else has written-I have had the same thoughts & feelings-why are we so hard on ourselves? I can't imagine you looking at any one of our Spark pics & thinking we've disappointed you. We support each other here through our struggles & celebrate our victories-whether a number of pounds lost,or the strength & courage to get up & try one more time after we fall. You are a warm & caring person who always encourages me. Thank you !

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Comment edited on: 1/23/2013 1:56:21 PM

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KATHYJO56 1/23/2013 1:38PM

    Pixie, We all feel the way that you do. Some of us feel it more than others. I still want to run and hide when I see the cameras come out. You have worked hard and I can tell you just one thing, You are going to look absolutely beautiful and healthy-no doubt about it! emoticon emoticon

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HAPPY_TRAVELS 1/23/2013 1:30PM

    Just remember the scale only measures the weight. It can't see how you are feeling about yourself and all that you have gained from eating the right foods and doing regular exercise. We can all look good it doesn't matter what we weigh we just have to be smart about our clothing choices.

Don't get discourage it will come off just not as fast as some of us would like. Me included.

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SEEINGCLEARLY53 1/23/2013 12:51PM

    Pleas don't worry about disappointing us!!!!!....Don't put that added pressure on yourself!...You know what you've done and how hard you worked to stay focused,,,,,read your quotes! emoticon ........yes, I'm a mother ...lol!.......on the other hand, I can sooooooooooooooo relate to that scale thing....I let it tell me what kind of mood I'm going to be in that day.....so, I'm trying not to weigh as much too, so it doesn't define me........keep pushing!.....I love your blogs! emoticon

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KITT52 1/23/2013 12:14PM

    emoticon ....just emoticon

we all fell this way at times....don't let anything or an one including your self get in the way of a happier and healthier Pixie......



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KLWALDON 1/23/2013 12:04PM

    I feel the exact same way about the scale. I have the same problem with weighing. You are doing awesome!

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ANGJENN822 1/23/2013 11:46AM

    You hit the nail on the head when you were talking about your reactions to the scale. Mine are JUST THE SAME. Good, bad, or indifferent, food is going to be my comfort! I never thought of not weighing myself but once ever so often. I could see where that'd also help with putting too much faith in what the scale says about me (the way I always do). If I weigh less, I'm an awesome person. If I gain, I'm a fat slob. LOL

Thanks for the post!! And good luck on your continued journey! I know you'll do fine!

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YESCURLYCAN 1/23/2013 11:27AM

  "The reason I don't weigh myself is that I know my weakness, and that weakness is this; if I weigh myself and have a bad result, I know I will be tempted to comfort myself with food. If I weigh myself and have a good result, I'd be tempted to reward myself with food."

There it is in a nutshell! I got 90% better at that but when I am stressed (10%) kicks in combined with weigh in's; forget about it. That is truly the one perk of not weighing in.

Pixie, you are winning the battle in SO many ways! The never quit attitude, combined with keen self awareness will carry you towards your victory. I have to remind people that it takes a very strong person to continue on, pushing and fighting every step of the way. I think the pictures will be a very telling story. Heck I predict you will see (great) things you didn't expect to see, because the camera is the most honest form of vision. Let's consider this a pre-victory hug emoticon

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EBURGITE 1/23/2013 11:09AM

    i understand completely. sometimes all the work we're doing, the wonderful changes we're making, don't translate to our body changing as much as we'd like. and pictures can be very deceiving. i've heard it so much: pictures add 10 lbs. in my case, i think it's closer to 25. i remember taking pictures a while back, thinking i looked "ok." i wasn't running from my reflection, and was almost happy with what i saw in the mirror. then i saw the photograph, and almost cried. i know someone who looks GREAT in photos, but in person, she is really under-weight--like bony-skinny. if you kept some of your old clothes, take a picture of yourself swimming in those. you're triumphing over the scale, over your old habits, and so much more--don't let a distorted image undo even ONE bit of all you've accomplished.

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ATTACKFATCAT 1/23/2013 10:59AM

    While you are a phenomenal motivator, you need to strike "what will people think" from your vocabulary. I KNOW it's hard to do...this is coming from a recovering extreme people-pleaser. You try so hard to keep us all going, but at the end of the day, YOU are the #1 priority here.

Don't worry about what we think in terms of how you look or how much you weigh...what's important is how you feel. If someone has an issue with you, then they are not the positive support system you need and deserve on this site. You've been working like a madwoman on your calories, cutting out processed foods, and exercising. It sounds like some good changes are going on in your body. Be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished so far.

“We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.”
― Malcolm X

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DONNA5281 1/23/2013 10:53AM

  Pixie, I think you are doing a great job.

When you post your pictures, You don't need to worry . We all love you and that is what count. We know that emoticon and you will.

I like reading your bogs as they are so inspiring. I can't wait to see your pics.

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 1/23/2013 10:48AM

    Do not let the stress eat away at your success. Your journey is yours and you are ROCKING it! emoticon

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WACFIT 1/23/2013 10:46AM

    I can say that when I see your pictures, I think, 'There is someone who is doing the work. Someone who is willing to put it out there to encourage me and others that making the effort day after day, week after week adds up to a big difference. She is a beautiful, inspiring work in progress. And if she can do this, then I can too. way to go, girl! Let's do this!" Pixie-People don't read your blogs to judge you. They read them to be inspired in their own journey. And you do that. Even if you don't think you do. I am so happy for you and proud of you and inspired by you! Thank you!
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